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Original poster

OLD ~ not looking like photo

148 replies

happinessischocolate · 27/03/2021 15:52

So, I have been chatting to a guy on tinder since last weekend, during the week we moved over to whatsapp and he came up as a suggested friend on fb.

All his photos on the apps look okay, I'm not sure about men's sizes but let's say he looks the equivalent of a female 12/14.

We have today arranged to meet up for a dog walk next week and he has randomly sent me a photo of himself. He has definitely been eating a fair bit since his fb, whatsapp and tinder photos. He's at least a 18 now or maybe even a 20/22. He obviously knows he looks nothing like his online photos so has prepared me in advance.

On one hand I think meet up anyway as I've enjoyed our chats, but on the other I really don't think I'm going to fancy him now so what's the point.

What would you do? And would you mention the bloody obvious massive difference in weight 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Superstardjs · 27/03/2021 15:58

No! Don't mention it. What would you say? "FML, you got fat!" Either meet him or don't, but don't say anything about his size. Can you imagine if someone said that to you??

AmandaHoldensLips · 27/03/2021 16:08

I think saying something along the lines of "didn't quite feel that spark" would be a gentle way to let him down easy. Please don't wear a who-ate-all-the-pies t shirt.

Lolalovesroses · 27/03/2021 16:09

Ask yourself, if he had used the latest photograph he sent originally would you have still enjoyed chatting to him? If so go on the date. If you decide not to go, there's no need to mention the cat fishing, he'll know and hopefully won't do it again.

seensome · 27/03/2021 16:16

You're lucky you got an updated photo some leave it for you to find out on the date. If you're not feeling it then just cancel, don't tell him it's because he got fat, he knows anyway that's why he prepared you.

autumnalrain · 27/03/2021 16:17

Nope nope nope. Why would you want to be with someone that is deceptive to get what he wants? The weight is not the issue, the lying is!! On to the next.

Amdone123 · 27/03/2021 16:18

I'd just meet him, anyway.
Who knows what might happen ?

MrsBerthaRochester · 27/03/2021 16:20

I had this but I was already on the date! Had only exchanged pics but everything we spoke he was always at the gym or playing tennis. In his photos he looked like he had a strong,defined shape which is what I like.
When I turned up to the bar I walked right by him! He was obese. I had a couple of drinks to be polite but I just didn't fancy him.
Now I won't meet unless facetimed first!
I wouldn't waste your time.

TheWaif · 27/03/2021 16:22

I wouldn't go. I'd make up an excuse then just not respond.

You don't owe him anything, he's not been honest with you. Why waste everyone's time.

greycloudysky · 27/03/2021 16:25

My first ever date on OLD, I was chatting away to this guy with long, dark hair who looked quite young for his age but then, so do I. We seemed to have a lot in common so I met up with him. That photo was at least 20 years ago.

He was at least five stone heavier, had lost most of his hair and had red, blotchy skin, perhaps some kind of psoriasis. To make matters worse, he was a complete prick.

Piptastic · 27/03/2021 16:31

Please go. Give him a chance. From experience the greatest loves in my life so far are with men I perhaps wouldn't have looked twice at if I hadn't got to know them as a person first before meeting them. You may not fancy them and that's fine but don't not go, it's just a walk and, as pp said you could just say you didn't feel a spark if you are not feeling it after the date. I'd say don't ever mention anything about weight, it isn't kind and even if it's true it doesn't need to be said. Go, have fun, you never know x

autumnalrain · 27/03/2021 16:39

@Piptastic the weight is not the issue. It’s the fact he lied and purposely put photos that he knew didn’t accurately represent him. I guess by your philosophy everyone should just put photos 10 years out of date to entice people in. Heck, I might just photoshop my head onto somebody else’s body ... no harm done ay?

TheWaif · 27/03/2021 16:42

Please fucking don't go, OP. He's lured you in under false pretences. You absolutely shouldn't give him a chance, he really didn't deserve it.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/03/2021 16:43

Well you're not obliged to go for any reason so if you don't think you will feel any attraction then cancel. There's no need to make it clear that it's because you're not attracted to him

BigPaperBag · 27/03/2021 16:44

You sound quite shallow @happinessischocolate I wouldn’t bother wasting his time then he can find someone who cares about more than just looks. This is exactly why all the good looking wide boys who talk the talk get the women (and then treat them like crap) The really nice ones maybe aren’t as good looking but are often overlooked. Your choice.

