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Original poster

Is this symbolic of our entire relationship? Am I overreacting?

881 replies

Gathertherainbows · 02/04/2021 11:33

I’m prepared to be told I’m overreacting
Several times in the last couple of weeks DH has left his key in the other side of the door so that when I get back with the dc we cannot get in.
He’s usually then busy on a work call (wfh) and although he knows we are there we have waited up to an hour for him to come and take his key out of the door so we can get in.
It’s usually been about half an hour but last week it was an hour and dd had to go to the toilet in the garden. We can get in the garden via the gate but still not into the house. She cried a lot because she just wanted to get in the house. In the end I took them down to the shop and came back but still couldn’t get in.
Maybe I just don’t understand how important business is but I don’t see why he couldn’t just say he had to go and open the door - he could even have blamed me and said he didn’t have his key.
I do feel it’s a bit symbolic of how we are, no way would I leave him outside with the dc - having been out since 7.30am themselves - for an hour just waiting around.

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/04/2021 15:03

@wingsnthat

Honestly, an hour of waiting? I would have called a locksmith

In fact if he does it again, so call a locksmith. Make a massive song and dance about it and definitely ruin his call

Good idea. Make sure you always carry some identification to prove you live in the property, though, or they may refuse to do it.

If he lets you in before the locksmith comes, ask him to replace the locks with ones that can't be blocked like this, or just pay the call out fee and apologise.

Rinse and repeat EVERY SINGLE TIME.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/04/2021 15:04

apologise to the locksmith, that is -not to Workplace Wanker.

DontBeRidiculous · 02/04/2021 15:05

I'd explain how this makes you feel (though I'm sure he doesn't give a crap or he wouldn't do this to begin with), then tell him that next time he locks you out and doesn't come and let you in immediately you will be calling a locksmith to come and change the locks to a type that doesn't give him the option to lock you out (so long as you have a spare key).

That is truly shitty behaviour. Unless he's delivering the news that someone is dying, there's no reason he can't excuse himself from the phone for half a minute.

Imnotbent · 02/04/2021 15:05

The more I read this, the less I can believe it.

Giantrooster · 02/04/2021 15:07

@Wallywobbles

Att herbs (why) = at the end

I agree, he needs a good seasoning Wink.

FlippinNoah · 02/04/2021 15:08

He sounds utterly vile.

I can't 'hear' your anger in your posts OP. He left you all outside for an hour ON PURPOSE on multiple occasions, where your DC had to wee in the garden like an animal.

What messages are you children learning from this relationship? Certainly not healthy ones.

I'd have his bags packed on the doorstep next time he goes out. And, most definitely, keys in the back of the door for when he comes back. Show your children you don't have to put up with being treated like shit.

IfNot · 02/04/2021 15:16

I wouldnt be chucking bricks thru windows in front of a five year old, or locking him out next time, or anything like that. There wouldn't be a next time. I would just leave him. Don't waste you precious energy or time wondering if this is a symbol of something, or if you can get him to understand. Pointless. Life is too short.
Leave him for your daughter's sake. Let him alone to work out the "menial" shit for himself.
Life can be much better than this.

IamAporcupine · 02/04/2021 15:17

@Gathertherainbows, you seem to be only addressing the key/door issue, but you are not replying to any of the more relevant questions PP have asked. You asked if this was symbolic of your relationship. I am sure you know this aleady.

Unfortunately I can relate. The fact that you thought you might be overreacting speaks volumes. I was/am in a similar situation and completely lost myself trying to make excuses to justify his behaviour.

IamAporcupine · 02/04/2021 15:19

@Imnotbent

The more I read this, the less I can believe it.
I feel the same.

Part of me wants to think this is not real

Ritascornershop · 02/04/2021 15:34

If we’d had this kind of door I can 100% see my exhusband doing this. Whatever he was doing was always more important than our needs. We’d agree to go somewhere with the kids, he’d say to get them ready and he’d deign to arrive once I’d got their shoes and coats and hats and mittens on. Then we’d stand around in the hall like fools while he finished doing his hobby. This could go on for ages and we’d sometimes get coats etc off and sit down then he’d throw a fit that he had to wait for us.

Yes, he’s being very selfish here and sounds like hard work.

