Gut feeling husband is going to leave me soon.

[Blackcat88]

I feel somewhat silly for writing this as I’m genuinely not sure what to think and haven’t been in this situation with him before. For some months I’ve noticed my DH has distanced himself from me quite a bit and has missed big events (in our relationship) like valentines, Mother’s Day etc. I feel like he’s been avoiding me and not making any effort anymore. He’s locked down his social media too, as I called out the fact he had randomly started following A number of women on SM which generally wasn’t a problem but the amount in a short space of time was. I have the gut feeling it’s someone from work as he has stopped texting me on breaks etc (which he always did before) and I found pictures of me in his recently deleted folder in his phone so there are no pictures of me in there anymore.

I’ve found he’s blowing up over the silliest things. He makes minimal eye contact and often comes home from his night shift and instead of getting into bed for a cuddle like he used to (before the kids get me up) he’ll stay downstairs, and go up when we’re up and often be up there for some time awake etc. It feels almost like resentment.

He’s working an increasing amount of overtime and seems to have no time for me anymore.

I despise him and I've never even met him.

Seek legal advice ASAP, a lot of solicitors will give half an hour free on the phone for the first call. Act fast before he starts buying a house and tying his money up, he seems to forget that deposit he’s managed to save is half yours.. your married!! I do think he’s getting his ducks in a row I’m afraid xx

@Tatiana30

I despise him and I've never even met him.

Same - what a fucking prick.

Agree with most of the advice above, play nice and keep your cards close to your chest, get your financial affairs in order, seek legal advice and then destroy him.

Duplicitous shit.

Hope you're okay OP.

@Shouldbedoing

Dear OP, I've RTFT and I'm concerned at the entrenchment of finances and waste of legal fees if he's able to buy a house at this stage. It would take a lot of unravelling and in the short term, you lose money on purchase costs, surveys, building insurance etc. He doesn't seem to realise that only half of the family pot is his and probably only one third of it since you will be primary carer for 2 small babies, something to ask a solicitor, I think.

^ I agree.

Please don't rely on a Housing Association OP....they're all run into the ground and short of housing. It can take years to get somewhere.

Awful. People like him are the scum of the earth.

@SpacePotato

The bullshit he's been telling mummy is all part of the story he is concocting about you being mean and making him do everything so it's all your fault. You drove him to it etc etc.

His behaviour will get worse as he ramps it up so that YOU are the one to break up with him, thus he is again able to position himself as the victim on the situation.

He now feels so confident in his bullshit he us bringing the other person into your home! Fucker.

Wait, what? Have I missed a post where it's been confirmed he's been cheating?

@HmmmmmmInteresting

I mean, was he watching outnumbered and friends with Barry do you think?

I'm sure he's been poisoning his mum's mind against OP for some time now. That way he can say that OP's 'behaviour and lack of caring' drove him into the arms of the OW' and so his cheating was 'not really his fault'.

[quote JesusIsAnyNameFree]@HmmmmmmInteresting

I mean, was he watching outnumbered and friends with Barry do you think?[/quote]
Ah, right. I thought there's been in update I'd missed.

What a shit date Friends and Outnumbered in your boyfriend's family home would be.

Plant this in your house when you go to the BBQ, it's from Amazon.

OP I'm concerned that you're going to be sucker punched here as you are sitting there hoping it's all a dream and don't really seem to be planning for the inevitable

I'm also worried you're going to give him your savings if he decides to act nice for a day.

What is it with these women - mothers of sons who think they can do no wrong.

I have three sons - all now fathers (eek one is a Grandpa).

From the get go when they started having girlfriends I warned every one of them if they EVER messed around with a girl’s heart or treated them badly or disrespectfully in any way they would answer to me first. They knew I would not stand for bad behaviour from them to any woman no matter how old they were.

They knew I meant what I said. I am happy that, so far as I know, and I made sure I knew, they are happy and secure in the relationships and very respectful to their now wives.

Each of my daughters in law have told me, on many occasions when we have been together drinking gin and cocktails together that they think I did a good job with my sons and I take that as a compliment.

I am a sister to a “Prince” of a son - a really real Golden Boy who could do no wrong and who my mother worshipped. He was sexually and physically abusive to me and my other sister. When we told our mother she accused us of lying as her Prince was always the biggest and best in her life. My sister and I were “disappointments” to her.

With this upbringing I very very early on knew that if I ever had a son he would be the polar opposite and I am proud to say they are.

Just as a footnote - my mother turned him into a man who was completely utterly and entirely of forming a relationship with any woman.

Boys from a very early age should be taught to respect women and I despise the mothers who think their sons are invincible and need protecting from neglectful wives

I'm sorry OP but he's having an affair. It's textbook.

He's spinning lies to his DM about you to make you look like the bad guy so when you split, you look like the bad guy instead of him.

I would honestly install cameras, catch him out, kick him out and then tell your MIL everything. Don't give him the opportunity to make you look like the bad guy. Just remind him you have the evidence.

@dodiebantock

My thoughts exactly.

Wow girls I’ve found some things out tonight whilst he’s at work!

He has a secret email hes locked down very well! With his old number as a security question (luckily my sister had an old text from this number) and is linked with his new phone. Tomorrow when he’s in bed I’m going to make sure I get the phone and access this email and I’m certain this is where they’re talking.

Wow, op, that's great sleuthing!

Good luck and make sure you have your phone and a USB stick ready to take copies of any financial documents you find and photos of anything incriminating.

Also, take care of yourself

Absolutely shocked! I know every email address he has and this one is completely different and quite formal too which makes me think work affair

And it is so locked off too.

Im not surprised you're so shocked, keep with that adrenaline though, it will see you through.

Quite formal also makes me wonder if this is how he's been conducting his sneaky financial affairs like the mortgage, which is why I think you need to be prepared to save copies of any documentation or pertinent correspondce to a USB drive. If he's hiding money you're entitled to a share of in a split then you'll also need evidence.

Just be careful.

How on earth did you guess that security question?

I feel so sick, my tummy’s sinking

@NotMyPremium

How on earth did you guess that security question?

My sister had an old old text asking if I was with her off a number, a text from back in 2018!!! I put it in and it was the number he used!

@Blackcat88

Yes we all know that feeling.
Make sure you eat and drink tonight. You are in shock, look after yourself.

x

I’m so scared for what I’m going to see on this email.