OLD ~ not looking like photo

[happinessischocolate]

So, I have been chatting to a guy on tinder since last weekend, during the week we moved over to whatsapp and he came up as a suggested friend on fb.

All his photos on the apps look okay, I'm not sure about men's sizes but let's say he looks the equivalent of a female 12/14.

We have today arranged to meet up for a dog walk next week and he has randomly sent me a photo of himself. He has definitely been eating a fair bit since his fb, whatsapp and tinder photos. He's at least a 18 now or maybe even a 20/22. He obviously knows he looks nothing like his online photos so has prepared me in advance.

On one hand I think meet up anyway as I've enjoyed our chats, but on the other I really don't think I'm going to fancy him now so what's the point.

What would you do? And would you mention the bloody obvious massive difference in weight 🤷‍♀️

I met a guy from an OLD site last year. We’d chatted for weeks before finally meeting up, exchanged multiple photos and video called. He’d put he was 5’11” on his profile but as soon as I saw him I realised that he was actually about 5’5” (I’m 5’7” and was towering over him). It just made the whole thing really awkward. I wouldn’t have minded at all if he’d told me his height, 5’5” wouldn’t have put me off. It just threw me and was such an obvious lie as soon as I saw him.

[quote Changemaname1]@JustAVerySmallVoice probably because women are conditioned to always try be nice

In reality it’s fine to not be attracted to someone because you don’t find them physically attractive[/quote]
Oh, I completely agree!

@BigPaperBag

You sound quite shallow *@happinessischocolate* I wouldn’t bother wasting his time then he can find someone who cares about more than just looks. This is exactly why all the good looking wide boys who talk the talk get the women (and then treat them like crap) The really nice ones maybe aren’t as good looking but are often overlooked. Your choice.

I knew someone would answer with this 😁 I'm no more shallow than anyone else who goes on tinder and swipes left or right depending on how someone looks 😂

I go to the gym, I keep myself healthy why is it shallow also want a partner who also maintains a healthy lifestyle.

Why do you assume that all good looking guys behave badly and all not so good looking are nice guys?

And that's before we start on the obvious cat fishing,

I think it's great you have got on so far. I'd go for the walk - he's obviously embarrassed which is why he sent you the pic.
Even if you don't fancy him getting out and socialising would be good. Please don't hurt his feelings after he has shown you what he looks like.

Oh just go

If you’re overweight, you’d find the most flattering photo of yourself to put online, he’s tried to be honest before the date

@JustAVerySmallVoice

What? I've literally never seen a post like that on here. Anyone can take a mirror selfie so they have a recent photo on their profile.

Maybe you havent. Just I've seen quite a few.

Quite a few posts where a woman has been misrepresenting herself on online dating for absolutely no good reason, then for some reason confessed this to Mumsnet just before going on a date? Then Mumsnetters told her that her behaviour was fine and that the guy was at fault if he didn't fancy her?

Because that sounds decidedly un-mumsnetty.

I was chatting to a guy when OLD and he looked nice, slim, etc. Anyway, we had mentioned going for a drink but no plans in place and then he sent me a video of him playing the guitar (a shared interest) and he was clear he had picked flattering (and old) photos for his profile. He had a beer belly abs just didn’t do it for me at all so I faded that one out and never met him.

I guess we are all guilty of putting our best photos on our profiles but a significant weight gain is another matter.

And yeah, I love the idea that it's shallow not to go on a date with absolutely every single guy who has an OLD profile 😂

*@BestestBrownies
*
Hmmmmm. Has he intentionally lied/catfished though? Or (like a lot of people), stacked on the lockdown lard quickly and recently and is in a bit of denial? Convincing himself he’ll lose it quickly enough/has only gained a pound or two so doesn’t need to change his OLD pics, but then had a moment of clarity (sending you the recent ‘fat’ pic), because he likes you and doesn’t want to come across as dishonest or disappoint you maybe?

This is what I'm wondering and why I've posted, I don't think the slimmer photos are particularly old, so may just be a more recent weight gain, although he says he has been back at work since July so the weight gain isn't from sitting around with bugger all to do all day.

Still undecided....

If you get on well, meet up anyway you may have found a nice friend. After the walk just tell him you didn't feel a spark if his weight is an issue.