Arrowheart · 02/04/2021 15:34

@Imnotbent

The more I read this, the less I can believe it.
Same here.
juliastone · 02/04/2021 15:39

He is looking to provoke you so that you decide for him and divorce him. No other explanation possible.

Mix56 · 02/04/2021 15:40

Is he really so fucking stupid to put the key back in the lock & leave it there more than once? Not just to you but your dc, in the cold after z full day at work/school.
This has to be a power trip, he has done it deliberately or he has some sort of mental impairment
I too would have put a brick through the window, he would have had to have hung up as I would have been in his office incandescent with rage After the first time.
To repeatedly do it would tell me all I need to know.
I would LTB

ThebirdsAndBeesWhereThere · 02/04/2021 15:42

I'd lob a brick threw the window and then chuck him out. How fucking dare he leave you and a small child outside for longer than a few minutes !

I'm so so angry on your behalf.

Thelikelylass · 02/04/2021 15:49

I find it hard to believe someone would do that to their wife and child. If he did it just once to us we'd be his ex-wife and children.

1WayOrAnother2 · 02/04/2021 15:51

OP it is hard to believe
-that he would do this
-that you would accept it

Time for a re-think - especially if you feel this is 'symbolic' of your relationship. Of course this is not reasonable.

pallisers · 02/04/2021 15:53

every now and then I read something on MN and I HOPE it is just made up. this is one of those posts. So upsetting.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/04/2021 15:57

Same here, pallisers - you pray that someone is spinning a line, but are very aware that there are men like that out there, and that this may be a genuine instance where a woman needs support..

I'd rather risk being conned than leave someone feeling alone in an awful situation.

Original poster
Gathertherainbows · 02/04/2021 15:57

I’ve read the replies - I’m not sure why I’m not angrier about it. I’m not angry that he left the key in, basically he’s just gone for a walk at lunch and then locked the door from the inside again. You have to do that, it doesn’t just push to. You have to lock it. It is easily done, to leave the key in.
I’m angry about the fact that he wouldn’t leave his calls on any of the occasions it’s happened to let us in though. I do feel it is part and parcel of how he treats me - and by extension the dc.
I will think on.

OP posts:
Wateruniform · 02/04/2021 15:58

Come on, @Gathertherainbows. You can make this the day when you let yourself recognise what's going on. You were brave enough to post about it. There's more to it, isn't there?

Why not tell us a bit more about your life. We can help you, maybe.

SingingInTheShithouse · 02/04/2021 15:59

Brick through the window of the room he is sat in if mine ever attempted anything so unbelievably shite as this, especially with DD affected too.Nasty

YADNBU !!!!

SingingInTheShithouse · 02/04/2021 16:02

& a mans POV

My DH just said this is absolutely disgusting behaviour & why on earth is he continuing to leave the key in the door. There is NO excuse at all

Ritascornershop · 02/04/2021 16:02

I’m a bit annoyed with people who did not marry arseholes and therefore have (possibly faux) shock that they exist.

I suspect the op may not be angrier because there are lots of little indignities visited upon her. She’s not angrier because she knows he will kick up a huge fuss over her having the nerve to get angry.

I’m assuming a lot, but I’m certainly not assuming she’s making it up.

HollowTalk · 02/04/2021 16:03

This should be your tipping point, OP. If this has happened several times and he hasn't immediately rectified it by opening the door as soon as you ring the bell, then this is not accidental. This is him sitting there like a king in a castle, controlling who comes in and when.

DisappointedOfNorfolk · 02/04/2021 16:03

@Gathertherainbows

He’d likely been out at some point in the day, I do believe leaving the key in was an accident. It’s the not letting us in part that upset me.

He is definitely doing this on purpose, it has happened repeatedly, he has a job where he manages people, therefore he is more than competent to remember to remove his keys...he needs a short, sharp shock to remind him to think of others, it is ridiculous to leave your wife and children locked out in the garden for 5 minutes, an hour is a complete piss take!

Next time you leave the house, take your keys AND his keys with you and lock the front door, see how he likes it when he's the only one being inconvenienced!

He can always get out the back door if he needs to get out in an emergency...and it might help him 'remember' in future... twat.

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