New neighbour wants me to be friends with his wife

[AlTempleton]

New neighbours moved in a few months ago. I saw the husband not long after they had moved in and we introduced ourselves and exchanged pleasantries.

I didn't meet his wife for a while, but then about a month ago I was cleaning my car and they both came out with their baby and came over to introduce the wife. He did all the talking - told me her name, that she's a SAHP, she doesn't know anyone here - and she stood there nodding and smiling as he spoke, but not actually saying anything herself. He explained her English is limited but she'd love to make some friends, she's very lonely at home alone when he's out at work, and that I should go round for tea with her once restrictions are over. I said something noncommittal like "that's very kind" and left it at that and didn't think anything more of it.

However I've just bumped into him again, this time on his own, while I was coming back from walking my dog, and he reminded me about having tea with his wife and reiterated again how lonely she is. He also said we can go in each other's gardens from next week. I said something like, oh well work's very full on at the moment but thanks, that's very nice of you.

I have a feeling now though that he's not going to drop it and that he's got me lined up to be a friend for his lonely wife. This is probably really mean of me, but I just don't want to. I'm working full time and I have a generally busy life, but also I just don't want the pressure of being the person who has to resolve this stranger's loneliness. I've only met her that once when he brought her out to meet me, but I have bumped into him loads of times as he's gone out to work, gardening or he's going for a run. I only ever see her sat at her living room window staring out. It feels like I've been earmarked to resolve the issue of her never going out.

I want to very politely shut this down as I don't want to have to vaguely keep saying things like "work is full on at the moment" every time he brings it up because I think that's not going at stop him asking me, particularly when restrictions are lifted.

Any ideas please? (Or am I just a horrible person??)

I also prefer my own company and am not a big mixer in the neighbourhood. Google some local baby groups etc for the mum.

@Alcemeg

Just an idea. You could try something like this? It wouldn't cost you much, although clearly it would require a personality transplant to give you just a glimmer of compassion in your dark, cold soul.

I can't do that - didn't you read how busy I am? I barely have time to spend three whole days on MN.

@AlTempleton gosh people on MN can be weird sometimes!!!!! You have taken a beating- completely unnecessarily IMO.

I think your plan is good- friendly, but with boundaries.

It's hard- you can feel compassionate towards her without wanting to be friends with her. I get it.

I know a woman through my DS nursery, also from abroad and also lonely. She really wanted to be friends with me. I didn't want to- not because she is "foreign" (I have plenty of friends from all sorts of places), but because she was hard work.

Very young mentally, very full on (eg calling me last minute to come and collect some home made food I hadn't wanted and couldn't eat right at dinner time and not really taking no for an answer...sweet but totally inconvenient), then wanting to meet up to get her Tupperware back, then offering to do my nails for free in exchange for some social media recommendations (I refused...). I just didn't LIKE her that much and have had to push back a fair bit.

So yes I get it. I have limited time and when I do have free time I want to spend it with the people I love. It's not unkind it's just realistic and honest.

And I am foreign too so I do understand all too well the experience!

Op stick to your plan and boundaries! Be neighbourly and that's enough.

@AlTempleton you owe it to mumsnet to go and invite the neighbours over again. This time with a massive bouquet of flowers and balloons. I'm dying to know how the man would react. I'm 39 weeks pregnant and need the distraction

@Alcemeg

Perhaps knit something nice for his wife, as an invitation for you both to take up knitting together as a hobby to while away those hours you will spend in each other's company.

I'll refer you back to my 'very busy, can't stop' posts.

Beautiful knitted daffodils though

[quote Whatamess582]@Veterinari seems like you have some burgeoning anger issues. Have you tried mindfulness... 😘[/quote]
Aw! Passive aggressive patronising and armchair psychology

It's like 'be kind bingo' on this thread.

Interesting how all the folk typing 'be kind' are actually just being passive aggressive hypocrites and not remotely kind at all

[quote Grumpasaurus]@AlTempleton gosh people on MN can be weird sometimes!!!!! You have taken a beating- completely unnecessarily IMO.

