Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner wont put me on mortgage

314 replies

Mynewusername1 · 01/04/2021 19:43

Would you expect your partner to put your name on the mortgage if you were in a long term relationship?
oh says its his money as hes worked hard he has a degree etc and saved up deposit
I work but only earn min wage not educated but pay towards bills food & holidays etc...

OP posts:
canigooutyet · 01/04/2021 21:37

Yep the stark realities are vile that some people do use children to trap their partner in some way including females who fall for the you don't need to work I will support you whilst you raise the children.

PurpleBiro21 · 01/04/2021 21:38

@hhsa

Same as pp I am stay at home mum to 4. Married 20 years and never worked in my married life. He pays the morgage etc. If we broke up he would leave not me.
That’s because you are married. There is plenty a woman who has been left destitute later in life because they weren’t.

Didn’t Jerry Hall end up without a penny as her and Mick Jagger had never legally married?

nitsandwormsdodger · 01/04/2021 21:38

No way would I put anyone on my mortage unless you were giving me half the deposit half the mortgage payments half the renovation maintenance cost Only gaining from the point of buying in not past profits

Dizzy1234 · 01/04/2021 21:39

Just read your update, I retract my previous post, you have children together, you were together when he bought the house but didn't put you on the mortgage and now he still doesn't want to put you on the mortgage or even get engaged.
Are you doing most of the childcare? I expect you're earnings would be improved if you weren't raising his children.
I wouldn't trust him, he is leaving you completely unprotected. He does not have your best interest at heart, you're the mother of his children. 💐

PurpleBiro21 · 01/04/2021 21:39

@DarkMatterA2Z yes, ‘May’ step up. I wouldn’t gamble with my DC well being like that.

DarkMatterA2Z · 01/04/2021 21:41

I wouldn’t gamble with my DC well being like that.

Making them homeless is also gambling with their well-being. If they stay with their dad, he has to house them.

LolaSmiles · 01/04/2021 21:41

I do not understand why marriage differentiates being put on the mortgage or not for most of the posters here
Because I believe that adults in this country are (and should continue to be) free to enter or refrain from legally binding their affairs and finances to someone else.

Morally, if the OP has given up her security and pension and career then I think she should be on the deeds to reflect that she has facilitated his career and the family unit, but that's neither here nor there.
If she has paid into the house (not just towards bills) then I think the property should have each person's contribution ring-fenced accordingly.

There are many people who cohabit later in life and opt not to marry as both people have adult children who they wish to give inheritance to without adding in a new spouse, who can disinherit the children if they so wished. If adults with to join their affairs and finances then they can, by making an active decision to draw up property together or opt to marry. If they don't then I don't think any adult should be forced to live alone to avoid someone claiming their assets.

The solution in my opinion is for people to get educated on their rights, responsibilities and finances and then make an informed decision, not remove other adults' living options because some people don't like the consequences of their choices.

nitsandwormsdodger · 01/04/2021 21:41

Ah you have kids.... well that changes everything
Should have waited to have kids till after you had legals sorted

CorianderBee · 01/04/2021 21:45

My partner and I have been together 8 years. He owns our home. I don't expect to be put on the mortgage until we marry. But, I also don't pay towards the mortgage (we split bills etc but not mortgage).

PurpleBiro21 · 01/04/2021 21:45

@DarkMatterA2Z

I wouldn’t gamble with my DC well being like that.

Making them homeless is also gambling with their well-being. If they stay with their dad, he has to house them.

Which is why the OP needs to seek security independently. He’s already kicked the DC out once, was she supposed to put them back through the letter box?

I just cannot imagine the practicalities of packing your clothes while telling the DC ‘stay here without me because your useless dad has a duty to house you’.

Incidentally I’ve looked it up - the Jaggers came to a financial settlement, the ‘marriage’ was annulled.

Esse321 · 01/04/2021 21:47

I was living with someone, mortgage and house deeds in his name despite me paying 50% of mortgage and all bills even when i was on maternity leave, plus i put thousands (that my Grandfather left me) into renovations. We both earned roughly the same. When i was about to have DC2 I had an urge to get things in order paperwork wise, I got some specific advice from Mumsnet (thank you Xenia) and put my foot down and insisted the house was also in my name as tenants in common with a fair split - and that i was also on the mortgage. We split up four years later - i needed that financial protection in order for me to buy my own place. Protect yourself for the just in case future OP :-)

Supersimkin2 · 01/04/2021 21:47

He’s a selfish fuck who cares 0 for his DC and their mother.

