My husband is too fat and unfit for sex

[SummerHurryUp]

Today it's 3 months since we last tried to have sex. God knows when the last successful time was.

Since working from home since February 2020, by husband has ballooned in weight and just become completely lazy. He sits on his computer all day everyday, even when not working. I guess going for a 20 minute walk and he says he has better things to do (go on the computer).

Another unfortunate consequence is he can't have sex. He has trouble getting and staying hard for longer than two minutes, but a bigger issue is he physically doesn't have the stamina. He will become very sweaty and tired, and he has type 1 diabetes which makes him feel unwell after about 30 seconds of activity.

He went to the doctor last summer, and was prescribed viagra. But he doesn't want to take it because he says it feels too clinical. So he seems to be happy living in a sexless marriage, but I am not. I feel very depressed about it. I feel trapped and like I will never have sex again. We are both nearly 30 and every time I bring it up he gets angry and sticks his head in the sand.

He won't diet, and he doesn't want to change

Please just cut your losses.

You are so young. This is no way to live. How can he be the man of your dreams, like this? Think of your own future first.

I would have left him already but I am not at all attracted to over weight men (and that is OK). I could never have sex like this or no sex at all. Misery!

I see so many guys like this with type 1 diabetes in my clinic. By the time they are 50 they have usually had a double amputation and die 5 years later.
He needs a wake up call.
My daughter in law is late onset type 1 diabetes, her body stopped producing insulin at 40 completely (latent Autoimmune Diabetes of Adulthood). Quite honestly I thought this would be it for her, she was 5 stone overweight, never exercised, ate junk food but she has totally turned her life around.
It gave her the wake up call she needed, she is now very slim, exercises daily and has embrace low carb cooking and looks and feels like a new woman.
It can be done but it sounds like he feels hopeless about things and can't be bothered.
It sounds to me as if he needs professional help and maybe some counselling to get motivated before it's too late.
Maybe time to get talking.

My last relationship was with a T1 who had ED. He was too embarrassed to discuss it with his GP. He'd buy viagra but they gave him severe headaches so it was counterproductive. His foreskin would also tear and cause severe pain where we'd have to stop. Again he refused to see his GP.

We were 15 years older than you and both had dc and no wish to have a baby together.
Although his diabetes was managed well, the damage had been done from childhood to late 20s when he thought he was invincible.
It wasn't the reason for our break up and we remained friends. Ironically, I'm the single one who hasn't had sex for years whilst he went into a longterm relationship. Obviously, I don't know about their sex life but I hoped he'd overcome his embarrassment and got the help he needed.

He’s not fat OP but clearly he is ill and not taking care of himself. That is his responsibility to address, with your support if you feel it is still worth offering it. He may be depressed and very scared. Every way you look at it, he must see the doctor and start taking his physical and mental health seriously.

As for you: do what is right for you. You don’t have to stay.

@PferdeMerde

If it was op who was overweight and the husband who wanted sex, you’d all be saying something different.

What a bunch of nasty bags

You're focussing on the overweight bit.

He has a medical condition that means that excess weight is highly likely to lead to complications including loss of sight and Lomb amputations, he's already experiencing symptoms in the form of ED... Yet he is not doing anything about it, and has stated he does not want to change.

They don't yet have kids but also little sex life, and it's important to her - but again, he's doing nothing about it and doesn't want to change.

They're only 29, it should be a time for doing things together and having energy and fun and if they wish, planning a family. Not watching the person you love sit in front of a computer, not have sex with you, eat themselves to an early death and refuse to change.

That's why. And I'd say the same for a man whose wife was doing the same thing. But what a nasty sexist insult you chose there, maybe also says something about your perspective.

*Lomb? Limb, rather