I think your plan is good- friendly, but with boundaries.

It's hard- you can feel compassionate towards her without wanting to be friends with her. I get it.

I know a woman through my DS nursery, also from abroad and also lonely. She really wanted to be friends with me. I didn't want to- not because she is "foreign" (I have plenty of friends from all sorts of places), but because she was hard work.

Very young mentally, very full on (eg calling me last minute to come and collect some home made food I hadn't wanted and couldn't eat right at dinner time and not really taking no for an answer...sweet but totally inconvenient), then wanting to meet up to get her Tupperware back, then offering to do my nails for free in exchange for some social media recommendations (I refused...). I just didn't LIKE her that much and have had to push back a fair bit.

So yes I get it. I have limited time and when I do have free time I want to spend it with the people I love. It's not unkind it's just realistic and honest.

And I am foreign too so I do understand all too well the experience!

Op stick to your plan and boundaries! Be neighbourly and that's enough. [/quote]
Thank you. And yes, absolutely it's nothing to do with her being foreign! I'm mortified anyone thinks that and I'm sorry anyone got that impression from my posts. I'd feel the same about a forced friendship no matter what.

@LookAChicken

Sorry, I'm losing track of who I've sent daffodils to because the thread is moving so quickly It's probably because I'm very stupid, as well as cold, horrible and childless.

So here's a big bunch for the lot of you:

I only need just over 100 posts now until the thread is filled. I'm going to beat that evening crowd waking up later!!!

@dontsaveusername

I also prefer my own company and am not a big mixer in the neighbourhood. Google some local baby groups etc for the mum.

Why should the op do this? Surely her husband is at an advantage and could use his cock to help type, you know like the hand that comes out of our vaginas to do all the care/wife crap?

And if the neighbours have refused the ops polite offer of cake and tea, you think they will want the op doing anything for them?
It would have been entirely different don't you think had he said hi, new to the area, don't support you know where's there's any baby groups, to which the op would have been able to say no.

Aw thanks OP . Now, have you considered taking a bunch to the couple next door? Sorry, haven’t read thread but it seems like a kind idea. Or maybe you’re just a c**t? BE KIND!!

@FortunesFavour

Aw thanks OP . Now, have you considered taking a bunch to the couple next door? Sorry, haven’t read thread but it seems like a kind idea. Or maybe you’re just a c**t? BE KIND!!

No, I'm just a c**t, you're right I'm keeping all my daffs to myself.

I knew it!!

Here you go Op
Nearly there ...

I think I love you @AlTempleton. I’ve only read your posts but I’ve so enjoyed your humour. No daffodils here but have a weird yellow flower and some vaginas.

🌼🌹🌹🌹🌹

Sweet and sour sauce recipe

piece of root ginger
2 star anise
6 cloves
inch of cinnamon stick
teaspoon of oil
600ml water
250ml white wine vinegar (I also like apple cider vinegar)
150ml Tesco sugar free double concentrate orange squash
1 tbs tomato paste
I large orange sliced
200g sugar

Fry ginger, cinnamon, star anise and cloves in the oil until fragrant
Add water, squash, and vinegar
Add tomato paste, sugar and orange slices
Bring to the boil, take off heat and allow to cool fully
Once cold strain the liquid and this liquid will be fine in the fridge for up to two weeks

When making the sweet and sour sauce I prefer to thicken the mixture with potato starch but corn flour works well too.
You can also adjust the sugar/vinegar ratio to suit your own sweet/sour taste preference

Enjoy OP

OP....you haven’t yet given me a daffodil...of course when you offer me one I will say ‘no thank you’.

This thread is mad!

It seems that Daffodils are a symbol of unrequited love and also deceit.

Clearly the neighbour thinks you are proposing a secret affair

Forgot the vagina doh 🌹

OP I can't believe the idiotic replies on this threas

I'll help fill it up

Not a euphemism!

🤦🏽‍♀️

🤗