Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Shayelle2009

Thats lovely *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* hope you gave a great little meet up soon 😊

@cravingthelook sorry to see you're feeling so down about things. It's horrible isn't it when someone fades away. You sound like you're in a similar situation to me, and I totally get you when you say you don't believe things will work out. It really knocks your confidence when you know you've got everything sorted in your life, yet people still don't want to date you. But meeting someone special is hard normally, and almost impossible during lockdown.

You'll know from my posts a week or so ago that I was feeling so down about it all, but the support here really helped. I've stepped back from the apps a fair bit and have just been doing my own thing more which has really helped my mood and mental wellbeing. It also helps that we're another week closer to things going back to normal, and the weather is improving.

What I found helped was going out for some long walks, and just getting away from my flat, and the apps, for hours at a time.

I've also noticed quite a few new profiles on the apps, and people actually saying in their profile that now lockdown is almost over they're ready to meet people. Until now, things just haven't been normal, and it's made it 1000x more difficult to meet someone. We're almost there though, and once pubs open and people are happy to mingle again then things will seem so much easier. Plus we've got blue skies and sunshine on the way, and the bleak winter of cold, grey lockdown is almost over.

So another little update - even though I've really cut down on my swiping, I've been continuing to chat to a few irons and have 2 dates lined up this weekend.

On Saturday I'm going for a walk with Miss Planner, who lives quite locally. We've not spoken a huge amount since agreeing to meet a couple of weeks ago (she only has limited kid-free time), but she sent me her number a couple of days ago and we've been chatting a bit more on WhatsApp since then. She reminds me in some ways of Miss H, which I'm not sure is a good or bad thing!

On Sunday I'm meeting Miss Pablo who has been a lot more chatty, and we've been sending long messages back and forwards on the app. Lots of banter, a fair bit in common and she seems good fun. The only downside is she's about 1 hour drive away - but that's not a massive issue for me.

So I've cut my hair, trimmed my nails, and cleaned my trainers - I'm all set for my double-dating weekend!

Checking in : I had a date lined up for 7th November obviously Boris had other ideas. We chatted amicably for months, he getting frustrated as we couldn't meet up, he desperately wanted to meet up. Only messaging at this point with a view to video calling/dating. Last week I went to message him realising that he had blocked me on Whatsapp. WTF why if you have met someone else you would rather speak to then tell me ! Really knocked me as I felt we had a connection but all that time wasted

@SnowyWinterDays sorry he backed off but at least you know now rather than getting more and more invested. If he's scared off by a hot woman giving him her number, he's not for you.

@cravingthelook sorry you are having a tough time. I think often we undervalue all the things we are actually great at whilst focusing on things which might not be going perfectly. From the outside, i see a very capable, strong woman in you and Mr HT just isnt delivering. I think you shouldn't let it make you feel shit about yourself, its all him really. You're still a great person and you should remember that. As we all know, a relationship should enhance our lives, not make us doubt ourselves.

Im still off the apps but happily pottering along.

Thanks, a bit gutted really as I thought we were getting on well but as you say onwards and upwards...

Sorry snowy but you should be proud of yourself putting yourself out there, it does take courage. As eesha says it's better to know now he's not reciprocating than to carry it on and be let down further down the line x

@Mayzee thats so lovely of you - thank you such a lot for your unexpected and kindhearted words.

Hope everyone here goes into their weekend knowing we’re all good people on here, who care and maybe just haven't had fate come along yet and give us the magic sparkle we are all waiting for... and im very sure we all deserve 💗

Thanks all, I'm ok. I do work so hard in addressing my issues. I think the exH pushed my buttons today. I just need to move forward and if Mr HT steps up great if he doesn't his loss.

@TheCatWithTheHat I've been off the apps for about a month now. I'm not going near them until the summer. It's easier not constantly swiping and checking.

I did a bit of work online training, sang my wee heart out for a while, I really miss singing. I've been to pick up a fab coffee machine from FB marketplace and the ingredients for DD2 and I to have a baking homemade biscuit fest tomorrow.

(I tried custard creams last week, worked great so we are planning custard creams, bourbon creams and I have an idea to try St Clements creams too - we'll make wee mixed packages for friends and neighbours).