OP, none of this is your fault. Society put pressure on you to move in to advance your hopes of marriage - who marries these days without cohabitation - told you having kids out of marriage was just dandy, and screwed your earning power when you gave birth.

Men know they benefit hugely, with sex, domestic services, cash and even children provided - all for free. Well, her indoors pays the bill.

Marriage is the only thing that redressed the balance a little bit.

CorianderBee · 01/04/2021 21:49

Oh, you have kids... yes I'd expect to be on it but tbh I'd expect to do that through marriage.

yessun · 01/04/2021 21:49

Yes he should put you on. I'd be saving as much as possible if I was you and definitely no contributing to things that need fixing in the house etc.

addictedtotheflats · 01/04/2021 21:53

I didnt, we have been together 10 years, my deposit my house. Our next place we will get together but mainly because we now have a child and if one of us die its makes it easier. We need to get married aswell really 🙈

wewereliars · 01/04/2021 21:53

DarkMatterA2Z The issue is not that men can't be a good parent. The issue is that this particular one is a selfish shit.

CayrolBaaaskin · 01/04/2021 21:56

I don’t think op is a gold digger at all or any of those other awful things that have been said. However, if the sexes were reversed would the responses be the same? Op says she works a minimum wage job - maybe she would never have been in a position to buy a house and so her financial position with LVM is nothing any worse that it would be otherwise. That’s not to say there is anything wrong with that - there isn’t abs there are other things in life than money and career. But we don’t know that op has sacrificed a career for her dc or dp.

I didn’t marry my dds dad and left with all the assets (which were my assets). I don’t dislike the guy at all but I want my assets for me and my (well our) children. He earned less than me and probably did a little more childcare but that was the same before and after kids - he sacrificed nothing for me. I don’t want him to be unhappy and did give him a few things in the break up (car etc) but I wanted to ensure I could care for the children and that was my main priority. Also I don’t think he should be entitled to any of my assets because we were involved. I think adults should provide for themselves generally.

DarkMatterA2Z · 01/04/2021 21:57

@wewereliars. Lots of men are enabled to be selfish shits by their partners, but can turn things around if they have to (and if the alternative is neglecting their children).

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/04/2021 21:57

He sees the children as an extension of you rather than being half his responsibility or, god forbid, actually putting them first like a decent parent. God he sounds like an utter prick.

ItsMarch · 01/04/2021 21:59

@StephenBelafonte

We have dc but he says i wanted them :-

In that case, he's a bit of a cunt isn't he? Leaving you to take the financial hit for the kids whilst he gets on and builds himself a nice little pile of assets, safe in the knowledge he's getting easy access to sex, children raised for free, financial help running the house and domestic chores carried out.

This 👆

He sounds awful. So he brought it without you, lets you do the childcare and sacrifice your career and offers you no protection or security?

Doesn’t sound like much of a “partnership” to me.

ChronicallyCurious · 01/04/2021 22:02

I was going to say no but then I read that you have kids. I think you should be on the mortgage. You’re not married, what happens if he just fucks off? You’ll have nothing. You need to be financially protected

SionnachGlic · 01/04/2021 22:07

Putting you on the title where you then co-own the property & on the mortgage where you are liable for the debt are two very different things. The ideal would be to be on title but not on the mortgage. If he has a mortgage then in fact it is not him who gets to decide, he can't do it without the Bank agreeing to it. If mortgage is 'joint & several liability', it means you are both then liable for the full amount of outstanding debt...not just half each, so if for some reason Bank wanted to demand full payment, they can go after both or either of you for the full amount owing . Thus Bank weighs up your ability to re-pay based on your income etc. If it doesn't support the debt, unlikely Bank would agree to it. Also...just because you live with him, doesn't mean he wants you or that you should have a share in his property. But in any event, its not that simple. Plus tax implications if you are not married.

WisnaeMe · 01/04/2021 22:09

@StephenBelafonte

We have dc but he says i wanted them :-

In that case, he's a bit of a cunt isn't he? Leaving you to take the financial hit for the kids whilst he gets on and builds himself a nice little pile of assets, safe in the knowledge he's getting easy access to sex, children raised for free, financial help running the house and domestic chores carried out.

agreed 🌸

WisnaeMe · 01/04/2021 22:09

@KeepCoolCalmAndCollected

He's protecting himself (and a selfish cunt). Get rid.

yip 🌸

canigooutyet · 01/04/2021 22:11

There's also lots of assumptions that the op has sacrificed her career for him when she hasn't mentioned what she was doing whilst he improved his earning potential. The property was purchased whilst together but no mention of when the deposit was saved. He could have worked his ass off like some of the previous posters before entering the relationship.

Swipe left for the next trending thread