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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What does this message from Husbands Mistress mean?

155 replies

zennor123 · 29/03/2021 10:45

HI
My Husband had an affair he says he ended at the end of 2018 this girl text me yesterday saying:

The joke is on you I have already had your husband I just got bored with sharing. He is pretty good in the bed and out the bed yet he doesnt want you.

DO you guys read this that they are still sleeping together and she has given him an ultimatum of that she stopped seeing him?

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 29/03/2021 10:46

Given that it's 3 years after he supposedly stopped seeing her, I'd say it's a fair assumption they're still in contact in one way or another.

MajesticWhine · 29/03/2021 10:48

Yep seems very likely it has been ongoing. Sorry

CausingChaos2 · 29/03/2021 10:48

I have already had your husband I just got bored with sharing

Sounds like she’s saying she ended it, not him.

TaraR2020 · 29/03/2021 10:49

I'd also suggest that if that's the kind of woman he cheated on you with, he's punching wayyyy above his weight with you.

Hope you're ok, op Flowers

munchiemunch · 29/03/2021 10:50

Wow. Surely you don’t still want him after this?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/03/2021 10:50

Text her back "Sorry, which one are you?"

OK, maybe not!

But it doesn't sound as though your husband has been totally honest with you!

RhubarbCustardy · 29/03/2021 10:50

Don't usually condone this but think you might have to look through his phone msgs as he's prob become complacent that you believed him. It's not looking as though he finished until recently. How did she get hold of your number except via his phone?

Changeychange1 · 29/03/2021 10:52

If they do it once, they’ll do it again.. she’s not the problem OP, the problem is him.

YoniAndGuy · 29/03/2021 10:56

Sounds like she is angry and hurt that he ended the arrangement - she needs to a. make waves for him and have an effect on his life and b. declare that it was she who ended it.

If she had dumped him, she wouldn't have sent that.

But it doesn't matter at all - she's scum, he's scum, who cares. The important person is you, and the important question what you want to do now.

ThatOtherPoster · 29/03/2021 10:57

I have already had your husband I just got bored with sharing

Sounds like she’s saying she ended it, not him.

It could also be sour grapes. He dumped her and she’s jealous of the OP and taking some petty spiteful revenge.

What sparked this - “joke’s on you” after so long? OP, have you posted anything on social media? Or contacted this woman first? This sounds like something prompted it.

Opentooffers · 29/03/2021 10:57

I read that as, she is bitter because he wouldn't leave you, so she was left with the option of sharing only - she has low standards.
It's a long time after the alleged end that she's communicated this, so I'd also guess that he's lied about when it ended. It's more recent than he's admitted, but it does look like it has ended.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 29/03/2021 10:59

It doesn't necessarily sound like they are still in contact, it sounds more like she is angry that they are not still together. She is unhappy and wants you to be unhappy too. If she had got bored and dumped him she surely would have moved on by now and never think about him or you.

BluebellsGreenbells · 29/03/2021 10:59

Has she messaged you before? Is she pregnant?

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 29/03/2021 11:05

Are you Carrie Symonds? 😱

Portla · 29/03/2021 11:06

Flowers Hope you ok OP.

It does sound as if something has happened recently for her to get in touch after this long. Have you confronted him?

Handsoffstrikesagain · 29/03/2021 11:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

EggscellentEggplant · 29/03/2021 11:11

Has this message come out of the blue after 3 years? How did she get your number?

LindaEllen · 29/03/2021 11:24

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Text her back "Sorry, which one are you?"

OK, maybe not!

But it doesn't sound as though your husband has been totally honest with you!

Ha that's a brilliant idea. I'd totally do that! She seems smug that he wants her so much, so let her think she's just one of many!
SplendidSuns1000 · 29/03/2021 11:25

Either their affair continued or she's recently tried to contact him again and he's turned her down. Either way something seems off considering the time elapsed since the affair allegedly ended.

LooksLively · 29/03/2021 11:25

It’s impossible for anyone to get into the mind of someone else but having said that, I think that this is about her.
Maybe she has recently be dumped by someone else and it’s opened up old wounds. Possibly alcohol involved?

But I have to agree with TaraR2020 his choice of affair partner doesn’t reflect at all well on him.

I hope you are ok op Flowers

Itsalonghaul · 29/03/2021 11:29

I can't think why she would text three years later, unless they were continuing contact.

I would text her back and ask her how she is feeling three years later, you will soon have your answer.

She wants to hurt him, they have just split - revenge text.

Sorry op, what a shit he is.

ThebirdsAndBeesWhereThere · 29/03/2021 11:30

What does your husband say ? How does she have your number ?

Flowers for you.

lighteincastlewindow · 29/03/2021 11:33

Text her back "Sorry, which one are you?"

Definitely do this. Take the wind out her sails

AdultierAdult · 29/03/2021 11:39

I don't think I'd read anything into it. Sounds like she's bitter. Was it late? Could she have been drinking and reminiscing?

Sounds like she's saying she ended it. Could be true. Could be a lie. Really you have to decide if you trust your shit of a husband enough to believe him and move forward and if so I'd block her number after texting back 'sorry which one are you?'

Wanderlusto · 29/03/2021 11:39

Sounds like he has just ended it with her now. And she is mad (and drunk/mental) so texting you.

But...doesn't really sound like something a girl would say. Does your partner have a burner phone? Because that 'good in bed' talk... ...

I wonder if you've been thinking of leaving him recently/pulling way from him or just stopped tolerating his bullshit and he doesn't like that. So to punish you, has sent you this text.