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Original poster

Ex is refusing to bring 19 month old son home!

617 replies

Notlong2go · 24/03/2021 22:29

I posted a thread yesterday about how my ex is demanding to have our 4 and a half month old every weekend which I won’t agree to.
Today he picked up our 19 month old like usual and then later called me to tell me I won’t be getting him back until I take him to court or let him see our youngest.

So I have never refused to let him see any of the children but, I just don’t want him having our youngest overnight at this young age, especially when he has never spent any time alone with him.
He told me last night he was going to pick both children up and I told him it wouldn’t be possible to have my baby today and we would have to arrange something but, because of this he has said I am stopping him seeing his son so now refuses to bring our older son home!

This has made me even more certain I don’t trust him to take my baby away from my home alone!!

OP posts:
B33Fr33 · 25/03/2021 11:04

10:10Wellthatwassilly

Oh dear. Did you think that because my point took in a few points it was entirely about you. Including your opinion of winners and losers when this is a question of the best interests of a 19 month old. The interests of the absent parent come last. That's just necessary for the best interests of a child. If you insist on making a dad a loser because he's not the priority then he's a loser. But maybe, much like this thread it's not all about you or the loser dad. It's about what is best for a 19 month old child. Which you are prepared to put aside because an adult might disagree with another adult about how to parent a four month old.

Ganasha · 25/03/2021 11:05

Hope you got your child back OP

Wellthatwassilly · 25/03/2021 11:12

@B33Fr33 Confused

FatCatThinCat · 25/03/2021 11:13

What an awful man. I hope you've managed to speak to a solicitor today OP and are in the process of getting your child back.

Wellthatwassilly · 25/03/2021 11:15

@year5teacher no it wasnt silly. Its my opinion, i am entitled to that!

@SchadenfreudePersonified hence why i said she went on to have a 2nd child with him Smile

missbridgerton · 25/03/2021 11:21

OP, in the kindest possible way, you've chosen this guy as the father to your DC and like it or lump it, he's in your life for the next 18 years whether you want him there or not.

For the sake of the kids, you have to find middle ground. And that's not going to be found without a formal custody agreement to stop this happening again. You've been negligent in not doing this, and now you're paying the price.

Maybe focus on this instead of a new relationship?

B33Fr33 · 25/03/2021 11:21

Of course. You are entitled to believe that a confrontational attitude where absent parents have to "win" is the best way to care for toddlers. Of course you believe that and opine that in real life. Of course.

Original poster
Notlong2go · 25/03/2021 11:23

@Lentillover1900 as I have stated already, he has not spent time alone with our youngest and did not take care of him when he was here. He did spend all his time upstairs and only ever interacted with our older son. His reasons were that he would “bother with our youngest when he is older”
“Find babies boring”
“Your his mum so you should look after him”

And him staying here to help with the children was a pretence. He confirmed to me afterwards that it was because he could not self isolate at his home address because then his nan would have to isolate and therefore wouldn’t be able to work.

It’s getting a bit tedious repeating myself to those of you who are saying I’m withholding contact. I have never done that. He just refuses to make arrangements that are suitable for us all and is just downright abusive when I try to communicate with him.

OP posts:
B33Fr33 · 25/03/2021 11:23

11:21missbridgerton

Or the man could have put something place. This is very typical of MN to kick the woman as responsible for not only managing her behaviour but also the behaviour of her ex.

Also how long do you think these cases take?

FedNlanders · 25/03/2021 11:24

Police dont often get involved. At the very most they often do a welfare check. Thats it.

Courts didnt give a shit that my toddler didn't know her dad, nor did carcass really. It took alot of time to get the order to state they live with me.

mummylovesthesunshine · 25/03/2021 11:26

So if the mum is bf , British courts will say ' no dad you cannot have your baby . You must wait until the child is weaned off bf?'
Can't the mum just express milk to go with the baby? Surely that's a more reasonable court approach?

RandomMess · 25/03/2021 11:27

It's all a power play to him, I hope you get your emergency hearing today.

YANBU to not hand over a young breast fed baby and the courts will support that.

A bit of reverse psychology with your ex is "it's great that you are so keen to have both DC overnight once baby is old enough, it will make it so much easier for me to date and go out socialising" Watch him suddenly not want either of them AngryAngryAngryAngryAngry

Thanks
mummylovesthesunshine · 25/03/2021 11:27

Genuine question below. I have no experience of British family court.

Original poster
Notlong2go · 25/03/2021 11:27

I would also like to add that he has stated that he is stopping me from having my son home because I have had another man around and not because he hasn’t seen his youngest son.

OP posts:
Blueberries0112 · 25/03/2021 11:28

“But in the above post she says that he’s never spent 10 minutes with the baby.“

Maybe because the threats he make like not bringing back her other child. She was willing to let him take him for the weekend until he did this

CombatBarbie · 25/03/2021 11:28

Wow what an arse. Is he employed or self employed if employed then get onto CMS today and make it official.

Hopefully you are getting the ball rolling on an emergency court hearing!! Did I read right that he's not on BC for the youngest? If your BF then I highly doubt any judge would allow overnights for a child that young until at the very least he is weaned.

RandomMess · 25/03/2021 11:29

@mummylovesthesunshine you know lots of mothers can't express their milk???

Usually around a year old the courts would expect a baby to go without breast milk for a full day/possibly overnight.

Remember contact is for the child's benefit and not being able to have their main source of food and comfort to be denied as well as their primary parent is very cruel.

Blueberries0112 · 25/03/2021 11:30

"it's great that you are so keen to have both DC overnight once baby is old enough, it will make it so much easier for me to date and go out socialising"

It wouldn’t work, he knows where to hurt her. The children

Original poster
Notlong2go · 25/03/2021 11:31

@missbridgerton yes I will have him in my life for a long time but, that doesn’t mean I have to be controlled by him All that time.
I shouldn’t have to listen to abuse every time things don’t go his way and have him screaming and shouting at me in front of my children.
I have recordings of him doing so when i have tried to calmly talk to him.
The only person who will be damaging these children is him by using them as weapons and showing them it is ok to disrespect people.

OP posts:
Queenie6655 · 25/03/2021 11:34

Some of the harsh comments here are so unnecessary

Best wishes to you OP
Hope you got an emergency order

I have been through hell with an ex the father of my child

Your ex sounds abusive also
Please get a good solicitor and record everything that has happened

FedNlanders · 25/03/2021 11:37

Have you applied for a court hearing?

ChiefBabySniffer · 25/03/2021 11:43

Good luck op

BringMeTea · 25/03/2021 11:45

Sorry you are having to deal with this cunt OP. Sending strength for you to see this through.. Flowers

EnoughnowIthink · 25/03/2021 11:47

Can't the mum just express milk to go with the baby? Surely that's a more reasonable court approach?

No. Why should mum be expected to do that? Or perhaps more importantly, why should a breastfed baby suddenly be expected to take both a bottle and the breast? I know that some move between the two but others don't. There is also the issue then of milk supply being affected.

Usually around a year old the courts would expect a baby to go without breast milk for a full day/possibly overnight

The courts expected my baby to be able to spend time with his father from 10 months, progressing to over nights from 13 months onwards. I did have to literally threaten the Caffcass officer, however, with a complaint when she suggested that I should stop breast feeding. Reminding her that the WHO recommends breast feeding to the age of 2 shut her up!

kirinm · 25/03/2021 11:51

@mummylovesthesunshine

Genuine question below. I have no experience of British family court.
There is no such thing as a British Court just FYI.