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Original poster

Is this symbolic of our entire relationship? Am I overreacting?

881 replies

Gathertherainbows · 02/04/2021 11:33

I’m prepared to be told I’m overreacting
Several times in the last couple of weeks DH has left his key in the other side of the door so that when I get back with the dc we cannot get in.
He’s usually then busy on a work call (wfh) and although he knows we are there we have waited up to an hour for him to come and take his key out of the door so we can get in.
It’s usually been about half an hour but last week it was an hour and dd had to go to the toilet in the garden. We can get in the garden via the gate but still not into the house. She cried a lot because she just wanted to get in the house. In the end I took them down to the shop and came back but still couldn’t get in.
Maybe I just don’t understand how important business is but I don’t see why he couldn’t just say he had to go and open the door - he could even have blamed me and said he didn’t have his key.
I do feel it’s a bit symbolic of how we are, no way would I leave him outside with the dc - having been out since 7.30am themselves - for an hour just waiting around.

OP posts:
diwrnachoflleyn · 02/04/2021 13:04

And yes, next time he goes out, I'd leave the key in the lock. I'd get another one. I'd be out of the house and leave the fucking key in there and he can be locked out. Cunt.

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · 02/04/2021 13:04

I think yes, it is symbolic of your entire relationship and no, you are not overreacting- I don't know how you can put up with his behaviour.

LitterTrayLurker · 02/04/2021 13:05

I have calls I wouldn't interrupt to be honest.
However what I don't understand is the key in the door thing. If you have left the house through the front door what sane reason would your dh have to put a key in the inside of the door other than to double lock it after you? In which case he would know you had gone out and removed the key.

It seems calculated to cause upset and inconvenience.

joysexjoysex · 02/04/2021 13:05

I'd have smashed a window to get in and lost my shit. Fuck his zoom call. His head is up his own ass to the detriment of your children and he treats you like a moron. He's just a manager, he's not a big deal. I'd be bloody telling him how inconsequential he was and divorcing him.

saraclara · 02/04/2021 13:07

This is one of the most disturbing things I've read on this forum. And you think you're overreacting?

It really worries me how this must affect your child. It's quite unbelievable behaviour. 30 minutes, an hour...to get into your own home, when the person who can facilitate that thinks you're not important enough to take 30 seconds for?

Do you dare lose your temper with him, OP? Or do you just passively accept this because the alternative is potentially unsafe?

Original poster
Gathertherainbows · 02/04/2021 13:07

He’ll have been out at some point in the day.
I can see how he’s accidentally left a key in, especially if busy.
It’s the part where it’s his error but he won’t come and let us in.

OP posts:
DippingToes · 02/04/2021 13:07

It is symbolic of your relationship I'm afraid, yes. He wants to you and the children out of his life. Don't give him the satisfaction, make plans to get out of there first.

Sorry, OP. Thanks

MotherofTerriers · 02/04/2021 13:08

Lock him out
see how he likes it
Put a note on the inside of the door saying don't leave your key in the door you selfish twat, if you leave me standing in the garden for an hour again I will divorce you

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 02/04/2021 13:09

Wtf? I’ve left work calls to let the crying cat in and out of the room. Why does he think he can’t leave the meeting for a minute? The comment about not remembering menial stuff does sound like a problem in your relationship, yes. That includes remembering to not lock your family out of the house.

NeedToKnow101 · 02/04/2021 13:10

Are you scared of him OP? This is such awful abusive behaviour.

Peanutbutterandbananatoastie · 02/04/2021 13:10

It definitely is indicative of the way he sees you and his children. So sorry opFlowers.

How are things financially? Would you be able to leave?

StrapOnSallyChasedMeDownTheAli · 02/04/2021 13:10

Can you not see how abusive he is being to you and his child?

LitterTrayLurker · 02/04/2021 13:11

Why would anyone leave a key in the lock on the inside? OP I am 60 and my grandparents, parents nor us do that. Double lock at bed time and take keys upstairs.

