Is this symbolic of our entire relationship? Am I overreacting?

[Gathertherainbows]

I’m prepared to be told I’m overreacting
Several times in the last couple of weeks DH has left his key in the other side of the door so that when I get back with the dc we cannot get in.
He’s usually then busy on a work call (wfh) and although he knows we are there we have waited up to an hour for him to come and take his key out of the door so we can get in.
It’s usually been about half an hour but last week it was an hour and dd had to go to the toilet in the garden. We can get in the garden via the gate but still not into the house. She cried a lot because she just wanted to get in the house. In the end I took them down to the shop and came back but still couldn’t get in.
Maybe I just don’t understand how important business is but I don’t see why he couldn’t just say he had to go and open the door - he could even have blamed me and said he didn’t have his key.
I do feel it’s a bit symbolic of how we are, no way would I leave him outside with the dc - having been out since 7.30am themselves - for an hour just waiting around.

Go out of another door and take the key from that door then you can get in and out as you please. Just take your own key every time. Why don't you just do this?

I don't know what he's done to you, but you sound like you are completely devoid of a backbone and a voice. You are allowing him to walk all over you and abuse your child. Why?

The only other person I’ve heard of doing this to a partner, later turned out to be violent. This is absolute callous deliberate unvarnished cruelty.

How can you subject you and your young children to this... and as others have asked many times already, have you asked yourself very sincerely and with an open mind, why this has not made you angry/furious? At least for the sake of your children!

Your dh reminds me of my FIL.

The very big cheese professionally. Very successful in the city. Mil spent her best years raising their dc, pandering to his important needs, doing all the grunt work. Booking holidays that were designed around him.

He took early retirement at 55. Wealthy. Should have had the time of their lives. Can you guess what he did? He fucked off. Told my MIL that she bored him, they had nothing in common, he didn't love her.

Surprisingly, no other woman. Just a selfish man who had no intention of putting his wife's needs and interests above his own.

He is a cunt

You're so calm about this, I'd be fucking furious and be letting him know as such

He's being nasty. I'd be throwing bricks at the window.
1st time accident. 2 nd time a system is needed to prevent it happening.

We had this problem when my brother and I were still at home and my parents moved house, we all kept locking each other out by leaving the key in the door. By the end of the first week there was a key on a hook by the door to open it and lock it from the inside. personal keys kept elsewhere

Why aren't you RAGING? Raising hell with him? You're not over-reacting, you are under-reacting to an incredible extent.
Unless he was on the phone to try and stop a Nuclear War by talking down a homicidal maniac, then no call is that important that he leaves his family outside for an hour. An hour!!!

The fact that it's also his fault you are stuck outside makes this even worse. It's not like it's just you always forgetting your key. I'd be furious if my OH did this to us once never mind a few times! Have you told him it's unacceptable to leave you outside for that long? Given he's the idiot who keeps leaving the key in the door!

I’d actually be tempted to contact his boss to ask for permission for him to leave calls to open the door to his wife and kids. Then his colleagues would get to know what a complete bastard he is.

Deeply, deeply horrible behaviour like this usually isn’t isolated.

Tell him if he does it again you're leaving him. Or just lock him out. It's not OK to continually do this to you or your DC. Really shows he doesn't give a shit.

My goodness, OP please think about what message this is sending your poor DC - that you and they are not important, only daddy is. That’s going to mess them up.

@TiddyTid

Wtf?

This.

Why are you still with this man? It's a power play, involving child abuse.

Air horn through the letterbox next time. Continuously.

Except don’t, because I think there’s an unhealthy dynamic here and you’re scared of his reaction with good reason.

Literally NO ONE stands round like a pudding in the back Garden for an hour... unless they are terrified of the consequences of not doing so.

And the thing with the ready meal would make me want to shove it where the sun don’t shine. So,fucking arrogant. So. Again where’s your anger? Not berating you OP, just curious as to genuinely why you think being upset is unreasonable?

Assuming you dont have any close neighbours? (Bet he wouldn't like them knowing he had locked you out). Id have been asking them to let your daughter use their toilet because asshole hubby wasn't answering the door.

What the fuck! I would honestly be attempting to kick the door down if my partner did that to me and the kids.

What a prat! I often forget my keys and my husband (also a manger on important work calls) just comes and lets me in, he’s never mad or asks me not to do it again. No one cares! Your husband is an C U Next Tuesday. What are his good qualities!?

I’d have broken a window by now. Hopefully that would make sure he didn’t “forget” to take the key out in future. I wfh, I don’t have zoom meetings with anyone I put above my family...that includes the really important ones.

I'm stunned, I don't know why but I find this really upsetting? I think it's abhorrent to keep your wife and child outside in the cold because you won't put a colleague on hold for 30 seconds? It's sickening... he's not a man, just some sort of pathetic petulant prick.

Once as an accident would be bad enough, this is repeated, conscious and understood behaviour. He's making a choice to see you and a little one suffer. I'd have smashed the window in, then given him what for on his work call, gross bastard so he is.

I'm also of the opinion that the next time he goes out you make sure you make it impossible for him to get back in and that you are doing something far more important than opening a door. And definitely make sure you are doing it for longer than an hour.

You've got more patience than me, op. I get aggravated if I forget my key, and my OH takes too long to open the door!
Seriously, though, you're at work all day, you've picked the dc up, and all you ( anyone) wants to do us get in, get settled and relax for the evening.

He's a prick.

I actually find it really upsetting and concerning that you think you may be overreacting OP.

Deliberately making his wife and DC wait outside after deliberately locking them out (it’s not accidental after the first time) because they’re not important enough for him to get off his arse for is absolutely disgusting behaviour but leaving his DC in distress outside needing to go to the toilet takes it to another level of cruelty.

He doesn’t care about you or your DC. I’d leave they key in the lock permanently the next time he goes out in your shoes.

This guy would be getting divorce papers because, let me guess, considering your last post, you work FT and do most if not all of the donkey work like cooking, getting kids ready and out of the house and such?

I'd take a back door key. And see a solicitor.

He's doing this deliberately to punish you and your kids. FUCK THAT.

@SylviaPlath1984

I'm stunned, I don't know why but I find this really upsetting? I think it's abhorrent to keep your wife and child outside in the cold because you won't put a colleague on hold for 30 seconds? It's sickening... he's not a man, just some sort of pathetic petulant prick.

Once as an accident would be bad enough, this is repeated, conscious and understood behaviour. He's making a choice to see you and a little one suffer. I'd have smashed the window in, then given him what for on his work call, gross bastard so he is.

Same here Quite upsetting really

He does it, OP, because he knows there will be no consequences.