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Original poster

Ex is refusing to bring 19 month old son home!

617 replies

Notlong2go · 24/03/2021 22:29

I posted a thread yesterday about how my ex is demanding to have our 4 and a half month old every weekend which I won’t agree to.
Today he picked up our 19 month old like usual and then later called me to tell me I won’t be getting him back until I take him to court or let him see our youngest.

So I have never refused to let him see any of the children but, I just don’t want him having our youngest overnight at this young age, especially when he has never spent any time alone with him.
He told me last night he was going to pick both children up and I told him it wouldn’t be possible to have my baby today and we would have to arrange something but, because of this he has said I am stopping him seeing his son so now refuses to bring our older son home!

This has made me even more certain I don’t trust him to take my baby away from my home alone!!

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 26/03/2021 12:05

Have you been to court ??

Magnificentmug12 · 26/03/2021 12:06

With regards to your updates I feel I was a bit of a prick in my last post. Sorry, hope
You get your son back today!

Original poster
Notlong2go · 26/03/2021 12:09

And to update I’m waiting to get a hearing, been on the phone this morning.
I think people believe this is a really quick process but, god forbid you have to go through this, people would realise it’s not as straight forward as some think. If he had kidnapped him due to not being on the BC then it would have been a different story.

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 26/03/2021 12:12

@Skysblue

I’m so sorry OP. There is an article below with the overview, but basically I think it says if the dad has parental responsibility (eg you were married) then you need to get a lawyer. If the dad doesn’t have parental responsibility then the police / social services may be able to help. If you are concerned for the child’s safety they have more powers.

nayyarssolicitors.co.uk/2019/06/26/parent-refusing-to-return-child-what-to-do/

Probably still worth callinng the nonurgent police number 101 but they may not be able to help much. They might eg go have an informal chat with your ex I dunno if that would help or make it worse.

It's if they are on the birth certificate they also have PR. I have already been told by the police there is very little they can do. It would be if there is a court order in place or unmarried/not on birth certificate, then that would make a big difference of course. In my case though it's not legally binding, SS have asked for me to stop contact with father and our son, so if he did do anything like this, I have been told to call the police and they will contact SS.
Redruby2020 · 26/03/2021 12:16

[quote Notlong2go]@SakuraEdenSwan1 I do have concerns and I did immediately contact the police when he told me he wouldn’t be returning him.

@Notanaturalm I have told him I’m not stopping him seeing our youngest but, he is adamant the only way he will hand him over is basically if I hand over our baby.

@DownWhichOfLate he lives with his grandmother and auntie and his grandmother isnt the nicest of women and wouldn’t be of any help at all. I have spoken to his mother but she is scared to say anything to her son as he has zero respect for her anyway. And he’s 29.[/quote]
At 29 🤦‍♀️ has he not grown up yet?! Most men if not all at least rent by that age. I'm assuming he isn't working then, otherwise how will he find the time to care for said child, or will he rely on his family, which I know people do, but it's not living in reality which you, I and the other mothers who have left people like him, have to deal with and work around on a daily basis!

Redruby2020 · 26/03/2021 12:18

[quote Notlong2go]@HamFisted in all honesty I would love to just go and take him but, I don’t want to cause any trouble in front of my son for that to be used against me. The thing is though that his dad works nights and my son is with his great nan whilst his dad is working and he barely knows her.

I have been advised to make an urgent application to the courts tomorrow which I will get onto immediately.

@SakuraEdenSwan1 he is on the birth certificate of our older boy but, not on the babies.

This has all stemmed from me trying to move on and now he is just trying to punish me anyway he can. He knows my children are my life and that’s how he can hurt me.[/quote]
Sorry OP just realised you have explained here, what I asked above about ex's work arrangements.

Well him not being on the babies birth certificate makes a difference.

worried3012 · 26/03/2021 12:18

@Notlong2go

And to update I’m waiting to get a hearing, been on the phone this morning. I think people believe this is a really quick process but, god forbid you have to go through this, people would realise it’s not as straight forward as some think. If he had kidnapped him due to not being on the BC then it would have been a different story.
Yes it can take a few days even for urgent court cases but you'll get a case soon. At least you're in semi contact with ex and you'll hopefully get to see your child today. When my ex did it I couldn't speak or see my child for the whole time.
Redruby2020 · 26/03/2021 12:19

[quote Notlong2go]@worried3012 he did say he was going to take me to court but, I don’t see him actually putting his hands in his pockets. He refuses to even pay for his children now too.

How ridiculous that a court order doesn’t even give them power to do something. What happened when you went back to court?[/quote]
Oh, if I had a £1 for every time my ex said he was going to take me to court, I'd have more money from that, than I've had in maintenance from him!
Unless he has made any progress in the last couple of weeks, as of a few weeks ago, my ex was asking if I would help him fill out the forms, for him to be able to see our son 🤦‍♀️ how pathetic eh!

