Ex is refusing to bring 19 month old son home!

[Notlong2go]

I posted a thread yesterday about how my ex is demanding to have our 4 and a half month old every weekend which I won’t agree to.
Today he picked up our 19 month old like usual and then later called me to tell me I won’t be getting him back until I take him to court or let him see our youngest.

So I have never refused to let him see any of the children but, I just don’t want him having our youngest overnight at this young age, especially when he has never spent any time alone with him.
He told me last night he was going to pick both children up and I told him it wouldn’t be possible to have my baby today and we would have to arrange something but, because of this he has said I am stopping him seeing his son so now refuses to bring our older son home!

This has made me even more certain I don’t trust him to take my baby away from my home alone!!

@RevolvingPivot what was it that you said again?

Thank you for all those who have been supportive, my case is being processed still so no hearing yet!
HV Was very supportive though. I felt like bursting into tears when she was talking to me because she’s probably so far the only professional person who has really listened to me and taken into consideration the past violence and abuse.

Oh @Notlong2go are you getting proper legal advice?
By the time this gets to court it’s looking like your son will have been in his dad’s care for over a week.
Depending on your judge they could decide that he’s now settled there and award him “custody”.
This is urgent. (As I know you are aware).
I really hope you’re getting good legal advice.

@FelicityPike

Oh *@Notlong2go* are you getting proper legal advice? By the time this gets to court it’s looking like your son will have been in his dad’s care for over a week. Depending on your judge they could decide that he’s now settled there and award him “custody”. This is urgent. (As I know you are aware). I really hope you’re getting good legal advice.

I don't think that's true. My Dc were withheld longer then two weeks and judge ordered immediate return. Also OP can argue that child has lived with her since birth therefore much more settled there and not to mention the ex has been asking her for clothes etc. I'd expect as long as she chases, she should get a hearing early next week. It's horrible waiting though.

@FelicityPike I have spoken to people and got expert legal advice and they have all told me the same thing which is submit an urgent application for a prohibited steps order and specific issue order. I’ve chased it up with the courts and it is being processed as urgent.

I did request it be within 48 hours but my shit luck means it will now be after the weekend

Courts are working weekends now. It may still be within 48 hours

At this point
I’d be beavering away in the background re courts

But i would have plastered on a smile, apologised to the twat, invite him around for cuddles with the baby, say that you’re just a desperate highly emotional new mum blah blah blah

Get your son back.
And then formalise the fuck out of everything

@Boonlark they told me they don’t do hearings on the Werkend.

I have asked to see my other son and he’s said I can but, I don’t see him letting me take him and I’m afraid he may become violent.

Can you sister or someone be with you when he shows up?

Hopefully it won't be long for the date and the legal aid application to come through.

Please don't go alone. Take someone, anyone, with you.

Can you meet him in a neutral place such as a busy public park. Don't take the other children but go with other adults. Does your sister have partner? Could the three of you go with them keeping a low profile unless needed. Then scoop your son up and take him to the car?
If your ex becomes confrontational or violent then your sister and partner can step in?

This is fucking disgraceful op.

I am so sorry this cock is still trying to control your life.

Ignore the assholes digging at you in here.

Hand hold from me

One of my sisters is heavily pregnant and the other as her two toddlers. I will sort somebody though.
He has now told me I can see him Sunday!

Stay strong op. Its horrific how some men do this with children purely to hurt their ex. I hope the judge comes down hard on him. Sadly he will no doubt still be allowed contact but the CAO can be enforced if he tries this again

Do you know where he works? I wonder how his employer will view his current behaviour!

so he's also withholding contact 🙄

Health visitors are so often overlooked, but their primary purpose is the health and welfare of children under the age of 5 and mothers. Their reports and evidence are taken seriously by social services and judges.

I am glad your HV was supportive OP.

I have an idea of where he works @Dobbyafreeelf.
@porridgecake yes she actually really listened and seemed concerned unlike many other professionals who just seem to shrug their shoulders like “what do you expect us to do”

I am so glad you got legal advice!

The orders you have applied for sound correct, and I wish you success.

I hope they process them as a matter of urgency.

You can apply for custody determination and a visitation schedule after you get your DC back and after you get more legal advice. Don't try to get this part of it done without legal help. You may be told to go to mediation for this.

(I recommend having a schedule that covers 365 days of the year, with no day left up for discussion whatsoever).

Hocking that the legal system cannot protect you & DC quicker

I am so sorry you’re going through this, I can’t imagine how much you must miss your boy you will get him back though, and your ex has shot himself in the foot with this move. Everything is going to be ok, please don’t worry. I would show up to see your son on Sunday, take him home if you can. But I would not under any circumstances take your baby along with you just in case it’s a ploy to take the baby from you too. Stay strong

Notlong2go. I know what your going through as I'm going through simular thing as you. Keep chasing it all up and have you thought about applying for an injunction also known as a non molestation order aswell .

Keep going @Notlong2go really hope you hear something after the weekend re: court or sooner hopefully.

Speak to hv as much as you need, in our area the hv is part of an active group of people who work together with police and social services to help with any types of problems like this. It’s called single point of access and it’s part of children’s services. You can report a child you are concerned about then all the services work together to help, without you having to phone lots of different places. Is this something your local council offer? You’re doing an amazing job, am keeping everything crossed that your son is home soon and you can get proper contact set up officially at a contact centre so he can’t disappear with any of them again

@isadorapolly you called the OP a slag, not me! I said that the life was chaotic!

Says much more about you than me!!

Why do you feel the need to call her a slag?