Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@cravingthelook

I've taken a sick day, I'm still in bed, really struggling with my mental health. So of course I reached out to Mr HT because I needed his friendship and he just seemed so off and cold. He said 'I'm happy and this is just how I am' so I called him out on his behaviour and asked if he was acting now or in the first couple of months we met. Told him I saw his value and cared and I wished him well. He choose not to answer the question instead said something shitty. Last week I was still the northern goddess. He's just a hurt and angry avoidant. How dare I care, let alone express that I do.

I didn't respond, there's no point. I was kind and caring and respectful even in the calling him out. He knows how I feel, if he's happy leaving it with him being awful to me that's up to him.

It was a few hours ago.

I'm trying to be tough and move along.

I've only just seen this ♥️♥️♥️ I'm so sorry. I think we are so far from being in the mindset of not respectful and caring we don't always look after ourselves. ♥️♥️♥️

[quote havecourage8bekind]**@wewantthefinestwines* @onwardseverstridingonwards* thank you so much, I feel really giddy still which must be a good sign. We're about to put the same film on at the same time so we can text about it as if we were watching it together. Apparently the way to do movie night in lockdown hahaha! X[/quote]
How lovely, @havecourage8bekind. Have a fantastic time ❤️

I have my walking date with Mr village in an hour and trying to find clothes that hide my lockdown weight gain as he is such a fit fanatic. I've found a shawl thing I can drape over me that will hide a multiple of sins.
Usually I'm ok about my body. It's just I've put on 10lbs and very aware of my hips and belly at the mo.
I haven't asked his height actually so may be he will be 5'7 and I tower above him?!

I'm also perimenopausal and have had two periods this month so belly is even bigger grrrr. Approaching 50 is not fun!

@kerkyra

I'm also perimenopausal and have had two periods this month so belly is even bigger grrrr. Approaching 50 is not fun!

... wear something that you love and makes you feel good. Then again it's pretty cold out there so just throw on a coat over whatever it is you've got on. If he's not shy it will be more about eye contact ...? Xxx

Good luck!!! ♥️♥️♥️

@kerkyra Good luck with your walk🙂

Hope everyone is ok. Craving the look are you ok ? I'm meeting the guy I'm speaking to next week. Ive decided if I dont like him or vice versa I'm not bothering with OLD again. It's boring

@BLTLover

Hope everyone is ok. Craving the look are you ok ? I'm meeting the guy I'm speaking to next week. Ive decided if I dont like him or vice versa I'm not bothering with OLD again. It's boring

It so is boring. Like loads of effing job interviews. Good luck to everyone out there today ... as my also single girlfriend says ./. God loves a tryer...!

It's the same conversation isnt it? I've got a pic with my dog and it's all like who's your dog, what breed is he? Will he eat me?

@kerkyra

I have my walking date with Mr village in an hour and trying to find clothes that hide my lockdown weight gain as he is such a fit fanatic. I've found a shawl thing I can drape over me that will hide a multiple of sins. Usually I'm ok about my body. It's just I've put on 10lbs and very aware of my hips and belly at the mo. I haven't asked his height actually so may be he will be 5'7 and I tower above him?!

Hope it went well, @kerkyra ❤️ x

@kerkyra enjoy your date and I hope Mr Village is fab.

I think I’m seeing Mr TG tomorrow evening but after our last two attempts to meet not happening, I’m fully expecting him to cancel. If he does I’ll have to reconsider this whole thing
In other news my iron from last summer Mr BlueEyes has been back in touch. Just a friendly catch up type message. But then telling me he has gotten his own place and if I was nearby I was welcome to call. It’s weird because he’s been on my mind recently and then he pops up!

I think my frustration with Mr TG is allowing this contact to prey on my mind more that it should! Especially given Mr BlueEyes’ flakiness around comms and the fact that he more or less ghosted me at the end!
He was the first person I connected with when I started dating (and first person I dtd with after my exDH!) so I think he’ll always be someone I think of fondly.
I just need to remember why I moved on or else I could very easily end up back there 😯

Hope it went well @kerkyra

@BLTLover

Lol I know what you mean - I’m sometimes feeling the urge to get back on apps

but I know I’ll be a lot happier just being a bit lonely and doing exercise and seeing if I can build my emotional life up in other ways right now?

I’ll see how things go and if I meet or don’t meet MrPM this month or if I see MrCanal again, and go from there really. Might be a zero date month

Hopefully lockdown ending means a lot of new optimistic faces!

But pacing my dating definitely suits me better.

MrC is back in June and I think he might be up for going out on day trips and meals out and tennis? So that would be nice if possible.

It’s trying to keep some romantic/dating interest whilst not getting overwhelmed with rubbish low quality interactions really!

I’ve definitely improved emotionally since I decided to try to mainly have reliable emotionally supportive types (dates or social) in my life.