BeagleEagle · 02/04/2021 13:11

@Gathertherainbows

I’m prepared to be told I’m overreacting Several times in the last couple of weeks DH has left his key in the other side of the door so that when I get back with the dc we cannot get in. He’s usually then busy on a work call (wfh) and although he knows we are there we have waited up to an hour for him to come and take his key out of the door so we can get in. It’s usually been about half an hour but last week it was an hour and dd had to go to the toilet in the garden. We can get in the garden via the gate but still not into the house. She cried a lot because she just wanted to get in the house. In the end I took them down to the shop and came back but still couldn’t get in. Maybe I just don’t understand how important business is but I don’t see why he couldn’t just say he had to go and open the door - he could even have blamed me and said he didn’t have his key. I do feel it’s a bit symbolic of how we are, no way would I leave him outside with the dc - having been out since 7.30am themselves - for an hour just waiting around.
What's his job? If he was in court for example there really isn't much he could have done - or a psychiatrist at an appointment with a patient.. it depends on the job how unreasonable he was being
CoraPirbright · 02/04/2021 13:11

What happens when he lets you in finally? Is he huffy? Apologetic? Do you brush it off or do you - which is what I would do - flip your fucking lid? What does he do when/if he sees your anger? Does he see that he is clearly in the wrong (and a fucking bell end) or is he full of faux-self-righteousness?

m0therofdragons · 02/04/2021 13:12

That’s ridiculous! Dh has extremely important government calls but is a grown up and capable of putting a quick “apologies, please excuse me for 2 minutes” in the chat. Your dh’s priorities are shocking and it shows a huge error of judgement.

NoSquirrels · 02/04/2021 13:12

It doesn’t matter if it’s accidental or deliberate the end result is the same.

He doesn’t care enough about his wife and children to excuse himself for 30 seconds to fix his own error.

He literally thinks you should wait for his convenience despite it being his fault.

He’s barely apologetic.

dottiedaisee · 02/04/2021 13:13

I don’t think you realise how bad this is ...what is his job ? There must be a back story to this !

m0therofdragons · 02/04/2021 13:13

I actually think you’re under reacting.

scaredsadandstuck · 02/04/2021 13:14

OP like many others here I find this really disturbing and upsetting. Your poor DC.

ginghamtablecloths · 02/04/2021 13:14

This is inconsiderate of him. I'd feel tempted to take both your keys and his when I went out if he behaves like this, thus locking him in the house, just to make a point. I expect that wouldn't go down too well either. What a dick.

picklemewalnuts · 02/04/2021 13:15

Take all the front door keys when you leave. He can manage whatever inconvenience he's left with.

Tell him if it ever happens again, you will smash the window to get in.

Lock him out next time he leaves the house and let him wait an hour to get in.

Tell him cooking his dinner is too menial to be remembered.

Keep cooking things he detests- it's too menial for you to remember he hates cheese ...

Lock the bathroom door so he can't get in to use it, all day.

Seriously, that's really appalling.

Ask him what he'd do if you locked him out for an hour, and if you locked him and the kids out.

BeakyWinder · 02/04/2021 13:16

You keep saying the same thing, the question is, what are you going to do next time he locks you all out like dogs? Because if it was my dp there would never have been a second time.

bugontree · 02/04/2021 13:16

What a fucking arsehole. Absolute arsehole.

I have left the key in lock sometimes. Difference is I open the door as soon as H comes home. Leaving you and your child outside for an hour is just appalling. Of course he can say he has just got to open the door.
He doesn't 'even have to break the call. Just walk whilst still on the phone and open the door. .
The only reason not to do this is some sort of sick power play, utter contempt and lack of respect for you, complete lack of caring or regard to his child. He is really showing you where you stand in relation to him, isn't he?
He is horrible. Just horrible. There's no fixing that.

UrsulaBee · 02/04/2021 13:16

That’s fucking appalling behaviour.

What consequences are there after he has done this? You need to leave him tbh but, if that’s not what you want to do, you need to really kick off! As others have said, you need to do this to him!

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