My husband is too fat and unfit for sex

[SummerHurryUp]

Today it's 3 months since we last tried to have sex. God knows when the last successful time was.

Since working from home since February 2020, by husband has ballooned in weight and just become completely lazy. He sits on his computer all day everyday, even when not working. I guess going for a 20 minute walk and he says he has better things to do (go on the computer).

Another unfortunate consequence is he can't have sex. He has trouble getting and staying hard for longer than two minutes, but a bigger issue is he physically doesn't have the stamina. He will become very sweaty and tired, and he has type 1 diabetes which makes him feel unwell after about 30 seconds of activity.

He went to the doctor last summer, and was prescribed viagra. But he doesn't want to take it because he says it feels too clinical. So he seems to be happy living in a sexless marriage, but I am not. I feel very depressed about it. I feel trapped and like I will never have sex again. We are both nearly 30 and every time I bring it up he gets angry and sticks his head in the sand.

He won't diet, and he doesn't want to change

You can’t change him, it has to come from him.
You need to consider if you want to stay in a sexless relationship.
His weight along with his diabetes, is contributing to his erectile dysfunction.

29? Run!!!!!

Well if he won't change you'll have to change.

Either change your outlook and put up with the status quo, and stay with your husband in a sexless marriage, or leave him and find somebody else who is fitter and healthier to have a relationship with.

OP - it’s your life and you can chose how to love it.
For better or worse - in my mind at least - doesn’t include situation when ‘worse’ is controllable and can be fixed but the other person doesn’t bother.
If both of you were much older, had a house full of grown kids and grandkids, and happy to end your sex life - then sure, people can live like that.
But at 30, you have so much of life in front of you yet. I’d pull myself up, get on a fitness and health kick for a bit - and if he didn’t follow me - tell him that I am going to start divorce proceedings as I am not ready to retire my sex life.

At 29, I’d leave. At the very least you’ll want a better father to your children.

I thought you was talking about 55-60y/o male. He’s 29?!
If you have no kids then it’s ultimatum time, this is crap. Not just the fact he cannot have sex, it sounds like you don’t have much connection anyways..

I would leave. It’s not just the sex, or that he’s made himself so unattractive (though completely honestly, that would be a factor for me - it’s quite different to getting a bit chubby in lockdown), it’s that he’s spent a year sitting on his arse refusing to do anything with you.

Do you have children yet? Do you want them?

If you don’t already have them, and they are part of your future plans, you need to tell him that he needs to change now or you will leave.

Life is short and in 10 years you may bitterly regret staying with him if things don’t change.

You’re young enough to start again.

You’re not even 30. Are you happy to give up your chance to have kids and be in a sexless marriage?

If not, you need to tell him that these are deal breakers and he needs to take steps or you’re going to make your life elsewhere.

FFS, you're not even in your 30's?

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. TODAY. RIGHT NOW.

Do not waste your life on this man. Stay with him and you'll have nothing but regrets.

There's no question about it at less than 30 and presumably no kids? Leave, find someone better, it won't be hard!

I assumed you were talking about a person in their 50s/60s.
In your 20s?
Time to let this relationship go, and look for a better brighter future.
Leave now, all the best guys get snapped up by early 30s.

At 29, I'd run. Honestly, if the warning signs are there before you have kids... Wish I'd noticed and acted, really

If you had been together longer, we’re older etc I’d say that you need to have a drank and blunt conversation. Make him listen...
However, you’re not even 30.
I think I’d have to tell him I’m done and be truthful as to why.

It’s sad but you said he doesn’t want to change and there is no way for you to change it on your own.
You need to explain to him that you are unhappy and are going to leave unless he changes and you need to stand by that.
Even if he is suffering with his mental health, he cannot get well if he doesn’t want to. You can still lead a full and happy life.

A lot of people go through some kind of quarter life crisis around their late 20s.

Before his weight ballooned was he a good partner? If so then it's time for a serious chat. You have to tell him you're unhappy, you have to tell him to get help and work with you to get his weight and health on track. Give him 6 months to make some defined progress and to reach a weight goal. If he doesn't it's bye bye time.

If he wasn't that great a partner before then waste no more time and get out now.

I agree with everyone else. Run!

No, no, no. Just leave. Don't waste your life too.
What happens when life gets back to normal and you want to travel, have days out, or do things in general?
I bet he doesn't do anything in the house either.

With being a diabetic he is setting himself up here for huge complications in the near future. Blood vessel damage , eye damage , kidney damage, high blood pressure, nerve damage , possible circulatory issues etc etc the list goes on . Is all this something you can deal with? If not then it's time to pull the plug. Diabetes is a hard condition to manage but letting yourself get obese and sitting on your arse is just asking for trouble .

Ditch it-what a thing to settle for!

I assume you want kids at some point? You won't get any with him at this rate. And you want them to have a dad into their adulthood?

Shocked at his age, he needs a huge ake up call.

It’s very very unreasonable of him to expect you to put up with being in a sexless marriage. Especially at your age. In fact it’s utterly selfish.

Sex is an incredibly important part of any romantic relationship and if one of both partners won’t or can’t participate in it for reasons they can change but won’t, it’s no more then fair that the other party is completely entitled to reconsider the relationship for this reason alone.

Either things change or you leave. You're only 29. Do you really want a whole life of this?

Oh gosh OP. I agree with pretty much everyone else.
When I read your post I assumed you were going to say you were at least in your late 50's. I am shocked at you being 29!

I would give him an ultimatum: tackle your health and lose weight or I'm out. If he still doesn't want to change then I would leave. And I don't say that lightly.