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Original poster

Ex is refusing to bring 19 month old son home!

617 replies

Notlong2go · 24/03/2021 22:29

I posted a thread yesterday about how my ex is demanding to have our 4 and a half month old every weekend which I won’t agree to.
Today he picked up our 19 month old like usual and then later called me to tell me I won’t be getting him back until I take him to court or let him see our youngest.

So I have never refused to let him see any of the children but, I just don’t want him having our youngest overnight at this young age, especially when he has never spent any time alone with him.
He told me last night he was going to pick both children up and I told him it wouldn’t be possible to have my baby today and we would have to arrange something but, because of this he has said I am stopping him seeing his son so now refuses to bring our older son home!

This has made me even more certain I don’t trust him to take my baby away from my home alone!!

OP posts:
RevolvingPivot · 25/03/2021 13:30

How often does he get to see the baby? When did he last see him?

Original poster
Notlong2go · 25/03/2021 13:32

@LavenderLollies I have barely slept a wink, I’m sat here shaking and feeling sick to my stomach. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t know where to put myself but, I apologise for not explaining my mental state to the More simple minded people like yourself.
Everything I do he will use to his advantage so I am doing everything by the book and I will have my son back without damaging him anymore than he has been.
I am on MN as it is my only distraction at the minute to stop my anxiety escalating even further. So I may seem composed but I am far from it.

OP posts:
HeartsAndClubs · 25/03/2021 13:32

How often does he get to see the baby? When did he last see him? OP said he doesn’t. He refuses to spend any time with him because he says babies are boring and he’ll do it when the baby’s older.

OP said he’s done this now because she’s seeing someone.

HeartsAndClubs · 25/03/2021 13:34

OP, ignore the hard of thinking.

It seems that posters can’t understand that if you’re writing something down it’s actually quite easy to do so coherently. Apparently unless you’re writing in complete gibberish you’re far too composed which should be seen as a bad sign. Hmm

BingBongToTheMoon · 25/03/2021 13:34

Have you tried social services? They’re another option.
I would also ask to have this thread moved.

Original poster
Notlong2go · 25/03/2021 13:36

The last time he saw our baby was last week when I brought him to the door as he collected our older son. Said hello and walked away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notlong2go · 25/03/2021 13:38

How do I go about getting the thread moved?
And I have spoken to social services as they are providing a letter for proof of DV but that is as much as they can do.

OP posts:
HeartsAndClubs · 25/03/2021 13:38

I’ve reported this thread and suggested HQ might want to come on and have a word.

TBH while I agree it probably needs moving, those who are being abusive will still have it in “threads I’m on” so it won’t make much difference. They’re not suddenly going to become less awful people just because a thread isn’t in AIBU.

PegasusReturns · 25/03/2021 13:40

@HeartsAndClubs

I have never ever said this before, but my guess is that those posters claiming the DP is in the wrong etc are probably members of fathers for justice or the like

I wish I could agree. Unfortunately I think it’s sad, wannabe mean girls who get a kick out of putting the boot in whilst attempting to play to a crowd. It’s pathetic.

OP I wish you the best - it’s an extremely difficult situation and one that is unlikely to be resolved without time and money.

Whilst continuing down the formal route I would second the suggestion about a bit of - very subtle- reverse psychology: you’ve realised him having older DC gives you a lot more freedom and you’d like to formalise arrangements for him to have both every other weekend to give you both the chance to build news lives.....

Original poster
Notlong2go · 25/03/2021 13:42

@HeartsAndClubs thank you, I appreciate it.
I am just so frustrated on how difficult it is to get help in situations like these.
Just because he on the birth certificate doesn’t mean it is fair him taking away our child from his brothers and mother.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 25/03/2021 13:46

Hope you have him home with you soon Flowers

WillowKnicks · 25/03/2021 13:49

I've no advice, unfortunately OP but I am astounded at people putting the boot in to a mother, who is obviously out of her mind with worry & just wants her baby back.

Shame on you!

Imnotbent · 25/03/2021 13:49

@Notlong2go

How do I go about getting the thread moved? And I have spoken to social services as they are providing a letter for proof of DV but that is as much as they can do.
Social services referred my friend to her health visitor and she started an early help plan to support her and school is involved, one of hers is primary age, and cafcass. Could they do this?
Harryo · 25/03/2021 14:01

@HeartsAndClubs

I’ve reported this thread and suggested HQ might want to come on and have a word.

TBH while I agree it probably needs moving, those who are being abusive will still have it in “threads I’m on” so it won’t make much difference. They’re not suddenly going to become less awful people just because a thread isn’t in AIBU.

I reported it this morning. They don’t seem to have done much.

I can’t believe the victim blaming in here.

BadNomad · 25/03/2021 14:11

There is another thread on here about a mother wanting to withhold her kids from their father because he wont pay child support. She was eaten alive by posters.

Now here we have a mother whose child is being withheld from her by a father who won't pay child support. And she's being eaten alive by posters.

Mothers just can't win on MN. It's always your fault somehow.

RedcurrantPuff · 25/03/2021 14:13

@BadNomad

There is another thread on here about a mother wanting to withhold her kids from their father because he wont pay child support. She was eaten alive by posters.

Now here we have a mother whose child is being withheld from her by a father who won't pay child support. And she's being eaten alive by posters.

Mothers just can't win on MN. It's always your fault somehow.

That thread was horrible, lots of snarky comments about “pay per view” etc. She was only asking a question and quite a reasonable one at that!
Ganasha · 25/03/2021 14:22

Call the police and get it logged. Call round your local solicitors and see what they can do for you

Ganasha · 25/03/2021 14:23

Have you called women’s aid?

Hollywhiskey · 25/03/2021 14:33

What a nightmare. I hope the court will see that he is unable to put his children first. Surely he will only get supervised access after this. I am thinking of you x

BadNomad · 25/03/2021 14:42

@RedcurrantPuff

Yup. Even after pages and pages of follow-up posts from the OP people are still arriving with their clever pay-per-view comments because they don't really care. Some people are just here to stick a boot in whenever they can.

RevolvingPivot · 25/03/2021 14:43

@HeartsAndClubs yes thanks. When I posted that there weren't many replies for some reason. I didn't see that.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/03/2021 15:23

@Notlong2go, I read your OP yesterday, and was hoping to come back today and read that your ex has returned your son - and I am so sorry that hasn’t happened. I’m sending you a big hug - you must be so worried.

Original poster
Notlong2go · 25/03/2021 15:37

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius unfortunately no and I’m so stressed honestly he is just doing this to be spiteful. He is now saying it’s because he doesn’t believe he is safe with me which is such a load of bollocks as my kids are the most important people in my life.
I called him today and asked to speak to my little boy but he’s asleep so he has said he will let him face time me later. He also has asked me for his clothes.

I’ve asked him to bring him home but he is insisting he’s doing the right thing and that the courts will agree. I’m emotionally and physically drained. Even though we haven’t been together for a long time he’s still managing to control and manipulate my life, using the children as weapons

OP posts:
Souther · 25/03/2021 15:44

I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I hope your son is back home with you soon.