Ex is refusing to bring 19 month old son home!

[Notlong2go]

I posted a thread yesterday about how my ex is demanding to have our 4 and a half month old every weekend which I won’t agree to.
Today he picked up our 19 month old like usual and then later called me to tell me I won’t be getting him back until I take him to court or let him see our youngest.

So I have never refused to let him see any of the children but, I just don’t want him having our youngest overnight at this young age, especially when he has never spent any time alone with him.
He told me last night he was going to pick both children up and I told him it wouldn’t be possible to have my baby today and we would have to arrange something but, because of this he has said I am stopping him seeing his son so now refuses to bring our older son home!

This has made me even more certain I don’t trust him to take my baby away from my home alone!!

Sorry you going througg this nightmare.
Will he allow to video call your son to chat it be good to see if he okay please 🙏🏻
Dont have over your son's clothes.
He can buy son clothes nappies food etc himself first step if he serious about access he need to provide those stuff not take from you. Thst might impact that it might be just too much effort and hopefully will return your boy to you asap 💙

@TinkerPony thank you. I haven’t handed anything over and he said he would video call but it wasn’t working. I asked to speak to him on the phone but being a toddler he didn’t say much lol.
I just want him home!

@Notlong2go Don't stand for that rubbish. Threatening to drive past morning and night to check on you is harassment. Did you get that in writing by any chance?

What is your living situation? Are you renting?homeowner ect? Is there any way you could consider moving to get away from him and him not have your address? Contact handovers to be done away from your home.

Hi OP I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’m sure you’re being swamped with advice but I just wanted to add that you shouldn’t discuss anything with him over the phone unless you are recording it. But really try and do everything by text so that you have written evidence of his threats to drive past your house morning and night and his accusations that he thinks one child isn’t safe with you (but he’s happy to leave the other one with you? )

Horrible situation. Gather as much evidence in writing as you can. Don’t let him know you are doing this.

@Dobbyafreeelf he told me he would drive past my home over the phone but he did text a family member and told them this in writing.
I am renting from the council but, they aren’t very helpful when trying to get moved home however, I am getting on their case about this.
@UhtredRagnarson I have one recorded phone call but, have texted more although he’s now treading very carefully

@Notlong2go oh my God he’s a total c*nt!! Im sorry you’re having to go through this! (I’m also sorry that there are some judgy holier than though idiots on this thread!) no advise but wanted to say I hope you get it sorted ASAP 🌈

@Notlong2go can you get hold of that text message? If so do so ASAP. I would be contacting the police tbh. Has there previously been police involvement? You say he was abusive - have you got evidence? If you have evidence and can get some form of harassment warning (can't remember what it's called sorry) then surely the council should be able to -and have a duty of care to - move you to somewhere you will be safe.

Thinking of you OP, hope this gets sorted for you quickly x

@Hatethepatriarchy

Sorry but you’re withholding contact from him and are shocked he’s doing the same?

I'm assuming it's the lack of sleep(or you were drunk) that means you haven't read the thread properly.

@Notlong2go

Not for one second was I suggesting you hand over your baby to this man. I am sorry if you got that impression from my post. I just meant to advise you that HVs have responsibility for child protection and safe guarding and would support you in NOT handing over your baby.

I hope you get some progress soon. What happened to the plan to collect him while your ex is at work?

This is just awful. I hope you can get your child back soon

@Wellthatwassilly

Men cant fucking win!! If he didnt want to see his kids he would be a prick, hes took action to see his kids hes still a prick🤷‍♀️ Op witheld access to the youngest child so now the father is witholding access to the oldest, fairs fair. Theyre both parents, clearly both got a lot of growing up to do. Hes an unfit parent yet you went on to have a 2nd child with him? He cant be that bad!

Your username obviously represents the stupid comments you make!

@Dobbyafreeelf I told the police but, tbh they weren’t very interested at all.