Don't waste your time. Women are still allowed to have preferences about whom they date and he's not your type.

This used to drive me mad when I was OLD. I don't think it's fair that people do this - I estimated around half the dates I went on either lied about their age or their weight or their relationship status. I really value honesty so I found it hard to see past this!

As he's told you beforehand, I would meet up and just see how it goes.

If the weight is a deal breaker don't go. To those saying he's mislead you...well yes but we all present our best side online don't we? He did sent you another pic before you met, which I says something. Its not ideal, but I could overlook it if I felt there could be a connection.

If you've enjoyed chatting with him you could go on the date & see how it goes. It's not as if you have to make a commitment after that. At the very least you might find a dog walking friend.
In regards to his picture. I would be more worried if he hadn't sent me the updated version, at least he's shown you the real him. As people have already said we've all chunked out over lock down & maybe he's someone who has to regularly go to the gym to maintain his normal weight.

I wouldn't go and I would tell him why. I would just say thanks for the photo, it's clear that you don't really look like your photos on the app and that does change things for me. I've changed my mind about meeting up so we need to cancel.

@BigPaperBag

You sound quite shallow *@happinessischocolate* I wouldn’t bother wasting his time then he can find someone who cares about more than just looks. This is exactly why all the good looking wide boys who talk the talk get the women (and then treat them like crap) The really nice ones maybe aren’t as good looking but are often overlooked. Your choice.

There is nothing shallow about wanting to find a partner you are attracted too. Very few people don’t care about looks AT ALL, when it comes to dating. It’s naturals to have some physical preferences.

The OP never said that she expected some kind of bronzed god of a man, she just doesn’t think she can fancy him at that weight. So what would be the point? Presumably they are both looking for something romantic/sexual and if that’s defo not on the cards why waste his, and her own, time.

If this thread was a man talking about a women some of these replies would be very different...

Maybe he doesn't realise he has gained weight. I think there is a big difference between lockdown weight gain denial (some of us are in it!) And being misleading as some posters have suggested!!!

@WallaceinAnderland

I wouldn't go and I would tell him why. I would just say thanks for the photo, it's clear that you don't really look like your photos on the app and that does change things for me. I've changed my mind about meeting up so we need to cancel.

Seriously?!

Can you imagine the stick a man would get for sending a message like that?!!!

I

They might just be old photos and he hadn’t given them much thought? I would give him the benefit if the doubt but observe closely

@AmandaHoldensLips

I think saying something along the lines of "didn't quite feel that spark" would be a gentle way to let him down easy. Please don't wear a who-ate-all-the-pies t shirt.

This

Seriously?!

Can you imagine the stick a man would get for sending a message like that?!!!

A man wouldn't even message, he would just ghost her.

I think people often seem see double standards where there aren’t any. If a woman came on here and said that she had pictures on her profile that were out of date and she had gained a significant amount of weight since then. I think she would be told that she was being misleading and is setting herself up for failure and rejection.

I wouldn’t have the guts to tell him straight out that it was his weight that was the problem, it’s a bit blunt for me, but I can see how it might be doing him a favour in the long run as he can avoid making this mistake again.

If you turn him down now, you could kick yourself later if/when he does lose the lockdown weight in a few months time.

I dont think he's cat fished though (or whatever the expression is). My profile pics are all of me a size below what I am now because my current weight is just temporary....

In the future make sure you face time before arranging a date. Lots of men and women upload old photos. It sounds like you are new to dating. I would happily cut my losses now. He knows he is using old photos. Call him out on it politely and then block him because he will probably abuse you

@JustAVerySmallVoice

And again the double MN standards.

If a woman posts on here worried aboutbherbcurrentnsize - maybe she's carrying some lockdown weight and hasn't had any photos taken since she set up her profile and it's how she looks now not how she'll look forever, she's told to send him a recent photo showing what she looks like now and that he's a twat if he doesnt want to meet her based on her current size.

Some people just don't fancy fat people and find it off putting. It's nothing personal. The OPs date was deceptive. I would be upset if I was deceived in this way. as my type in men veers more towards football player build. I dont like fat men or over muscly men. It's just how it is.