@cravingthelook you are really great - and its his loss he cant see that.

@TheCatWithTheHat really glad youre feeling a lot better 😊

@Eesha im like you just pottering. I am quite sure we’re not missing much from those apps!!

Ooh.

Months time.

Walk around shops. Buy clothes Or don’t buy them. Look at random city shit.

Stop with a book and a cup of tea in a proper cafe.

Book a little weekend away or day out seeing art.

Maybe the cinema

I had a dream I had two WhatsApp messages saying how lovely it was to meet me from MrPM and someone else.

Not sure if that’s a good omen or if it’s going to be like Macbeth

@moomoo1967 - that’s so annoying , and rude to just block after you’ve been chatting fine! I just do wish everyone was open and honest, and polite.
I’m still limping along with my iron. After being advised to not msg anymore, and wait for him as it is always me initiating , I cracked and sent a brief ‘hi how are you ? ‘ message last night saying I’d survived my Covid jab . I had decided if no response then that’s it, ready to move on . But he came back with a couple of brief messages one of which saying he’s been really snowed under work wise this week - so either an apology or excuse.
So I’m back to square one thinking do I or do I not send anymore. I’m sure I’ll do the same in a few days and it will go on...........
I suppose at least if he blocked me I’d know that was it, and he definitely wasn’t interested !

Glad you have a nice weekend planned craving and good luck for your dates @TheCatWithTheHat. I think people are tentatively getting out there and making some connections to continue when places open up a little.
I have a date in the spirit of the thread title I decided a date might help me work out what's going on in my head with my on/off iron (all good, were not exclusive). I do like the look & sound of him, but I won't name just yet so I don't curse it!

@GaraMedouar it would annoy me if my iron only responded rather than never initiate conversations. I mean how busy could he be?

I know @Eesha - yep it does me too, but I’m trying now to chill a little - he did send first msg on Monday this week, but nothing since. It’s just 90% me first I suppose.
Also I’m really new to Tinder - so out of dating practise so not sure what’s normal or not in terms of texting frequency. Maybe this will be a learning curve for me.
Also absolutely no other possibilities at the mo on tinder or bumble (I’ve completely exhausted bumble !) I did match on two on bumble - one de-matched me and one just didn’t reply to my second message. Then on tinder I seem to sometimes match then see they’ve deleted me after my first message.
I’m trying to detach a bit though , which I think I’m doing and will see if any more possible swipes once lockdown has lifted.

Good luck with your dates cat - hopefully all this wading through parks talking to strangers will be over soon.

I also wonder how people who aren't as nice or as fun as me manage to have these wonderful ltr - and then I remember that nobody really knows what goes on between two people and many settle for someone rather than no one... On the surface I'm a pretty good catch - funny, intelligent, interested in the world around me, financially independent, attractive enough for my age... - but I've never had the loving, committed relationship I'd really like. And it feels like time is running out. I'm mid-50s. Don't look it, and teenage children keep you young, but must I really grow old alone? 😪

I'd rather do that than be with someone who doesn't love me though. And good friends are for life, so I can grow old with them.

And I'm learning to make chocolates! There would have been no time for that if I'd had lots of dates!

Surely you don't know if someone has blocked you on WhatsApp until you try to text them? And you only get one grey tick. Forever......

@vangoghsdog their profile picture disappears too and you can no longer see their last active x

I'm relatively new to dating sites, had a brief spell on bumble but after a little nudge from my friend I downloaded tinder tonight. God it's crazy! Loooooads of matches but not many messages - and the messages I've recieved are mainly DRY conversations. Already recieved a topless 'holding his package' pic. Not sure I'm cut out for this! Also been asked to meet tomorrow already - surely that's a bit soon!?

courage I don't think tomorrow is too soon. It's good he asked - so many of them chat with not wanting to meet.

Good practice anyway even if nothing comes from it!

practise

@bangheadhere40 I'm used to the ones who talk to me for three weeks and never wanna actually meet! Still haven't heard from unnamed iron after he fell asleep on me!! I can't actually meet him tomorrow...might suggest Sunday!

Yes, suggest another time if you can't do tomorrow. It's better to meet I think...and nice he's asked.

You snooze you lose 😴 ( literally with your sleep iron).