Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Do you put your CP on your profile?

I’m just wondering if you’re looking for a full time serious relationship it might actually be better to be completely honest, scare off the fun guys and have less shallow contacts but more in depth ones?

Like I said I don’t want children but IF I did I’d actually state that on my profile as I’d rather quickly weed out anyone who wasn’t up for it?

Like:

“Hi, I’m X. I work in Y. I have CP which practically means Z on a day to day basis.

I enjoy baking/gaming/walking etc and I’m looking to get to know someone to settle down with for a serious relationship. I’m also retraining to qualify as a hr person to progress my career.

If you’d like a coffee and a walk, let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.”

I mainly used match in my mid-twenties though I didn’t want to settle down then

and I found there are some guys I’m that age range who are definitely very ready to partner up they have that “mindset”?

so it’s a case of trying to connect with them rather than wasting time with the F**kboy types.[/quote]
@SpringlikeBunk no, I don't mention it. I used to, but am afraid to now in case it puts men off.

Thank you for your tips as well. 🙂 I do tell people I'm a student, and most people are cool about it, though I did have one guy questioning why I was a student at 27. I have worked in the past, but because of my health condition, I can't stand or sit for long periods, so that rules most things out.

I'm generally an honest person, but I worry that if I'm completely honest, guys will think that I won't have anything to offer them, stupid, I know 😘

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I think we are very similar stages in life and what we want out of relationships.
Like you I prefer older men (not too much older within a 5-8 year age range) and want to settle down and have a family at some point[/quote]
That's exactly what I want @Dancer. I just have trouble finding someone who will accept me for who I am. 😘

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards so do I. I have a hidden disability so don't mention it until it's something more than just talking or a date, unfortunately you can't but hopefully it will weed out the less serious men for you.
I was talking with a friend yesterday about dating and she said I'm the poster girl for how not to date. I have had countless unsolicited pictures and even porn sent to me with the caption 'this is how I'd like to do you' when she was dating she never received any of that.
I'm still umming and arrrring as to when to get back on the apps. Next week we can meet in outside hospitality but then it could also be quite cold.
Not sure if I want to turn 28 on the apps or start again being 28

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards so do I. I have a hidden disability so don't mention it until it's something more than just talking or a date, unfortunately you can't but hopefully it will weed out the less serious men for you.
I was talking with a friend yesterday about dating and she said I'm the poster girl for how not to date. I have had countless unsolicited pictures and even porn sent to me with the caption 'this is how I'd like to do you' when she was dating she never received any of that.
I'm still umming and arrrring as to when to get back on the apps. Next week we can meet in outside hospitality but then it could also be quite cold.
Not sure if I want to turn 28 on the apps or start again being 28[/quote]
I've had a few of those too 😒

It's so frustrating because I try to be nice and funny and all those things men like, but I think I just put them off. I think some of them just like me based on what I look like, as well. 😘

For god's sake dint say you're retraining to be in HR. I'm in HR and you never hear the bloody end of it if you tell people!

@VanGoghsDog

For god's sake dint say you're retraining to be in HR. I'm in HR and you never hear the bloody end of it if you tell people!

This doesn't sound like you @VanGogh. Is everything okay?

Yes, I am. But I've got very limited options. I've been assessed by the DWP as having limited capability for employment.

Sorry am droning on about this. My red flags, continued. Tell the buggers if you've got kids & they're with you a lot of the time so your time is limited.
I've literally had people (male and female) un match even after organising a date as soon as I've mentioned it even though it says it on my profile.
I mean how stupid are people? Read the effing label.

@BelladiMamma

Sorry am droning on about this. My red flags, continued. Tell the buggers if you've got kids & they're with you a lot of the time so your time is limited. I've literally had people (male and female) un match even after organising a date as soon as I've mentioned it even though it says it on my profile. I mean how stupid are people? Read the effing label.

That's so unfair, @BelladiMamma. ❤️

This doesn't sound like you @VanGoghsDog**

Yes, fine.

I didn't mean "don't say you're training to be in HR" generally, do whatever job you want. I meant "don't say it on your profile" as was suggested above.

Honestly, to get no end of crap when you tell people you're in HR. "I hate HR, they made me redundant" - no they didn't. "HR stopped all our pay rises" - no they didn't. "HR made up a load of lies to sack my mate" - no they didn't.
But in dating you have to grit your teeth and listen to all this crap.

Mind you, I've been doing it well over twenty years so am slightly jaded!

@VanGoghsDog

This doesn't sound like you @VanGoghsDog**

Yes, fine.

I didn't mean "don't say you're training to be in HR" generally, do whatever job you want. I meant "don't say it on your profile" as was suggested above.

