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Original poster

Ex is refusing to bring 19 month old son home!

617 replies

Notlong2go · 24/03/2021 22:29

I posted a thread yesterday about how my ex is demanding to have our 4 and a half month old every weekend which I won’t agree to.
Today he picked up our 19 month old like usual and then later called me to tell me I won’t be getting him back until I take him to court or let him see our youngest.

So I have never refused to let him see any of the children but, I just don’t want him having our youngest overnight at this young age, especially when he has never spent any time alone with him.
He told me last night he was going to pick both children up and I told him it wouldn’t be possible to have my baby today and we would have to arrange something but, because of this he has said I am stopping him seeing his son so now refuses to bring our older son home!

This has made me even more certain I don’t trust him to take my baby away from my home alone!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Notlong2go · 25/03/2021 15:45

@Souther thank you. I’m just so stressed out and desperate for him to be home

OP posts:
worried3012 · 25/03/2021 15:49

Try not to stress, you will get him back. You've done this right thing in getting the ball rolling. Ex is now claiming welfare concerns because he's covering his back (mine did exactly the same thing).
I understand the impact it's having on you but just try to keep positive for your own sake and that you'll have him back ASAP. Prepare your position statement and be ready for court and fingers crossed it will all work out.

blackcat86 · 25/03/2021 15:58

I wouldn't be giving him anything. Tell him that whilst your son is there he has a responsibility to provide all that he needs. Continue to give him the option of returning him home.

WisnaeMe · 25/03/2021 16:02

He needs to buy clothes for his Son if he doesn't have any.

MyGorramShip · 25/03/2021 16:04

OP, this happened to a friend of mine with a child of a similar age, she applied for court on Friday, had the hearing on Monday and her ex was served papers to return the child immediately or be in contempt of court and a list of punishments if the child was not returned. He returned the child the next day.

There was another hearing 3 days later as is standard with urgent, ex parte hearings, where the Judge gave her ex an absolute dressing down, ordered no contact whilst fact finding was done, and because he then had to jump through so many hoops, he decided not to bother any more.

billybagpuss · 25/03/2021 16:22

Do you have an idea of timescale for the court order? have everything crossed for you.

And as a pp said, if he needs clothes he goes and buys clothes, especially as he hasn't paid any maintenance.

picklemewalnuts · 25/03/2021 16:26

Do not give that man anything. He has his son, he must provide for him.

I know that must feel terrible, but don't give him anything he can use to suggest you agree with DC being there.

CombatBarbie · 25/03/2021 16:28

I'd have told him to go buy his son some clothes. What a complete knob!! Fingers crossed you get a hearing pronto. Is ex aware that you are applying for an emergency hearing? Did the police do a welfare check?

Original poster
Notlong2go · 25/03/2021 16:42

I haven’t given him any clothes and he’s not aware of the court hearing application as he will most likely try to sabotage it in any way he can. I hope something happens with a hearing tomorrow

OP posts:
worried3012 · 25/03/2021 16:42

@picklemewalnuts

Do not give that man anything. He has his son, he must provide for him.

I know that must feel terrible, but don't give him anything he can use to suggest you agree with DC being there.

Yes and also if he can't provide basics for his son then that doesn't go in his favour either.
WisnaeMe · 25/03/2021 16:58

@Notlong2go

I haven’t given him any clothes and he’s not aware of the court hearing application as he will most likely try to sabotage it in any way he can. I hope something happens with a hearing tomorrow

OP stay strong, Im glad your ex knows nothing of the hearing, I hope you get the order for him to be returned tomorrow. 🌺

AdaColeman · 25/03/2021 16:58

You were right in not handing any clothes over to the father, that might be seen as you agreeing to the child remaining there.
If the child needs anything, the father can buy it, that's known as providing for your own child!

I hope you get some positive action from the authorities very soon.

Thanks Thanks

CantBeAssed · 25/03/2021 17:02

Wishing you best of luck, hope your ds is returned to you asapFlowers

porridgecake · 25/03/2021 17:09

I don't know if you have contacted your health visitor, OP, but they can be very helpful around supporting you over the issues such as breast feeding, dirty dummies etc. They can write reports for the court and liaise with social services.

