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Original poster

OLD ~ not looking like photo

148 replies

happinessischocolate · 27/03/2021 15:52

So, I have been chatting to a guy on tinder since last weekend, during the week we moved over to whatsapp and he came up as a suggested friend on fb.

All his photos on the apps look okay, I'm not sure about men's sizes but let's say he looks the equivalent of a female 12/14.

We have today arranged to meet up for a dog walk next week and he has randomly sent me a photo of himself. He has definitely been eating a fair bit since his fb, whatsapp and tinder photos. He's at least a 18 now or maybe even a 20/22. He obviously knows he looks nothing like his online photos so has prepared me in advance.

On one hand I think meet up anyway as I've enjoyed our chats, but on the other I really don't think I'm going to fancy him now so what's the point.

What would you do? And would you mention the bloody obvious massive difference in weight 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Quirrelsotherface · 28/03/2021 14:12

I couldn't do it, sorry. I wouldn't go. Being so overweight would be an absolute turn off for me so there wouldn't be any point in going on a date at all. It's really quite deceptive of him really.

Mustbethemansfault · 28/03/2021 20:20

I really hope you all send unfiltered selfies with no makeup on so that people can make their mind up without you coercing them into a first date.

Absolutely mental how the reverse of these would bring out a completely different reaction

TheWaif · 28/03/2021 20:29

@Mustbethemansfault

I really hope you all send unfiltered selfies with no makeup on so that people can make their mind up without you coercing them into a first date.

Absolutely mental how the reverse of these would bring out a completely different reaction

What adult over the age of 20 uses filters on photos? And makeup is hardly the same because you'd wear that when you meet.

The OP is talking about someone pretending they aren't obese FFS.

coronaway · 28/03/2021 20:35

@TheWaif in fairness apparently the vast majority of women use filters on their dating profile. Hell I use a very minor filter on one of my photos.

I agree with the rest of your post though.

TheWaif · 28/03/2021 20:36

I'm bisexual and that isn't true at all from what I've seen. And I'm not just looking at 'lesbian' profiles.

Mustbethemansfault · 28/03/2021 20:55

Who takes OLD worthy photos during a lockdown? And most people upto late 30s and there's many over that use filters.

But if you're wearing makeup that's not what you look like, that's not what you'll look like every single minute of the day, it's easy enough to lose weight, it's not permanent is it?

But on the reverse "we got on really well but he doesn't want to see me because I've gained weight" he'd be a massive prick that was nothing but shallow and they should "find someone that loves you for you" or some other nonsense.

AyyMacarena · 28/03/2021 20:59

He can lose weight. Can you lose your shallowness?

TheWaif · 28/03/2021 21:11

What on earth is an online dating worthy photo? The vast majority of people use selfies. All my OLD pictures are recent selfies and I've never had any problem getting matches or dates. You don't need recent pictures of yourself traveling the world to get matches.

I would say exactly the same thing about a woman pretending she wasn't obese personally.

Wearing makeup is different from hiding the fact that you're obese. Makeup excentuates your features. Using old pictures to cover up the fact that you've gained a good few stone is deceptive. You can tell if someone is wearing makeup and decide for yourself if you still want to meet them. If someone is pretending they've not gained weight they're keeping the facts from you.

wingsnthat · 28/03/2021 21:13

@Mustbethemansfault

I really hope you all send unfiltered selfies with no makeup on so that people can make their mind up without you coercing them into a first date.

Absolutely mental how the reverse of these would bring out a completely different reaction

It really isn’t the same. If someone doesn’t like makeup or filters, they can feel free to scroll past any women using them, can’t they? Was OP given that same opportunity when this guy catfished her?
TheWaif · 28/03/2021 21:14

@AyyMacarena

He can lose weight. Can you lose your shallowness?
He probably won't lose the weight though will he? Or are you suggesting that the OP ask him to?

You're another from the 'women should date every single person on Tinder no matter if they find them physically attractive or not' school of thought? I take it you've never used OLD.

wingsnthat · 28/03/2021 21:15

@AyyMacarena

He can lose weight. Can you lose your shallowness?
Do you really think the male in question messaged the first woman he came across? In reality, he himself didn’t contact anyone he wasn’t attracted to. Why’s it okay for men to be “shallow” and not women?
Mustbethemansfault · 28/03/2021 21:39

It's not okay for anyone "to be shallow" but it's chastised when a man does it, it's encouraged when a woman does it and the justification is "well, men are pricks" or something similar, dressed up to look like they're being sincere and looking out for the OP, when in fact they're just bitter about a slight that the whole male populus must then follow the same narrative. The double standards held by some can be seen across so many threads and across so many different topics.

wingsnthat · 28/03/2021 21:50

@Mustbethemansfault you are heavily projecting. Your misgivings need to be resolved elsewhere eg via counselling, not on this thread.

but it's chastised when a man does it,
It’s really not. Men are encouraged to go for women out of their league and to be “punching”, it’s embarrassing for them to date someone considered unattractive, they filter out unattractive women all the time. It’s perfectly normal for either sex to do whilst dating.