Honestly, to get no end of crap when you tell people you're in HR. "I hate HR, they made me redundant" - no they didn't. "HR stopped all our pay rises" - no they didn't. "HR made up a load of lies to sack my mate" - no they didn't.
But in dating you have to grit your teeth and listen to all this crap.

Mind you, I've been doing it well over twenty years so am slightly jaded!

I know what you mean. It's so stressful when you're training too, with all the assignments the CIPD expect you to do. 😞

Ok so date night update with Mr Gorgeous..turns out he definitely is gorgeous!! We got on SO well..sexual chemistry was there and we did break the rules and came inside...and had a few kisses! He's only just left. Even if he pies me after tonight, it's done wonders for my confidence! Xx

@havecourage8bekind

Ok so date night update with Mr Gorgeous..turns out he definitely is gorgeous!! We got on SO well..sexual chemistry was there and we did break the rules and came inside...and had a few kisses! He's only just left. Even if he pies me after tonight, it's done wonders for my confidence! Xx

@havecourage8bekind I was just going to message you! So happy to hear things went well. ❤️

@havecourage8bekind Sounds like you had a great time, how exciting😁

Wonderful courage how exciting! 🙂

Woohoo @havecourage8bekind I came on to see your update! That's excellent, fingers crossed for date 2!

Thanks bellad that's a useful list and I would agree with you. It seems impossible to find a man that won't stalk you or ghost you sometimes. I will keep looking for Mr Middle Ground 🙂

Im still here lol hey everyone.

Im still talking to Mr Facebook and we are getting on really well. Hes still not asked about meeting up lol but he messages me a lot

Im a bit confused as he seems interested but does nothing about it lol.

Placemarking again! Yay!! @havecourage8bekind

That’s great @havecourage8bekind it’s nice having a meet to remind you that dating can be very enjoyable indeed x

Thank you everyone! I can't believe Ive been on two good dates in a week. After a really long bad relationship it's amazing to claw back some of the old flirty fun me! I feel quite bad now that they both went well - I'm assuming it's not bad of me to get to know them both more still..Im not ready to pick yet ;) x

Wow @havecourage8bekind I'm so pleased for you, that's so exciting!!!
I love the start of something its sooo exciting and magical.

Hi all, not sure if anyone will remember me from previous threads. I've been in a relationship for the past year but we broke up last night so I thought I'd find these threads and seek some solace.

How soon is too soon to get back on the apps just for a distraction?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - I have a disability as well and I always have the awkward moment where I have to bring it up during chats before meeting, I have to say most are fine with it, but have found that some just aren't. I did find a few nice people to talk to on a disability dating website once, unfortunately none of them lived close enough to pursue anything further. Although as a word of caution, there are people on there with a disabled person fetish - they can be full on and obviously need to be weeded out!

MrPosh up to his old tricks again, mid conversation on Saturday he stops messaging and I've heard nothing since. I sent another message yesterday to ask how his Easter was and if he was free on Saturday for a meet up (we had talked about this before), he read the message but hasn't responded at all. I got so pissed off I re-downloaded Bumble and got swiping, have a few matches and one in particular really interests me - I'm very tempted to see where that goes. I do really like MrPosh, in the last month the conversation has been so effortless, but I just never know when he will disappear again and I'm left hanging. I have done my due diligence and he's not married or anything but I do think he is a workaholic.

[quote newnamenora]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - I have a disability as well and I always have the awkward moment where I have to bring it up during chats before meeting, I have to say most are fine with it, but have found that some just aren't. I did find a few nice people to talk to on a disability dating website once, unfortunately none of them lived close enough to pursue anything further. Although as a word of caution, there are people on there with a disabled person fetish - they can be full on and obviously need to be weeded out!

MrPosh up to his old tricks again, mid conversation on Saturday he stops messaging and I've heard nothing since. I sent another message yesterday to ask how his Easter was and if he was free on Saturday for a meet up (we had talked about this before), he read the message but hasn't responded at all. I got so pissed off I re-downloaded Bumble and got swiping, have a few matches and one in particular really interests me - I'm very tempted to see where that goes. I do really like MrPosh, in the last month the conversation has been so effortless, but I just never know when he will disappear again and I'm left hanging. I have done my due diligence and he's not married or anything but I do think he is a workaholic.[/quote]
Thanks for that, @newnamenora 👍🏻

I don't know if anyone will remember my posts about Mr Biology... But we broke up last night after nearly a year. My choice, it just didn't feel right. I think I'm accepting of being on my own for a good while now, the majority of the posts on here certainly don't recommend online dating to me again! I feel a bit numb but it was the right decision. @dancemom and get back on the apps whenever you like I'd say! I won't be however...