Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Updating my list 🤣🤣🤣 ... I just blew someone out because I’d been waiting 3 weeks for them to organise the date they kept promising and got an angry man response!

I asked him once or twice if he wanted to get together as he'd mentioned it a few times and then he kept me hanging on. So I said ok I don’t think you’re ready. Blocked him because frankly delete block move on then he messaged me elsewhere telling me how angry he was with me and that I was childish. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Er, not really. I've been waiting on your breadcrumbs for 3/4 weeks now for the date that never materialised and suddenly you're really good at communicating quickly. Just not in a nice way.

... Bullet dodged

@Misty9

I don't know if anyone will remember my posts about Mr Biology... But we broke up last night after nearly a year. My choice, it just didn't feel right. I think I'm accepting of being on my own for a good while now, the majority of the posts on here certainly don't recommend online dating to me again! I feel a bit numb but it was the right decision. *@dancemom* and get back on the apps whenever you like I'd say! I won't be however...

Sorry to hear that @Misty9 .... despite all my posts I do think it's a good way to meet people at the moment. You just need to be really really picky

Hi @Misty9 I remember you. I'm really sorry, what happened?

Ahh that sucks @Misty9 a year in and out hurts. Was it your decision ultimately?

I remember you too @Misty9 sorry to hear things have ended. Hope you're okay, here if you need to let off steam

Idiot man matched on Bumble, I said hey, how are you. He says "fine, when are you in London" (I'm not in London, my profile doesn't say I'm in London and I reckon he's changed his because I would not have swiped right on a London profile).
So I say well, never because of Covid though I do usually work there.
Instantly unmatched me.

Weirdo.

Nice to hear about people having some lovely dates. Sorry for those who have broken up.

It's never too soon to get back out there but maybe leave it until after the Easter holidays?

Hello

I was briefly on here a while ago but took a break. Now back on the bumble and POF.
Had a couple of dates but not 'felt it' when I've met them. Have a potential one on Tuesday with someone who seems good so far 🤞

@VanGoghsDog

Idiot man matched on Bumble, I said hey, how are you. He says "fine, when are you in London" (I'm not in London, my profile doesn't say I'm in London and I reckon he's changed his because I would not have swiped right on a London profile). So I say well, never because of Covid though I do usually work there. Instantly unmatched me. Weirdo.

Nice to hear about people having some lovely dates. Sorry for those who have broken up.

It's never too soon to get back out there but maybe leave it until after the Easter holidays?

Had a couple of those too. I mean how lazy.

On the positive side, I'm meeting a London (new) iron halfway between me and London so we've each got 30 minutes driving to somewhere nice. Then when things are normal again I'm in London overnight once a week. So play the long game or don't play at all!

Ps what's the policy on swearing in on this thread? I'm really sweaty. Is that ok?

Thanks for the good wishes. It was a variety of things which lead to me losing the feelings I had, and no doubt lockdown hasn't helped. We went from meeting to spending weekends together too quickly really, and I also felt that it wasn't exciting me or making me feel particularly special. He was lovely, but wasn't adding much to my life. I wasn't totally sure from the start but everyone kept telling me to give it a chance. I did, and it ran its course. Feeling a bit lost but that's okay.

@Misty9

Thanks for the good wishes. It was a variety of things which lead to me losing the feelings I had, and no doubt lockdown hasn't helped. We went from meeting to spending weekends together too quickly really, and I also felt that it wasn't exciting me or making me feel particularly special. He was lovely, but wasn't adding much to my life. I wasn't totally sure from the start but everyone kept telling me to give it a chance. I did, and it ran its course. Feeling a bit lost but that's okay.

Thanks @Misty9 sorry to hear you're in the exact same position, it's so painful

Hi all,

Well I'm still bumbling about on Bumble. Recently, I have chatted to a couple of guys. Mr Casual and Mr. Funny.

I find I chat really easily and freely with Mr Casual. I joke that he is like my therapist. We stayed up till the early hours of the morning talking last night.
The problem is that he wants an FWB relationship but I don't think I can handle that at all. He is now chopping and changing a bit saying he's he's happy to meet and see if things happen. He's one of those guys who talks about sex quite a bit, and is quite sexually demanding.

He thinks I push men away and I'm quite shy and I'm shy and guarded, which I am because I've been hurt.

I liked Mr Funny at first, because he's got a good sense of humour, but I had a conversation with him where he basically told me that 'Not all men are the same.' (I know that) and that I should trust him because he won't hurt me.

I told him until we actually knew each other I didn't know he won't hurt me. During the conversation, he told me 'oh, I've been in a lot of relationships.' Which put me off him. Who says that to someone that hasn't?

He then went on a bit of a rant about how I don't trust men, about how he'd messaged me first on WhatsApp and I haven't asked him anything, (probably because he was too busy probing into my last relationship)

Ended up deleting him. He just didn't get it.

Could do with some prospective on the Mr. casual thing, though 🙂

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Hi all,

Well I'm still bumbling about on Bumble. Recently, I have chatted to a couple of guys. Mr Casual and Mr. Funny.

