Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Heartbeats0708

Apologies for the double post, been having phone trouble. *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I totally agree with @ThisTooShallBeFantastic* that he's boundary testing. Who is he to say you push men away after knowing you for five minutes anyway?! I'd be wary of how much you're sharing too- it's great that you feel comfortable enough to talk freely with him but be mindful of the discussion we had about disclosing vulnerability early on too. *@BelladiMamma* I don't mind swearing and I know it's used sometimes on this thread?!

I completely understand that, @Heartbeats. I think that sometimes I just need someone to talk to and to understand me a bit.

That's probably why I'm on this thread a lot

I'm aware that I can over share on occasions, (this has been also said by friends and family) and I'm going to try and work on that. X

[quote Onesmallstep67]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, does anything that Mr casual is offering resemble what you were hoping to find through OLD? If you are happy with casual, feel happy to go along with the chat and see what develops then that's fine, and your choice. But if you want more than that then my advice would be not to pursue anything. From the outside listening to what you are telling us he sounds like someone who will either have the sex and never be heard from again or hang around for regular sex but with nothing else on offer. You've had one or two rather mixed up chats with irons recently. Make sure you're going into anything on your terms.[/quote]
Thank you @Onesmallstep67. You've given me some food for thought.

No, nothing he was offering was what I wanted, really. I think he just wanted to talk and have sex. He did say that he was rather sexually frustrated and wanted some social and physical communication, So perhaps he was a bit more heated that he would normally be, I don't know.

I'm aware that I need to be more assertive at times and not just care about what my irons want

what's the policy on swearing in on this thread? I'm really sweaty. Is that ok?

Swearing is fine. Sweating......you can get stuff for that!

Bumble seems to be having an odd moment, it's now sent me someone from Windsor who I'm sure I didn't click on. He says 50+ miles "isn't a problem" though. We'll soon find out I guess.

@VanGoghsDog

what's the policy on swearing in on this thread? I'm really sweaty. Is that ok?

Swearing is fine. Sweating......you can get stuff for that!

Bumble seems to be having an odd moment, it's now sent me someone from Windsor who I'm sure I didn't click on. He says 50+ miles "isn't a problem" though. We'll soon find out I guess.

It does that all the time. It sent me someone from Devon today

Iol typo 🤣🤣🤣

Yes I'm a really fucking sweaty pita

Luckily not 😄

@VanGoghsDog

what's the policy on swearing in on this thread? I'm really sweaty. Is that ok?

Swearing is fine. Sweating......you can get stuff for that!

Bumble seems to be having an odd moment, it's now sent me someone from Windsor who I'm sure I didn't click on. He says 50+ miles "isn't a problem" though. We'll soon find out I guess.

I hear the West Country is a little thin on the ground for eligible singles and also quite gossipy .... so maybe he's delighted you're off patch

I have set my prefs for 50 miles as that way it catches where I work (usually) not just where I live

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I have decided to keep the oversharing to really really close friends now. Even my exh told me I over shared and then years down the line used it against me

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]**@kerkyra* @ThisTooShallBeFantastic* @BelladiMamma well I did it. I've ended things with him.

He's parting shot was 'I bet you'll change your mind when you know me. Bet it's rare for you.'

Or words to that effect.

Thank you all so much ❤️[/quote]
What does that even mean? So effing entitled the twazzock. Sorry, but - really?! Can someone send these guys somewhere to learn some manners. I may be a swearingly sweaty bitch at times here or with vvvv close friends but I'm nothing but refined and polite IRL

Date with Mr Polo on Friday. I still think he's bad news but hoping this helps me decide on way or the other!

MrMilitary actually in town argh 😤 I read his message wrong

He suggested coming over tonight and I’ve delayed him a bit

Not really sure how this is going to play out but that’s the beauty of it I guess

[quote BelladiMamma]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I have decided to keep the oversharing to really really close friends now. Even my exh told me I over shared and then years down the line used it against me [/quote]
@BelladiMamma sorry to hear that that happened I probably should think about doing that as well ❤️

@BelladiMamma I know right. mr casual is the only person who knows what it means, because I don't 😂

@SpringlikeBunk

MrMilitary actually in town argh 😤 I read his message wrong

He suggested coming over tonight and I’ve delayed him a bit

Not really sure how this is going to play out but that’s the beauty of it I guess

Good luck @Spring. Just take it as it comes and you'll be fine. Hope you have a great time ❤️

Thanks @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I do adore him but he can be a bit (very) ASD and it’s like pulling teeth sometimes with him.

