My husband is too fat and unfit for sex

[SummerHurryUp]

Today it's 3 months since we last tried to have sex. God knows when the last successful time was.

Since working from home since February 2020, by husband has ballooned in weight and just become completely lazy. He sits on his computer all day everyday, even when not working. I guess going for a 20 minute walk and he says he has better things to do (go on the computer).

Another unfortunate consequence is he can't have sex. He has trouble getting and staying hard for longer than two minutes, but a bigger issue is he physically doesn't have the stamina. He will become very sweaty and tired, and he has type 1 diabetes which makes him feel unwell after about 30 seconds of activity.

He went to the doctor last summer, and was prescribed viagra. But he doesn't want to take it because he says it feels too clinical. So he seems to be happy living in a sexless marriage, but I am not. I feel very depressed about it. I feel trapped and like I will never have sex again. We are both nearly 30 and every time I bring it up he gets angry and sticks his head in the sand.

He won't diet, and he doesn't want to change

Would you like this to be you in 30 years time?

Why would you want to have sex with him anyway? Fat, sweaty, lazy and unwilling to change. Wouldn't do it for me tbh.

If you stay with him you'll end up his carer sooner rather than later.

How sad. He won’t change unless he wants to and he doesn’t want to. I couldn’t live like this.

29, seriously I'd end it.

He has no interest in his health & welfare let alone yours.

I would normally say everyone gets a pass for 2020 regardless of age, be it weight gain, plunging sex drive, general apathy etc.

But, you've said he doesn't want to work at it being better so really what are your options?

I would struggle to leave someone I loved over weight gain but if you have no intimacy then really you are not in a relationship and should move on, for your own sake.

Give it to him straight & a timeline for serious improvement...tell him his marriage depends on it. And mean it. You are too young for no sex, no excitement, no fun & him stuck on the computer all the day long. If he is prepared to take ypu seriously & does manage to have sex & you get pregnant, would he change then to be a better example to a baby...prob not.

Are you happy living like this when you’re 50? No? Then leave now. You’re 29.

*not prepared

You're not even 30 yet, why have you settled for him when he doesn't care enough about you to make healthy changes?

Oh god I thought you were both like older!

I'm 27. If I was in your situation at 29 I would be seriously worried about my future.

Run

This was quite a sad story......until you mentioned you was not even 30!

Your young, so young, and sex should be good, especially if you don’t have children. Leave!! Go enjoy your life whilst your young and free.

Get yourself into love honey and go shopping. If he won’t sort himself out, then you sort yourself out. Lots of stuff couples can use without having to overdo it ( ie for him). It’s a shame he won’t get fit but probably completely unmotivated. I’m trying by getting various exercise machines slowly turn up at home , hoping for some
Good results for us both.

You don't have to stay with him, you know. Why do you?

Yes sticking his head in the sand is right, He will just bowl along,and resent any comments made to him about his weight issues. The only times that he may become concerned,is when he could become unwell, because of being very overweight., with all the issues that being too fat can bring.
I certainly would not like to sleep with a fat blobby man, but would not leave a person because they were very overweight, and causing upset to others,who worry about this.

But he can only do this for himself at the end of the day.

Leave op. It's disgraceful he's 29 been diagnosed with type 1 and is just abusing his body

If he really won't change then leaving him may be the only option there is, and indeed if it shocks him into making a lifestyle change then you may be saving him from an early grave..

Bloody hell! I thought you were talking about a 50 something year old man!

Jesus. I thought you were gonna say you were in your 50s. Having a medical condition is one thing but he is refusing to get help or trying to fix the problem. This would be enough for me to leave.

I thought he was older too...
I agree with others about not wasting your time with him especially as he doesn't seem to want to put any effort into improving himself or your relationship.

You deserve more 💐

Like everyone else I thought you were talking about a man in his 50/60s , you really do need to give him an ultimatum and then follow through if necessary . The way he’s going and with type 1 diabetes he is heading for an early grave , let alone the problem of a lack of sex .

Yes, leave. Its not just the sex thing. I mean, what can you do together other than watch tv? Do you even find him attractive, as a person as well as sexually?

As much as the lack of sex is significant, his general health sounds like a far wider picture. He sounds completely inactive if he can't manage 30 seconds of physicality. Depending on your own lifestyle, you may or may not find that makes you incompatible anyway. (I'm quite an active person, no way would I want to get cooped up with a couch potato)

You can't make him change, only he can if he wants to. So you can only assume things won't get better from here. Covid/lockdown has affected everyone, and they may or may not make a quick recovery as things start to return to normal. But I suspect he was already having issues before covid came on the scene?

If doesn't like viagra because it's 'clinical' (sounds a bit of a weak argument to me), then maybe try cialis instead (get professional medical advice first obviously)?

Bloody hell @SummerHurryUp When i first started reading I assumed you were a lot older, not under 30! He’s quite literally going to rob you of the chance of a family if you stay with him so you need to get out whilst you can. If he respects you he’ll lose weight, if he doesn’t then he won’t.

Ok he sounds majorly depressed. He's sabotaging himself - anyone with T1 understands this is not a condition to be mucked around with. Yet he's letting it happen.

He needs to urgently talk to his GP/diabetes clinic as his health will be affected so much if he keeps going like this.

You can give him a deadline to deal with this and start losing weight if you want to give him a chance. Or just leave if you don't want to. It's perfectly ok to leave a relationship because it's not working out for YOU.

Have you asked your dh why does he lack interest? You might get your answer. Either way you are both missing out on things you both should be prioritising each other. Sounds like he has let you down and he isn't interested. I would move on ASAP if your needs are not met. You are just about young enough to start a family with a healthy man. Talk to him first though.