I find I chat really easily and freely with Mr Casual. I joke that he is like my therapist. We stayed up till the early hours of the morning talking last night.
The problem is that he wants an FWB relationship but I don't think I can handle that at all. He is now chopping and changing a bit saying he's he's happy to meet and see if things happen. He's one of those guys who talks about sex quite a bit, and is quite sexually demanding.

He thinks I push men away and I'm quite shy and I'm shy and guarded, which I am because I've been hurt.

I liked Mr Funny at first, because he's got a good sense of humour, but I had a conversation with him where he basically told me that 'Not all men are the same.' (I know that) and that I should trust him because he won't hurt me.

I told him until we actually knew each other I didn't know he won't hurt me. During the conversation, he told me 'oh, I've been in a lot of relationships.' Which put me off him. Who says that to someone that hasn't?

He then went on a bit of a rant about how I don't trust men, about how he'd messaged me first on WhatsApp and I haven't asked him anything, (probably because he was too busy probing into my last relationship)

Ended up deleting him. He just didn't get it.

Could do with some prospective on the Mr. casual thing, though 🙂

Have you met Mr Casual? Or has the sex thing come up as part of the chat before meeting?

@BelladiMamma no, we've not met yet. The sex thing came up before meeting.

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@BelladiMamma no, we've not met yet. The sex thing came up before meeting.[/quote]
Hmmm. Personally I've decided that's a red flag as it's hard to switch gears if that's become a thing

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@BelladiMamma no, we've not met yet. The sex thing came up before meeting.[/quote]
Oh and the 'you push men away' is a little bit like negging...

Unless you've also put on the app that you're up for something casual or you've decided that you're ready for it I'd move on. There are plenty of guys out there who aren't sex fixated and are looking for long term

@Misty9 and @dancemom really sorry to hear your news, the end of a relationship is always painful and disorientating even when it’s the right thing to do. I hope you have support.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I would be a bit wary of Mr Casual. Accusing you of ‘pushing men away’ is effectively saying you’re wrong for having boundaries that protect you from shaggers, in my book. And aren’t ‘guys who talk about sex quite a bit’ and who are ‘sexually demanding’ also known as ‘sex pests’?

I may be showing my age here!

@BelladiMamma thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate it.

I said I wanted a relationship on the app.

Like I said, I can chat easily with him but he is very sex fixated and does ask questions like 'what are you wearing.'? And ask me to send him pictures, quite a bit.

Also, When I'm not sure about something, he says things like ' are you pushing me away and saying no?'

Should I just tell him that things aren't working out and stop contact with him?

I still want to meet him, but am feeling conflicted now.

[quote ThisTooShallBeFantastic]**@Misty9* and @dancemom* really sorry to hear your news, the end of a relationship is always painful and disorientating even when it’s the right thing to do. I hope you have support.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I would be a bit wary of Mr Casual. Accusing you of ‘pushing men away’ is effectively saying you’re wrong for having boundaries that protect you from shaggers, in my book. And aren’t ‘guys who talk about sex quite a bit’ and who are ‘sexually demanding’ also known as ‘sex pests’?

I may be showing my age here![/quote]
Yes, I suppose. I should know better really, I've had an online relationship with a sex pest before.

It didn't end well.

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@BelladiMamma thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate it.

I said I wanted a relationship on the app.

Like I said, I can chat easily with him but he is very sex fixated and does ask questions like 'what are you wearing.'? And ask me to send him pictures, quite a bit.

Also, When I'm not sure about something, he says things like ' are you pushing me away and saying no?'

Should I just tell him that things aren't working out and stop contact with him?

I still want to meet him, but am feeling conflicted now.[/quote]
Yes. Move on. You won't regret it.

I've had a few of these, they never go well

onwards he sounds very domineering and behaves like a sex pest. Do you really want to meet him? I think you can do better but just be careful if you've decided to meet.
I'm sorry misty and dancemom and hope you both feel better soon. A year is such a long time.

I remember you too @Misty9 sorry to hear things have ended. Hope you're okay, here if you need to let off steam

@kerkyra @ThisTooShallBeFantastic @BelladiMamma well I did it. I've ended things with him.

He's parting shot was 'I bet you'll change your mind when you know me. Bet it's rare for you.'

Or words to that effect.

Thank you all so much ❤️

Apologies for the double post, been having phone trouble.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I totally agree with @ThisTooShallBeFantastic that he's boundary testing. Who is he to say you push men away after knowing you for five minutes anyway?! I'd be wary of how much you're sharing too- it's great that you feel comfortable enough to talk freely with him but be mindful of the discussion we had about disclosing vulnerability early on too.
@BelladiMamma I don't mind swearing and I know it's used sometimes on this thread?!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, does anything that Mr casual is offering resemble what you were hoping to find through OLD? If you are happy with casual, feel happy to go along with the chat and see what develops then that's fine, and your choice. But if you want more than that then my advice would be not to pursue anything. From the outside listening to what you are telling us he sounds like someone who will either have the sex and never be heard from again or hang around for regular sex but with nothing else on offer. You've had one or two rather mixed up chats with irons recently. Make sure you're going into anything on your terms.