Gut feeling husband is going to leave me soon.

[Blackcat88]

I feel somewhat silly for writing this as I’m genuinely not sure what to think and haven’t been in this situation with him before. For some months I’ve noticed my DH has distanced himself from me quite a bit and has missed big events (in our relationship) like valentines, Mother’s Day etc. I feel like he’s been avoiding me and not making any effort anymore. He’s locked down his social media too, as I called out the fact he had randomly started following A number of women on SM which generally wasn’t a problem but the amount in a short space of time was. I have the gut feeling it’s someone from work as he has stopped texting me on breaks etc (which he always did before) and I found pictures of me in his recently deleted folder in his phone so there are no pictures of me in there anymore.

I’ve found he’s blowing up over the silliest things. He makes minimal eye contact and often comes home from his night shift and instead of getting into bed for a cuddle like he used to (before the kids get me up) he’ll stay downstairs, and go up when we’re up and often be up there for some time awake etc. It feels almost like resentment.

He’s working an increasing amount of overtime and seems to have no time for me anymore.

Just leave this piece of shit now !! Tell him today it's over and get your finances in order, he has zero respect for you he's only thinking of himself, get rid of this waste of space.

This happened with my ex mother in law while my exh was checking out of our marriage. He’d go to his parents and tell them (unbeknownst to me) that he wasn’t happy etc when really he was having an affair.

It’s a horrible feeling when your husband checks out on you and the kids and I really feel for you. You and your children deserve so much better than someone who could have the nerve to being another woman into your family home! I’m much happier single and hopefully further down the line you will be too.

Oh and either tell him you know everything and let him shit himself, or pretend you're oblivious and tell him you're leaving because you're just not attracted to him and he doesn't excite you anymore.

I think his mum is in on it and is helping him buy a house to get away from OP. She might not know about the affair though. She might behave differently if she did.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Make sure you know where all the money is and once it is out in the open make sure it is understood by both of you so he cant squirrel it away.

Even if he does a complete 360 behaviour wise don't give him a penny of your savings towards a deposit OP.

Is there any way you could stay with your mum for a while until you sort out another tenancy and have a private chat with the current landlord regarding having your name removed from the current tenancy?

I mentioned to him earlier that next Thursday my mums having a small bbq and for the kids to play etc (I wanted to see his reaction about coming as recently he doesn’t even make eye contact with my mum). He said oh can’t they do it on my day off, I said well I could ask them to rearrange (kinda felt happy thinking he wanting to partake!) and I said ‘why are you thinking of coming?’ He said ‘well no I was going to arrange something with my friends’.

It really is dead isn’t it ☹️

Op, I am so sorry. It's a horrible situation to be in, watching your marriage fade and knowing you can't do anything as they have switched off.

Prior to you, how did he end relationships? This will give you a clue to how it will play out with you.
It does seem that he has started a smear campaign. This is because he has to be the victim and you have to be a dreadful wife...the alternative (which is the reality) is he is planning to walk out on his wife and children. If he was honest it would mean he has to face up to the knowledge he is utterly selfish and immature. He probadly has a nice guy image that he is desperately keen to keep.

I'm so glad you have lots of support. It will be a rough journey but you'll get through it and he will ultimately be a loser

@SeaShoreGalore

LOL at the idea of two blokes having a couple of beers and watching Outnumbered together

I know! As if!

Almost like he wants to know that I’ll be busy doing family time that I won’t find him with OW or whatever.

Can't they plan a bbq on his day off so that he can plan something with his "friends"? That's unbelievable. What a bastard.

I felt a tiny bit happy thinking maybe he wants to spend time with us, stupid I know.

@Blackcat88

Oh yes I get his mother will of course always be on his side, but it’s just the fact within 2 months she’s slowly stopped all contact with me (she’d usually message me at least every day)

Have you called her out and asked what’s wrong. I’d also say you are offended by her comments on the last visit as her son dose nothing around the house for his children and after all these years your disappointed she’s now behaving like this with you and you thought she knew you better.

You might find she tells you exactly what he’s been saying and she’s not as against you as you think.

It sounds like he’s deliberately sabotaging your relationship with her. And at the end of the day if she has a bad relationship with you and he’s a hopeless dad who dosnt have much contact with his children, you are her only chance for her to be regularly in her grandchildren’s life’s.

I think everything your saying and doing is right. Just be careful your not left struggling financially. The legal boards on here are fantastic for support.

Good luck x

@WallaceinAnderland

His mother must be aware of his plans to leave I think.

Yes, she may feel conflicted but her loyalty will be to HIM.

My xmil saw my x kick walls, cars, scream in rage at me. And she still sided with him. He was worse when she wasn't there. I hated her but I was safer when she was there. She STILL demonised me when I left (with injuries)

Can you arrange a night at your mum's with the DC and then pop back to yours (without any warning) to catch him and know for certain?

@Blackcat88 my initial reply earlier was that it doesn't matter if he's actually cheated or not as you deserve to be treated better.

However, I've now completely changed my mind! He's cheating and playing the "poor me"
card, already planting seeds with others about how hard is life is and how unreasonable you are! I think he's actually hoping you chuck him out to suit his narrative and protect his hood guy image. It would make me even more determined to get proof of his affair and expose him for the d*ck he truly is

wheres your savings OP?
move them if they are joint, if they are joint savings, half into your account, protect it.

if they are totally your savings - move them asap

sorry OP, he has checked out and planning a new life with someone else, with a house/flat on his own

get legal advice

If he wants to see friends on his day off, what difference does it make to him what day the bbq is?

@WallaceinAnderland

If he wants to see friends on his day off, what difference does it make to him what day the bbq is?

Exactly, he could arrange to see them any time.

@WiseOwlOne my ex mil was the same too. I despise her now more than my ex. She heard her son try to strangle me in the house where the kids were and did nothing. Then a while later referred to it as the bad thing her son did to me. She was/is a witch.

OP your OH is unfortunately up to no good. Do not waste time waiting for him to confess because he won't. Tell him you know what's going on, don't waste time trying to catch him out because you really don't need to. In fact tell him you've invited his 'friend' over now lockdown has eased a little.
Make the weasel squirm

I guess this would be your chance to catch him in the act then, next Thursday, if you wanted to.

As others have said he has been speaking to his mum and lining you up as the bad guy in all this. I would be so tempted to carry on with her as nothing has happened and then 'confide' in her that he is working extra hours and you are doing everything at home to support him blah blah blah. Put her back on the right path and let her suss out he is in fact lying to her (and you). And I would have everything sort in place so that when you do catch him/or he leave you have everything in the background sorted.

I would be so tempted to say I was going to be at my Mum's with the kids, then leave the kids there and head back home and see if you catch him in the act. You could easily pretend you'd forgotten something.

I'd be very tempted to give him a free house then turn up on the chance that they've been stupid/lazy/entitled enough 'to arrange something with my friends’ at your place.
Or set up a camera before then.

Ha! lots of people thinking alike!