AyyMacarena · 28/03/2021 21:54

@TheWaif / @wingsnthat I'm not saying she should date every man at all but she has messaged him and seems to like his personality. To rule him out now because he has packed on a few kg is quite shit. She should still at least meet him and then see what she thinks. Where have I said it's ok for men to shallow? That's right I didn't...

TheWaif · 28/03/2021 21:58

[quote AyyMacarena]**@TheWaif* / @wingsnthat* I'm not saying she should date every man at all but she has messaged him and seems to like his personality. To rule him out now because he has packed on a few kg is quite shit. She should still at least meet him and then see what she thinks. Where have I said it's ok for men to shallow? That's right I didn't...

[/quote]
How is it shit? He's obese with no mention of even wanting to lose the weight or explanation of why he was using old photos. This man has deceived her and she doesn't find him physically attractive, why on earth should she still meet him?

Alcemeg · 28/03/2021 22:01

I hate it when people misrepresent themselves.

I spent a while dating someone who was pretty much an awful person, but literally disguised everything about himself from the very start. For example, he borrowed all the clothes for our first date. I know this sounds odd but it made it a bit confusing trying to suss out who he really was.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/03/2021 22:02

@Mustbethemansfault

It's not okay for anyone "to be shallow" but it's chastised when a man does it, it's encouraged when a woman does it and the justification is "well, men are pricks" or something similar, dressed up to look like they're being sincere and looking out for the OP, when in fact they're just bitter about a slight that the whole male populus must then follow the same narrative. The double standards held by some can be seen across so many threads and across so many different topics.
You sound so incredibly, unhealthily angry with women. Maybe get some help with that.
Mustbethemansfault · 28/03/2021 22:08

I'm projecting nothing, it's quite clear to see, in fact, every female I know that's on here has the same opinion.

I'm not suggesting that attraction isn't something that forms the basis for a relationship, you're conveniently skipping around the original point about the double standards:

  • Weight was the only issue

-They've not even met yet

-They got on just fine and things were all good until that photo

If that was the male that had just cancelled then they'd be called for everything, not be told good on them and such.

TheWaif · 28/03/2021 22:11

I don't think that's true at all. If I read a woman has deceived a man I would have the exact same feelings about it.

Mustbethemansfault · 28/03/2021 22:18

@TheWaif you're in the minority then, there's threads in here that descend into absolute chaos, goes from "we argued this one time in 2005" to someone accusing them of having an affair, not sure if I made myself clear in that I'm not talking about the whole female population, just a good majority of the ones that post "advice" on here, some of it definitely needs to be taken with a pinch of salt as some of it is genuinely scarily toxic.

AyyMacarena · 28/03/2021 22:23

@TheWaif well he's only just mentioned the weight so no wonder they haven't discussed losing it. He's probably shy to mention it. the fact that he used an old picture means he knows he's declined. Possibly, meeting someone he's connected with will help him.

She may be physically attracted to him if she met him, photos can misrepresent. All I'm saying is that they've connected and surely personality counts for more in a relationship?

Countingthebeat · 28/03/2021 22:34

@Mustbethemansfault

It's not okay for anyone "to be shallow" but it's chastised when a man does it, it's encouraged when a woman does it and the justification is "well, men are pricks" or something similar, dressed up to look like they're being sincere and looking out for the OP, when in fact they're just bitter about a slight that the whole male populus must then follow the same narrative. The double standards held by some can be seen across so many threads and across so many different topics.
It’s absolutely NOT chastised when men do it . We are constantly told men are visual and encouraged to wear makeup dress up and look the way men like
Roszie · 28/03/2021 22:34

Just reply who's that? To the photo he sent.

WatieKatie · 28/03/2021 22:35

@AyyMacarena you suggest that OP is shallow however why is it acceptable to use outdated photos, misrepresenting himself?

Countingthebeat · 28/03/2021 22:41

@Mustbethemansfault
What is a woman expected to do to be considered attractive ?

Be entirely hairless or close too
Hair shiny beautiful hair
Clear skin
Large breast or small breast depending on what flavour the man is into ( which I not can change day to day and depending on the porn he’s currently into )
Same with booty
Be shapely
Be slim and shapely
Look youthful
Have a ‘pretty ‘ face
Wear make up ( and look natural like ones not wearing makeup )
Dress sexy but not too sexy

What does a man need to do to be considered attractive ?

Have a damn shower wear clean clothes
Stay in ‘ reasonable shape

Yeah you’re right ... there’s a huge double standard

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