Original poster
Notlong2go · 25/03/2021 17:15

@porridgecake I won’t be handing over our youngest son until there is a court order in place now as I really have no trust in him anymore. It’s bad enough that he has taken our 19 month old son away from me but, if he had taken our youngest too, who is totally reliant on me for his comfort and food I don’t know what I would do.
It’s horrible knowing he is keeping my child from me, it’s not like him just staying out for a night because I know he’s not just going to drop him back off. I feel so desperate and don’t know what to do!

OP posts:
Bumblebee1980a · 25/03/2021 17:24

Gosh you must be beside yourself. Sorry you're going through this. Personally my adrenaline would be pumping and I just wouldn't see straight!

You said you called the police. What did they say??? Demand (politely) they bring him home!

Once you get him back do not let him have him again until you have a court order in place.

Potentialscroogeincognito · 25/03/2021 17:27

Oh my goodness I would be kicking his door down.
And the police won’t do anything!?! You were a victim of domestic violence and they won’t even do a welfare check to try and persuade him to bring him home? I would be loosing my mind.

warriorsmain · 25/03/2021 17:29

I'm finding the police being unable to do anything quite bizarre. Is it not still classed as kidnap if a parent doesn't return the child to the primary carer as agreed? Unless they have reason to believe a child is in danger? This was definitely the case 9 years ago (I know a lot can change in that timescale).

worried3012 · 25/03/2021 17:44

@warriorsmain

I'm finding the police being unable to do anything quite bizarre. Is it not still classed as kidnap if a parent doesn't return the child to the primary carer as agreed? Unless they have reason to believe a child is in danger? This was definitely the case 9 years ago (I know a lot can change in that timescale).
Nope not in my case anyway. Police see it as a civil matter if both names are on the BC and see parents as having equal responsibility. They will do a welfare check if pushed but can't really enforce the child's return. They just suggest for you to go back to court..
AcrossthePond55 · 25/03/2021 17:47

For him to advance to saying that DS is 'not safe' with you, do you think it's possible that he's either taken legal advice or that someone is encouraging him to do so? Suddenly saying 'not safe' seems like someone who is trying to build a case.

CirqueDeMorgue · 25/03/2021 17:50

@warriorsmain

I'm finding the police being unable to do anything quite bizarre. Is it not still classed as kidnap if a parent doesn't return the child to the primary carer as agreed? Unless they have reason to believe a child is in danger? This was definitely the case 9 years ago (I know a lot can change in that timescale).
It was not the case 9 years ago. My ex pulled this exact stunt when DD was a toddler and the police could do nothing, no crime has been committed.
worried3012 · 25/03/2021 17:50

@AcrossthePond55

For him to advance to saying that DS is 'not safe' with you, do you think it's possible that he's either taken legal advice or that someone is encouraging him to do so? Suddenly saying 'not safe' seems like someone who is trying to build a case.
He's covering his back IMO because he needs to present as many valid reasons as to why he has done what he has done.
BingBongToTheMoon · 25/03/2021 17:54

Do you know if he’s working tonight?
If so, wait until his shift starts and phone the police again, explain (firmly) that your son has been left in the care of people without PR and that you have not consented to this. Ask them to accompany you to get your son back.

warriorsmain · 25/03/2021 17:56

@CirqueDeMorgue I guess that is the was it was. The parent I knew had very good reason to believe the children were not safe at primary carers house and got advice from the police to ensure they were not committing a crime as such. The police informed them that if they had reason to believe the children were in danger then they had every right to not return them.

Natsku · 25/03/2021 17:56

@AcrossthePond55

For him to advance to saying that DS is 'not safe' with you, do you think it's possible that he's either taken legal advice or that someone is encouraging him to do so? Suddenly saying 'not safe' seems like someone who is trying to build a case.
I reckon so, its the same as my ex did, escalating to actual accusations to social services. OP needs to be prepared for that possibility and only communicate with her ex via text or email so its all in writing.