TheWaif · 27/03/2021 16:46

@BigPaperBag

You sound quite shallow *@happinessischocolate* I wouldn’t bother wasting his time then he can find someone who cares about more than just looks. This is exactly why all the good looking wide boys who talk the talk get the women (and then treat them like crap) The really nice ones maybe aren’t as good looking but are often overlooked. Your choice.
Oh do shut up. This guy has misrepresented his way into a date. He isn't one of the good guys.
zafferana · 27/03/2021 16:47

If you're not attracted him then don't waste either of your time. Some people don't mind if their SO is overweight/obese, others do. If you're disappointed that he looks so different, walk away now.

Plus, he's led you on under false pretences and I'd fucking hate that - it's no better than someone lying about their age IMO.

BestestBrownies · 27/03/2021 16:47

Hmmmmm. Has he intentionally lied/catfished though? Or (like a lot of people), stacked on the lockdown lard quickly and recently and is in a bit of denial? Convincing himself he’ll lose it quickly enough/has only gained a pound or two so doesn’t need to change his OLD pics, but then had a moment of clarity (sending you the recent ‘fat’ pic), because he likes you and doesn’t want to come across as dishonest or disappoint you maybe?

Are you looking for casual or serious OP? Do you like his personality enough to give him the benefit of the doubt for an hour or so?

I was VERY dismissive when OLD and wouldn’t stand for any intentional deception (20 year old photos, all photos sitting down so you don’t realise he’s only 5’2” etc etc). But this doesn’t seem intentional imho and you could be missing out on a great connection for very shallow reasons. In non-Covid times he may go back to his former physique quite quickly once normal activity can resume.

Captnip500 · 27/03/2021 16:49

I have had the same online too. My first online date after coming out of a long term relationship was with a guy who looked very slim and nice looking in his pictures. When I got there he was a good 4 stone heavier, looked 15 years older and was really really scruffy. It nearly put me off internet dating entirely but luckily i persevered with it and eventually met someone.

If I was you I wouldn’t go on the date of you know you couldn’t fancy him, what’s the point? It’s not going to go anywhere and there is no point leading him on. Also he has been deceitful which is hardly a good start.

JustAVerySmallVoice · 27/03/2021 16:52

And again the double MN standards.

If a woman posts on here worried aboutbherbcurrentnsize - maybe she's carrying some lockdown weight and hasn't had any photos taken since she set up her profile and it's how she looks now not how she'll look forever, she's told to send him a recent photo showing what she looks like now and that he's a twat if he doesnt want to meet her based on her current size.

JustAVerySmallVoice · 27/03/2021 16:53

However, OP, if you know you're not interested in him at his current size, then dont go.

Ikora · 27/03/2021 16:54

I took photos of my mate as hers were awful on her profile. I got her looking a lot better so I think right lighting, getting the best pic is fine but stuff like a 20 year old photo or being a totally different size is pure cat fishing.

relaxingforme · 27/03/2021 16:54

@BigPaperBag

You sound quite shallow *@happinessischocolate* I wouldn’t bother wasting his time then he can find someone who cares about more than just looks. This is exactly why all the good looking wide boys who talk the talk get the women (and then treat them like crap) The really nice ones maybe aren’t as good looking but are often overlooked. Your choice.
The really nice ones aren't are good looking". Is that not shallow😂
TheWaif · 27/03/2021 16:55

@JustAVerySmallVoice

And again the double MN standards.

If a woman posts on here worried aboutbherbcurrentnsize - maybe she's carrying some lockdown weight and hasn't had any photos taken since she set up her profile and it's how she looks now not how she'll look forever, she's told to send him a recent photo showing what she looks like now and that he's a twat if he doesnt want to meet her based on her current size.

What? I've literally never seen a post like that on here. Anyone can take a mirror selfie so they have a recent photo on their profile.
Changemaname1 · 27/03/2021 16:56

@JustAVerySmallVoice probably because women are conditioned to always try be nice

In reality it’s fine to not be attracted to someone because you don’t find them physically attractive

JustAVerySmallVoice · 27/03/2021 16:58

What? I've literally never seen a post like that on here. Anyone can take a mirror selfie so they have a recent photo on their profile.

Maybe you havent. Just I've seen quite a few.

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