@porridgecake nooo lol I didn’t think you meant that at all, re reading my reply I see it sounded like I was implying I thought that but no not at all. I was just saying that I won’t even be handing over our little one until there is a court order in place anyway. But he’s getting weighed tomorrow so I will mention it to HV

The police won’t do anything as it is a “civil matter”.
If you haven’t already, post about this in the legal topic. It has far less traffic but there are often solicitors there who can give you good pointers.

Have you had advice about going to his house when he's at work and getting your son?

I honestly don't know what you should do, and am horrified there is no recourse for taking a child off his main carer.

@picklemewalnuts

Have you had advice about going to his house when he's at work and getting your son?

I honestly don't know what you should do, and am horrified there is no recourse for taking a child off his main carer.

I told her, she didn’t do it. The police would absolutely have supported this.

I hope it goes well for you today @Notlong2go and that you post later saying you have your child home. Good luck.

I think OP is just a bit worried if there would be a scene and traumatising her child. I understand that. She just wants to do things the right way and as fast as she can, which she is doing and hopefully will get somewhere today.

[quote Notlong2go]@hereyehearye I was in an abusive relationship with him and looking back there we’re signs that I am now aware we’re markers of his violent behaviour to come.
We have also been broken up for over a year and I have been alone for a long time. Unfortunately I was stupid enough for fall for his tricks again and got pregnant with our youngest little boy even though we were not together.
My children have been my focus constantly. I have been single since I was pregnant with our 19 month old son.
Now I have made many of stupid decisions in my lifetime but, that’s not what I wrote this post for.
I do not have another man living with me and he has only ever been at my home along with my sister.

I am even afraid to have him around my house again because my ex hasn’t told me he will drive past my house every morning and night to make Sure he isn’t at my house[/quote]
Op, you are fooling yourself. Looking back there were markers of abuse but at the time, you were all in. You were then pulled back in later for baby no 2.

Have you completed The Freedom Programme? Have you gone to counselling? Nope. Have you healed? Nope. This new relationship is another one of those stupid (in your words) decisions you will look back on and think: why did I make life harder for myself and my poor children.

Your baby is five months old and you don't have time to bed in the next abusive boyfriend because you still have to deal with the last one. End the relationship and work on stabilising your life for your children.

Please please please please please put your children first.

If the op went to get the child back she would have played right into his hands. There would have been a scene as getting the child out - and no the police wouldn't support this, If they did then they would have told op. Although he works nights theres no saying he doesn't have time off at the moment. If he wasnt at home, he would have soon been further harrassing the op.

Some local police stations do have a domestic abuse team. A friend of mine had panic buttons installed in her home by them and other stuff whilst everyone - friend,police, social services, health visitor, solicitor, nursery, gp - all supported her. Moving wasn't as option as all the support was local and WA would have sent her hours away.

Good luck today.

@hereyehearye She also said she's been alone for a long time but in January had a boyfriend she had been with a year. Also is the current boyfriend the same one or a new one? If so I'm not saying what he is done is correct and it is absolutely not but maybe he does think introducing the kids to him is too soon after 3 months. If all the above is correct your middle baby has seen you with the dad and two other men. Once this is sorted you need to concentrate on yourself and the kids.

If all the above is incorrect I'm sorry but that is how it reads to me.

Hopefully the contradictions are just the op trying to retain some anonymity. It hasn't been unheard off for partners/exes to trawl the boards looking for someone.

I'm a single parent, have been for a very, very long time. I get lovers who never come to the house.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

@canigooutyet

Hopefully the contradictions are just the op trying to retain some anonymity. It hasn't been unheard off for partners/exes to trawl the boards looking for someone.

I'm a single parent, have been for a very, very long time. I get lovers who never come to the house.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Yeah, my MN history is full of contradictions only because I'm petrified of being outed. I only put what I think is relevant to the question I'm asking.

Good luck OP

Can I just add that firstly, if I go to the house I will almost certainly not be let in and then things will escalate. As said above by @canigooutyet I would play straight into his hands. He has said he will contact me today to see my son.
Secondly I have not introduced any man to my children. I don’t socialise with even my friends until my children are in bed.