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Original poster

Is this symbolic of our entire relationship? Am I overreacting?

881 replies

Gathertherainbows · 02/04/2021 11:33

I’m prepared to be told I’m overreacting
Several times in the last couple of weeks DH has left his key in the other side of the door so that when I get back with the dc we cannot get in.
He’s usually then busy on a work call (wfh) and although he knows we are there we have waited up to an hour for him to come and take his key out of the door so we can get in.
It’s usually been about half an hour but last week it was an hour and dd had to go to the toilet in the garden. We can get in the garden via the gate but still not into the house. She cried a lot because she just wanted to get in the house. In the end I took them down to the shop and came back but still couldn’t get in.
Maybe I just don’t understand how important business is but I don’t see why he couldn’t just say he had to go and open the door - he could even have blamed me and said he didn’t have his key.
I do feel it’s a bit symbolic of how we are, no way would I leave him outside with the dc - having been out since 7.30am themselves - for an hour just waiting around.

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 02/04/2021 14:24

I would calmly say if you ever lock me out again and don't let me in with 2 minutes I will put a brick through your office window att herbs of those 2 minutes. Every further minute and i will brick another window. If you do it a second time I will divorce you. And I'd mean it absolutely.

Wallywobbles · 02/04/2021 14:25

Att herbs (why) = at the end

Whatwouldscullydo · 02/04/2021 14:29

Does the door open from the outside without a key if it's not locked?

Why would you lock.yourself in when you are home, not in bed, and you are expecting a partner home ?

Hes doing it on purpose

He doesn't give a shit about your or the kids this is all so you "know your place "

Leave. Show your kids they are worth more. So are you.

Abouttimemum · 02/04/2021 14:29

I can’t get over how outrageous this is. Holy shit.

RincewindsHat · 02/04/2021 14:29

I think I'd be 'accidentally' unplugging the router and forgetting to plug in back in when he's on one of his precious 'non-menial' work calls.

Guess what? I run my own business and manage to remember important stuff AND menial household stuff. ALL BY MYSELF! HOW DO I DO IT?!

AND I'm a mere woman!!

The mind boggles!!

Now I got my sarcasm off my chest...

the mind boggles he is such a self-involved & self-important wanker that he leaves his wife and young child outside the house because he thinks his work calls are more important, then has the nerve to state he cannot remember 'menial' things. Please start forgetting menial things like how the washing machine works (for his laundry only), how to cook more than 2 portions of dinner (yours & your child's) etc.

He will learn.

2021isalsorubbish · 02/04/2021 14:31

I would be apocalyptic. How can you let him treat you and your children like that? Think about what your daughter is seeing as acceptable behaviour.

SecondRow · 02/04/2021 14:31

Wireless headset. If he's so important his employer should be able to afford it. But in the meanwhile LTB.

Sgtmajormummy · 02/04/2021 14:33

Important call my foot!
I’d make sure HIS mistake has a consequence on his life.
Lean on the doorbell so they hear it on the other end.
Trip the power to the house if the fuse box is outside, and since you’re the one that does the drudge work he’ll have no idea how to fix it.
If it happens once and he apologizes, fine. But any more is unacceptable and he needs to feel the backlash.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/04/2021 14:37

WHY are you not angrier about this, @Gathertherainbows? Are you scared of confronting him? Are you scared of his reaction if you'd keep ringing/knocking to be let in?

Your passivity is disturbing and pretty concerning, in all honesty.

What are you not telling us here?

RedToothBrush · 02/04/2021 14:38

@AnyFucker

Next time he leaves the house lock him out. Then say you are too busy to let him in for an hour.
This.
TheGoodEnoughWife · 02/04/2021 14:38

Another one saying I would be taking a brick to a window. To have your child crying and needing a wee, having to wee in the garden is completely unacceptable and I would have gone nuclear!

This is not okay and you need to step up for yourself and your children.

Ellie56 · 02/04/2021 14:40

You're not overreacting. You're significantly under reacting.

