Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Oh my god! Mr. Fit is such a child.

I've just had a conversation with him where he said he unmatched me because 'I'm quite full on.' I find this laughable because he was the one taking about meeting up and joking about marriage!

correct me if I'm wrong, everyone, but if someone's too full on, you would surely stop talking to them sooner and not invite them to add you on Instagram? That doesn't make sense at all to me.

But, wait... it get worse. He then denied messaging me yesterday on Bumble, which I know that he did. He actually laughed at the idea. What an bottom hole.

He was like 'we weren't married, we flirted, it was fun...' it would have been fine if it was just a flirt, I like having a flirt with someone on OLD occasionally, but then it went into talking about meeting up and stuff.

And then to put the cherry on top, he accused me of being aggressive, and 'affecting his mental health.'

What a charmer he is (!)

You're absolutely spot on, @Onesmallstep67. As a three day in each working week bundle of adoration, leaving me free to pursue my other interests at weekends, Mr GN is perfect.

The deal is we will review in six months to see if/how we move forward from there. We are good for each other, we enhance each other's lives at this time. But the fact is that at this age we don't need to think in terms of each other as being 'forever' as we have our own children, assets, lives. What works now may not work in 6 months time. That's absolutely fine. I reckon I'll have plenty of time to explore my desire to be single in the future (God willing)!

Meeting MrGorgeous for the first time (9/10) this evening and I'm soooo nervous! He's coming here for a garden date so I'm gonna have to dig out the thick blankets lol. I know pre date nerves are normal but my god this is another level. He's been round to his mum's for a hair cut and beard trim this afternoon so I know he's trying to impress! X

@havecourage8bekind

Meeting MrGorgeous for the first time (9/10) this evening and I'm soooo nervous! He's coming here for a garden date so I'm gonna have to dig out the thick blankets lol. I know pre date nerves are normal but my god this is another level. He's been round to his mum's for a hair cut and beard trim this afternoon so I know he's trying to impress! X

@havecourage8bekind sounds lovely! Good luck and hope you have a great time ❤️

@onwardseverstridingonwards thank you! I've got a real nervous tummy. Silly really. Hope all's okay with you, I need to have a catch up of the thread tomorrow x

A garden date at your own house sounds unusual for a first date @havecourage8bekind - are you sure it's safe?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, get Mr Fit and his skewed ego/neuroses in the fuck-it bucket asap please. You don't need those kind of ridiculous mind games. Don't dwell, block, delete, move on.

[quote havecourage8bekind]@onwardseverstridingonwards thank you! I've got a real nervous tummy. Silly really. Hope all's okay with you, I need to have a catch up of the thread tomorrow x[/quote]
@havecourage8bekind no, it's not silly at all! It means you care and you want the date go well 🙂

I'm okay, thank you. Looking forward to catching up with you soon

@thistooshallbefantastic it's because he lives 30 minutes away, and has his daughter until 7pm..it's the only time in the coming two weeks that we are both child free to meet up and by 7:30-8pm it's a bit late for a walk lol. So I suggested garden date...my friends know and il keep them updated, and I've done my insta/Facebook stalking and all seems legit :) x

[quote Onesmallstep67]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, get Mr Fit and his skewed ego/neuroses in the fuck-it bucket asap please. You don't need those kind of ridiculous mind games. Don't dwell, block, delete, move on.[/quote]
I have done, @Onesmallstep.

I told him he was full of shit and to grow up.

I feel much better now

Good on you for calling him out @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards he sounds like a head fuck.
Good luck @havecourage8bekind and of course keep safe. You're very brave to do a garden date tonight, it's snowing here

@Heartbeats0708

Good on you for calling him out *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* he sounds like a head fuck. Good luck *@havecourage8bekind* and of course keep safe. You're very brave to do a garden date tonight, it's snowing here

@Heartbeats0708 thank you 🙂 indeed he is! X

@heartbeats0708 it's just started snowing here too! Maybe it will be cancelled after all x

Snowing here too!

Good luck tonight, hopefully you have something under cover 😀

Bit of snow and sun too - come on hot days!

I suggested to MrMilitary that if he was that desperate to meet he could come for a walk. I don’t mind meeting it would be grand but I’m not having him just come over.

He’s said “ok” in quite a grudging way. So probably not happening and I’ll just enjoy benching him for the time being.

the days he’s down might coincide with the days I’m on staycation and hopefully meeting MrPM and going camping solo after.

I’m definitely not inclined to give much time to organising or waiting around for him

If there’s a nice easy for me plan I’ll go along with it

but I’m predicting endless text tennis “I’m late!” “I’m early!” “I’m round the corner””I want to come over NOW!” “You just don’t take me seriously!”

Then silence when I say “ok, can we set and organise a day to meet next week?”

@SpringlikeBunk

Bit of snow and sun too - come on hot days!

I suggested to MrMilitary that if he was that desperate to meet he could come for a walk. I don’t mind meeting it would be grand but I’m not having him just come over.