Original poster
Notlong2go · 26/03/2021 12:23

@worried3012 oh gosh that must have been horrible! It just seems surreal all of this, I am having to ask him to see our child.

@Redruby2020 yeah i can’t see him doing anything about it. That’s why he has given me no other option than apply to court myself.

OP posts:
worried3012 · 26/03/2021 12:30

[quote Notlong2go]@worried3012 oh gosh that must have been horrible! It just seems surreal all of this, I am having to ask him to see our child.

@Redruby2020 yeah i can’t see him doing anything about it. That’s why he has given me no other option than apply to court myself.[/quote]
Yeah he's a complete asshole and doing the one thing he knows to do to really hurt you rather then do what most people do when they want more contact or changes to arrangements and go to court. Total bulky tactics designed to cause you the most hurt possible.

Cheeeeislifenow · 26/03/2021 12:33

Some utter cunts, on the start of this thread good luck op. X he sounds vile and abusive. It's all a power play to him. He clearly has no interest in being a good father.

Redruby2020 · 26/03/2021 12:36

@Jessbow

So, just for clarification....

you have a 19 moth old, and a 4/ month old and a new fella.

How long since you broke up with your childrens dad?

Yes I am confused too, is there an older child too? I thought someone mentioned a 4 yr old somewhere on this thread?
Redruby2020 · 26/03/2021 12:38

@sweetpotatopie12

I'm confused, your ex has your 4 month old son and is refusing to bring him back but he is being breastfed and not bottle fed???

I would be banging the door down to get him back.

Get your kids, get proper visitation in order and get your ex to pay maintenance. Stop with all the dilly dallying

It's the older child the ex has, if I am following correctly
Redruby2020 · 26/03/2021 12:38

[quote isadorapolly]@Blockedoff what’s that got to do with the OP? She’s asking how is best to get her son back, not whether you think she’s a slag or not.[/quote]
Who called OP that word, you've said it

Redruby2020 · 26/03/2021 12:39

[quote Blockedoff]@worried3012 with a four and 17 month old? Is it really common? I don't think so?[/quote]
Not that common no, I can't even think about it a year later, no way I want to go from one man to the next, you need a break especially when your ex has been abusive

Redruby2020 · 26/03/2021 12:43

@Imnotbent

This happened to a friend of mine last summer she is still trying to get her DC's back through court, it took weeks just to get access. Her ex partner has parental responsibility as he is on the birth certificate. The police could do nothing, she contacted social services and they got people involved who are helping her negotiate the process. There is a record of violence on her exes part but the children are deemed not to be at risk from him. It is very stressful for her I don't know how she is coping. Good luck.
I'm always shocked when I hear this, how an ex can be violent in front of a child, but not a risk, system is messed up!
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/03/2021 12:45
Flowers
Princessbanana · 26/03/2021 12:46

When you do get the children back, do not hand either of them over again. I would refuse visits as obviously he cannot be trusted to bring them back. Do not do anything and him bring you to court and get access put in place. Also keep on at cms, they are useless from what I’ve read! Wishing you look for a quick court day!💕

Original poster
Notlong2go · 26/03/2021 12:52

@Redruby2020 I have a 9 year old son not a 4 year old!

OP posts:
worried3012 · 26/03/2021 12:53

@Redruby2020 That's just you though. Everyone is different. As long as the kids aren't affected and the court will judge on that (not us) then it's not relevant. OP has already said she keeps partner away from kids in any case.

Redruby2020 · 26/03/2021 12:54

@WisnaeMe

He needs to buy clothes for his Son if he doesn't have any.
Yes! Although we do what we need to for our children, I gave in a lot with things because you think you can't let the child suffer of course, if he has kept him like he has, then let him crack on with it, I used to worry and put everything on a plate for him, they still expect everything to be done for them, so you can't be that bad then, as he likes to make out!
RevolvingPivot · 26/03/2021 13:18

I think I commented earlier and was totally in the wrong. Sorry about that.

canigooutyet · 26/03/2021 13:49

At the end of the day the op could be screwing 20 different blokes a week, as long as they aren't seeing the kids then really what is the issue?
Is she supposed to remain single the rest of her life?

If his objections because she's seeing someone, unless he has info to give the courts that shows the guy is a danger, legally he will be told to nicely fuck off.

At some point during the process a background check will be done.

worried3012 · 26/03/2021 14:04

@canigooutyet

At the end of the day the op could be screwing 20 different blokes a week, as long as they aren't seeing the kids then really what is the issue? Is she supposed to remain single the rest of her life?

If his objections because she's seeing someone, unless he has info to give the courts that shows the guy is a danger, legally he will be told to nicely fuck off.

At some point during the process a background check will be done.

Exactly and I wonder if he therefore plans to remain single for the rest of his life.
Mummapenguin20 · 26/03/2021 14:25

Hope you get him back today