Why are you not banging on the door, throwing stones at the window and generally raising merry hell when this self important twat not only locks you and the DC out but makes you wait for an hour?

diwrnachoflleyn · 02/04/2021 14:43

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

WHY are you not angrier about this, *@Gathertherainbows*? Are you scared of confronting him? Are you scared of his reaction if you'd keep ringing/knocking to be let in?

Your passivity is disturbing and pretty concerning, in all honesty.

What are you not telling us here?

She's been conditioned by his abuse. Hence, her posts about how he's King of the Castle, about how he contacts her multiple times if she's out and he has to do something he finds beneath him and locks his own daughter out of the house so she has to use their garden as a loo.
merrygoround88 · 02/04/2021 14:44

That is simply outrageous. My DH takes work far too seriously and can be able engrossed in it to the detriment of family however even he would never do this and I would totally lose it with him if he did.

MazekeenSmith · 02/04/2021 14:46

@Gathertherainbows

He’s locked the door behind him. He would have put it back in to lock it. And then left it there.
Why do you keep repeating this? It's not the issue. Why are you so passive?
Littlepaws18 · 02/04/2021 14:47

That's disgusting and so disrespectful. If his work call was so precious he should ensure you can get in first! All companies even mine (education) wouldn't mind if I had to quickly open a door. He's being unreasonable, once is an accident, more than once is a habit.

I have to say I would probably go to town on this and if it happened again he could go and work in the garage until he could price to me he wasn't so negligent.

pointythings · 02/04/2021 14:47

Until you find your anger, he's just going to keep behaving like this. Yes, it is symbolic of your relationship. You put up with it. You need to stop doing that.

Okbussitout · 02/04/2021 14:50

This is absolutely wild! I can't get my head around how you aren't absolutely raging. I mean unless he's doing remote operation of a crucial bit of machinery then of course he can fucking get up. What an absolute twat. I'm really sorry you're married to him.

What you said about him being in charge rings alarm bells. It's like he's punishing you for something.

giggly · 02/04/2021 14:50

Why do women put up with such outrageous behaviour from partners. Would you be happy op if your daughters partner treated her like this? If not then ask yourself why you are putting up with it.

Giggorata · 02/04/2021 14:51

Yep, definitely the Brick.

Followed by a large shake up.

Good grief...

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/04/2021 14:54

This doesn't make sense though because even when he came back he'd have had to actively lock it?? Why would he lock it if he knew you would becoming home

My DH is an obsessive door locker if (say) he is alone in the house and decides to do something in the back garden or upstairs. He doesn't like to leave the place vulnerable. He rarely leaves the key in the lock, though, or when he does he pulls it part way out so that I can get my key in from the other side.

He's never left me on the doorstep with a small child desperate for the toilet

cheeseandpineapple · 02/04/2021 14:56

He’s either self important or too insecure at work to pause a call. Either way you and your child are not sufficiently important to him. You need to communicate to him that this behaviour is unacceptable.

Nothing is that important to leave you and your child waiting for more than a couple of minutes at most unless he’s unconscious or shitting his guts out.

Sakurami · 02/04/2021 14:56

Even once it is unacceptable. Unless he is in the middle of brain surgery or in charge of an imminent war, then it is good reason to split.

We have all had important meetings online over the last year. I think 9 out of 10 meetings, people have turned their video off/left for a few minutes for anything from a parcel delivery, to a toilet break or to just make some coffee.

I cannot believe the selfish bastard left you outside for an hour.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/04/2021 14:57

Guess what? I run my own business and manage to remember important stuff AND menial household stuff. ALL BY MYSELF! HOW DO I DO IT?!

AND I'm a mere woman!!

I'm betting you're self-taught, too Rincewind. I'm willing to put money on the fact that you could heat up a tin of beans without someone having to give you detailed instructions every single time .

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/04/2021 14:59

@Wallywobbles

Att herbs (why) = at the end
Autocorrect, like an abusive husband , does things BECAUSE IT CAN!

Doesn't need a reason.

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