He’s said “ok” in quite a grudging way. So probably not happening and I’ll just enjoy benching him for the time being.

the days he’s down might coincide with the days I’m on staycation and hopefully meeting MrPM and going camping solo after.

I’m definitely not inclined to give much time to organising or waiting around for him

If there’s a nice easy for me plan I’ll go along with it

but I’m predicting endless text tennis “I’m late!” “I’m early!” “I’m round the corner””I want to come over NOW!” “You just don’t take me seriously!”

Then silence when I say “ok, can we set and organise a day to meet next week?”

That must be horrible, @Spring. Sending lots of love and good wishes to you ❤️😘

Lol @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards it’s actually quite chill overall for me with MrMilitary - we’ve known each other for a while

and I know he’s a bit flaky but also there’s great chemistry

so I like keeping him in my life, but also I don’t take him that seriously/date others etc. I don’t really tend to change my schedule for him.

His job is very full on and he’s away a lot of the time. So it’s always going to be fairly on-off, but equally he’s really great when we do meet.

I’d rather have him for a casual fling than a new person if I wanted one?

Sorry to be a bit 'mum' with you there @havecourage8bekind, I couldn't not say anything IYKWIM. I hope you have fun. It's snowing off and on here too, very cold even when it's sunny.

@SpringlikeBunk

Lol *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* it’s actually quite chill overall for me with MrMilitary - we’ve known each other for a while

and I know he’s a bit flaky but also there’s great chemistry

so I like keeping him in my life, but also I don’t take him that seriously/date others etc. I don’t really tend to change my schedule for him.

His job is very full on and he’s away a lot of the time. So it’s always going to be fairly on-off, but equally he’s really great when we do meet.

I’d rather have him for a casual fling than a new person if I wanted one?

That makes sense 👍🏻

I haven't had that many relationships so I'm a bit inexperienced with these things

No bother @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I think there’s quite a range of ages and “relationship goals” on this thread overall .

I’m mid thirties and happy to date around although I don’t want “mainly sex” dating.

I guess I’m not really aiming for marriage and kids due wanting to travel/career/life goals etc - I would be open to a decent partnership but it would have to be REALLY strong to keep going and it would take time to build up .

So I’m sort of looking for that spot where I have some romance and excitement , and not just “sex meets”

but equally I couldn’t really manage a full-on relationship right now - especially as I’m moving soon.

Well I'm sure this has been done before. But since MrGinger kicked me into touch I've been thinking about boundaries & red flags.

Here's my little list of red flags:
1 the L word early on
2 moving to sex chat before snogging
3 too much interest in finances or financial situation
4 overt interest in the 'bad stuff' in your life eg abuse or hurt
5 erratic communication style
6 over predictable communication style eg have to talk at the same time every day, or only a few subjects
7 inability to organise dates / won't travel to meet

I'm sure there are loads more and that someone's already done this somewhere, in fact I know that people make a living out of this!!! Just posting in case helps others

@SpringlikeBunk

No bother *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*

I think there’s quite a range of ages and “relationship goals” on this thread overall .

I’m mid thirties and happy to date around although I don’t want “mainly sex” dating.

I guess I’m not really aiming for marriage and kids due wanting to travel/career/life goals etc - I would be open to a decent partnership but it would have to be REALLY strong to keep going and it would take time to build up .

So I’m sort of looking for that spot where I have some romance and excitement , and not just “sex meets”

but equally I couldn’t really manage a full-on relationship right now - especially as I’m moving soon.

I understand that, @Spring.

I'm mid twenties and have only had a couple of serious relationships so far. One at college years ago, and one more recently, that one ended badly and I'm still trying to move on, though I'm finding OLD difficult. I seem to attract younger men (like Mr. Fit) who want to mess around.

I've always liked older men, as I find them more mature, and more likely to take things seriously.

I think my CP makes it difficult as well, as I think some men see it as a 'burden.'

I'm ideally looking for a fulfilling relationship and I do want a family at some point. 😘

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Do you put your CP on your profile?

I’m just wondering if you’re looking for a full time serious relationship it might actually be better to be completely honest, scare off the fun guys and have less shallow contacts but more in depth ones?

Like I said I don’t want children but IF I did I’d actually state that on my profile as I’d rather quickly weed out anyone who wasn’t up for it?

Like:

“Hi, I’m X. I work in Y. I have CP which practically means Z on a day to day basis.

I enjoy baking/gaming/walking etc and I’m looking to get to know someone to settle down with for a serious relationship. I’m also retraining to qualify as a hr person to progress my career.

If you’d like a coffee and a walk, let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.”

I mainly used match in my mid-twenties though I didn’t want to settle down then

and I found there are some guys I’m that age range who are definitely very ready to partner up they have that “mindset”?

so it’s a case of trying to connect with them rather than wasting time with the F**kboy types.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I think we are very similar stages in life and what we want out of relationships.
Like you I prefer older men (not too much older within a 5-8 year age range) and want to settle down and have a family at some point