New neighbour wants me to be friends with his wife

[AlTempleton]

New neighbours moved in a few months ago. I saw the husband not long after they had moved in and we introduced ourselves and exchanged pleasantries.

I didn't meet his wife for a while, but then about a month ago I was cleaning my car and they both came out with their baby and came over to introduce the wife. He did all the talking - told me her name, that she's a SAHP, she doesn't know anyone here - and she stood there nodding and smiling as he spoke, but not actually saying anything herself. He explained her English is limited but she'd love to make some friends, she's very lonely at home alone when he's out at work, and that I should go round for tea with her once restrictions are over. I said something noncommittal like "that's very kind" and left it at that and didn't think anything more of it.

However I've just bumped into him again, this time on his own, while I was coming back from walking my dog, and he reminded me about having tea with his wife and reiterated again how lonely she is. He also said we can go in each other's gardens from next week. I said something like, oh well work's very full on at the moment but thanks, that's very nice of you.

I have a feeling now though that he's not going to drop it and that he's got me lined up to be a friend for his lonely wife. This is probably really mean of me, but I just don't want to. I'm working full time and I have a generally busy life, but also I just don't want the pressure of being the person who has to resolve this stranger's loneliness. I've only met her that once when he brought her out to meet me, but I have bumped into him loads of times as he's gone out to work, gardening or he's going for a run. I only ever see her sat at her living room window staring out. It feels like I've been earmarked to resolve the issue of her never going out.

I want to very politely shut this down as I don't want to have to vaguely keep saying things like "work is full on at the moment" every time he brings it up because I think that's not going at stop him asking me, particularly when restrictions are lifted.

Any ideas please? (Or am I just a horrible person??)

@AlTempleton awesome, I also love dogs more than people and only really like my own children, still grieving over the loss of my old dog last November, he was my soul dog and I’m still rather lost without him. Still have our border terrier though although I can’t do joint dog walks as he doesn’t like other dogs due to being jumped on too many times as a youngster, he’s 10 this summer so I let him off.

Everytime a poster tells the Op to "be kind" or variations thereof, I want to shout/sing "Up yer bum, up yer bum" a la the late Emily Lloyd from "Wish you were Here". I loved that film and I have often used Up yer bum as a childish retort when I cannot be bothered with reasoned argument, but without flashing my arse, cos sadly mine looks nothing like hers did.

Here are some 💐🌷🌹🥀🌺🌸🌼🌻 and some 🍹🍾🍸🥃🍺🍷 cos even though it's only 10.52am I can't help feeling like a big alcoholic drink would help The Op (and me).

@Lunde

Have only just discovered this thread - OP, I love you, and I love your husband too.

[quote DartmoorDoughnut]@AlTempleton awesome, I also love dogs more than people and only really like my own children, still grieving over the loss of my old dog last November, he was my soul dog and I’m still rather lost without him. Still have our border terrier though although I can’t do joint dog walks as he doesn’t like other dogs due to being jumped on too many times as a youngster, he’s 10 this summer so I let him off.[/quote]
Oh Dartmoor, I'm really sorry about you losing your dog last year

My three are the first dogs I've had, and I'm just dreading that day coming.

@ThePluckOfTheCoward

Everytime a poster tells the Op to "be kind" or variations thereof, I want to shout/sing "Up yer bum, up yer bum" a la the late Emily Lloyd from "Wish you were Here". I loved that film and I have often used Up yer bum as a childish retort when I cannot be bothered with reasoned argument, but without flashing my arse, cos sadly mine looks nothing like hers did.

Here are some 💐🌷🌹🥀🌺🌸🌼🌻 and some 🍹🍾🍸🥃🍺🍷 cos even though it's only 10.52am I can't help feeling like a big alcoholic drink would help The Op (and me).

I knew exactly what you meant as soon as you said up yer bum!! I loved that film too

Thanks for all the flowers and booze

@plumbago

Have only just discovered this thread - OP, I love you, and I love your husband too.

We both love you too

Can I be your friend OP? I have children (that I’m desperate to get away from at times) but also like gin and used to go running. Oh and I’d love a bunch of daffodils!

@TwinklyTits I meant to admire your user name earlier. Very beautiful and evocative.

You know what they say...

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.

And also #bekind which can quite frankly fuck off to the far side of fuck. How many women have been assaulted because they’ve been taught to be polite instead of asserting themselves when men are being creepy fuckers?

@ClaraLane

Can I be your friend OP? I have children (that I’m desperate to get away from at times) but also like gin and used to go running. Oh and I’d love a bunch of daffodils!

Oh go on then. You don't have all the required criteria, but I'm letting my guard down.

Here are your daffs:

My head hurts from metaphorically banging it against a bloody relentless wall on your behalf OP.

I hope the Be Kind posters are having a lovely 'cuppa' (shudder) looking at their Live Laugh Love driftwood wall hangings while they plan their volunteering for the day.

I feel the ones most guilty of #BeKindeventhoughimbeingawanker would appear in the centre of a Venn diagram of people who have said driftwood hangings and people who list 'ALL insurance - house, car etc' on their lists of daily responsibilities even though everyone else does them too. Once a year.

@BigFatLiar

You know what they say...

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.

@AlTempleton thank you it’s been four and a half months and still feels raw, we were so connected, I do love my other dog but it’s not the same, although I’m very glad I have him and he comes to bed with me every night so it’s not as if he knows that - I don’t think! - Jack was a border collie x and just awesome in every way. What are your three?

Hmm, I can’t speak for the OP Clara, but I believe her social engagements are arranged via her neighbour so maybe have a word with him re possible future friendships? You’re welcome x

@ClaraLane

And also #bekind which can quite frankly fuck off to the far side of fuck. How many women have been assaulted because they’ve been taught to be polite instead of asserting themselves when men are being creepy fuckers?

Quite.

I think one cup of tea won’t hurt, she may be very very nice and it’s always handy to be in good terms with the neighbours......especially if they are not scared of spiders and can rescue you! 😂

@youvegottenminuteslynn

My head hurts from metaphorically banging it against a bloody relentless wall on your behalf OP.

I hope the Be Kind posters are having a lovely 'cuppa' (shudder) looking at their Live Laugh Love driftwood wall hangings while they plan their volunteering for the day.

I feel the ones most guilty of #BeKindeventhoughimbeingawanker would appear in the centre of a Venn diagram of people who have said driftwood hangings and people who list 'ALL insurance - house, car etc' on their lists of daily responsibilities even though everyone else does them too. Once a year.

Please be careful of your lovely head banging it on that wall. You should see mine by now - what a state.

On the dogs theme and seeing there are now recipes here, another appropriate quote, I believe from a small boy...

Never trust a dog to watch your food

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

Palavah

Don't be silly, I haven't diagnosed anyone. I have just made astute observations and a kind suggestion. There is plenty of new mother information which will include PND advice as a matter of course and of course someone new to a country and parenthood could benefit from local knowledge.

@AlTempleton isn't it just Op? Thank you. They come in handy at Christmas

Personally I would probably try to source some advice for new mothers/PND/mental distress, some sort of pamphlets in her language

Armchair diagnostics of and then delivery of information (that since the OP can't speak Spanish she won't be able to read) on that diagnosis to a woman the OP has never spoken to might not helpful tbh.

I think it's one of those kind of gestures that would make the person doing it feel good, possibly at the expense of the person to be helped.