Not even sure we’re going to meet but will see how things pan out - I try to engage with zero expectations.

@dancemom and @Misty9 Welcome back, sorry to read that things haven't worked out but its great that it was recognised and you didn't limp on for months hoping things would get better.

I like to think that the older I get the more I'm able to say what I do and dont want and not put up with people that add nothing to my life - its very liberating.

@SpringlikeBunk

Thanks *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*

I do adore him but he can be a bit (very) ASD and it’s like pulling teeth sometimes with him.

Not even sure we’re going to meet but will see how things pan out - I try to engage with zero expectations.

I can imagine 😒

Just see how things go. It'll be all right whatever happens

I hear the West Country is a little thin on the ground for eligible singles and also quite gossipy .... so maybe he's delighted you're off patch

I have set my prefs for 50 miles as that way it catches where I work (usually) not just where I live

Hmm.....Windsor surely isn't the west country?

I'd only need to set it fifteen feet to cover where I work. And that would be vertical not horizontal! (Wfh, so only go downstairs to work).

Thank you yet again for your support earlier, everyone ❤️

Why do I keep attracting these unsuitable men?

I think we should have a party when I finally find someone 😂

Thank you all for your commiserations, my teenage daughter has been a great support

@SortingItOut yes, friends keep saying they're in awe of my decisiveness - but I feel like I hummed and aahed for ages!

Thanks for the commiserations as well. I'm feeling a bit lost and missing the connection with someone, but that'll get easier I'm sure. I'm lucky to have good friends.

@VanGoghsDog

I hear the West Country is a little thin on the ground for eligible singles and also quite gossipy .... so maybe he's delighted you're off patch

I have set my prefs for 50 miles as that way it catches where I work (usually) not just where I live

Hmm.....Windsor surely isn't the west country?

I'd only need to set it fifteen feet to cover where I work. And that would be vertical not horizontal! (Wfh, so only go downstairs to work).

🤣🤣🤣 I hear you

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Thank you yet again for your support earlier, everyone ❤️

Why do I keep attracting these unsuitable men?

I think we should have a party when I finally find someone 😂

Don't worry I do too. I think they're the pushiest ones so somehow engineer things so they're front of the queue when actually they deserve to be low down it!!

@BelladiMamma

I agree with that strongly - I find the guys with the least to offer, the guys who feel entitled to someone significantly physically attractive (who also does a lot for them), and the sex hounds tend to be most active and visible?

Whereas if a guy has a lot to offer (I don’t mean like being a 6’4 hunk with a yacht)

but just decent types with realistic views of what they can bring to a dating situation who like contributing.

And with quite full lives so not looking for “hotter women ” as an adrenaline rush.

These guys don’t really need to be active and pushy all the time as the women they meet soon will “establish a social claim”, and they won’t need to be on the apps, or as active ?

So it’s the weirdos and pushers who are left being most visible.

That is very true @SpringlikeBunk and very well put.

Did you meet with Mr Military last night? I hope it went well if you did

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

I agree with that strongly - I find the guys with the least to offer, the guys who feel entitled to someone significantly physically attractive (who also does a lot for them), and the sex hounds tend to be most active and visible?

Whereas if a guy has a lot to offer (I don’t mean like being a 6’4 hunk with a yacht)

but just decent types with realistic views of what they can bring to a dating situation who like contributing.

And with quite full lives so not looking for “hotter women ” as an adrenaline rush.

These guys don’t really need to be active and pushy all the time as the women they meet soon will “establish a social claim”, and they won’t need to be on the apps, or as active ?

So it’s the weirdos and pushers who are left being most visible.[/quote]
Yes and if you're new on a site they get in there quick.

Even in the last couple of weeks just from being on this thread I've massively improved my boundaries and I'm listening to my gut all the time. So important. Tune in to yourself, don't think confusion is butterflies or positive excitement- it's just confusion and you don't need that in your life