They don’t need to be 109% in love with me (or I with them) or MrPerfect but I haven’t got the emotional resilience any more to have loads of slightly random encounters in my life.

@BLTLover

It's the same conversation isnt it? I've got a pic with my dog and it's all like who's your dog, what breed is he? Will he eat me?

🤣🤣🤣 Or finding out the pic with a dog that they've posted has got nothing to do with whether they like dogs they'd just heard they'll get more likes that way 🤷🏻‍♀️ 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Hope @kerkyra is having a nice date, checking in for the update 👀
@Mayzee He was the first person I connected with when I started dating (and first person I dtd with after my exDH!) so I think he’ll always be someone I think of fondly I feel like this about my ex iron. Difference is I guess he didn't do anything wrong, it just felt like it'd run its course. I'm having some pretty serious second thoughts now though. I remember the MrBlueEyes drama, do you really want to go there?
I'm feeling ever so torn about my future and really rubbish this weekend. Using this as a bit of a sounding board/distraction.

@kerkyra have a lovely date!

@Mayzee

Yeh I remember MrBlueEyes - I echo what @Heartbeats0708 says , take care of yourself there?

Didn’t he get back in touch again then once you responded and he got your attention roused just disappeared again?

I guess you could put him into the “completely casual” box if you think you’d rather have physical intimacy with him than a new person if MrTG doesn’t work out. Familiar face and all that, but still date/meet others.

But whether or not you can handle that emotionally might be another thing.

Yes,I'm back! Well,it was really pleasant and thanks everyone for good lucks.
Good things about him....2 minute drive away.Funny.Own house and good job(very rare for me).Attentive father. Loves eating healthy salmon,spinach etc like me but enjoys crap too and wasnt put off when I said I get through a stash of choc and doritos in an eve. Ex wife cheated on him so we have that in common.Pretty upbeat sort like myself. Said he liked me and wanted a second date.
Uncertain things...not my usual sort,ie rounder face and small button nose sort 😄 more angular features and pointy nose! I quite liked the new look though and thought yes I could kiss him if I got to know his personality and the whole package worked.He is a grower.
I'm not giddy but quietly excited?

@kerkyra - hope the date goes well

He has had six dates in the last 2mnths and said until he meets someone special he will continue to date but said he felt a good connection with me .and will come off apps if something progresses .Sounds fair and sensible. Less pressure.
We are doing a coffee he t week in one of our gardens.

Mayzee it might be nice to see Mr blue eyes and things may have changed since you last saw him,ie he could be more settled and knows what he wants but just keep to your boundaries if you do catch up. I wouldn't sleep with him though if things didnt work with Mr TG for a long time but that's just me protecting myself.

@SpringlikeBunk and @Heartbeats0708 you are right of course. I would be playing with fire (emotionally for me) if I go there again. And yes he did pop up before Christmas and disappear again which left me kicking myself that I entertained the thoughts of seeing him again.
I won’t be seeing him in any way while Mr TG is on the scene. I’m glad I posted here actually because your responses have reminded me of how annoyed I was the last time. I need to keep remembering that because when he is good he is very very good

Great news @kerkyra it sounds like a positive experience! Hope the coffee goes well, he sounds as though he has his head screwed on has he got some tips for me
@Mayzee I didn't like to trawl back through threads but I thought I vaguely remembered him popping up again and you were annoyed that you'd bothered to engage with him.
I'm not sure if this is in any way similar but it can be easy, for me at least, to get caught between "options" and sometimes it may just be that none of them are right and the search needs to begin again. I don't feel I have any clarity on where I'd like my life to go just now so I've made the executive decision not to make any decisions!

@kerkyra

Yes,I'm back! Well,it was really pleasant and thanks everyone for good lucks. Good things about him....2 minute drive away.Funny.Own house and good job(very rare for me).Attentive father. Loves eating healthy salmon,spinach etc like me but enjoys crap too and wasnt put off when I said I get through a stash of choc and doritos in an eve. Ex wife cheated on him so we have that in common.Pretty upbeat sort like myself. Said he liked me and wanted a second date. Uncertain things...not my usual sort,ie rounder face and small button nose sort 😄 more angular features and pointy nose! I quite liked the new look though and thought yes I could kiss him if I got to know his personality and the whole package worked.He is a grower. I'm not giddy but quietly excited?

So happy for you, @kerkyra! ❤️

@kerkyra

Yes,I'm back! Well,it was really pleasant and thanks everyone for good lucks. Good things about him....2 minute drive away.Funny.Own house and good job(very rare for me).Attentive father. Loves eating healthy salmon,spinach etc like me but enjoys crap too and wasnt put off when I said I get through a stash of choc and doritos in an eve. Ex wife cheated on him so we have that in common.Pretty upbeat sort like myself. Said he liked me and wanted a second date. Uncertain things...not my usual sort,ie rounder face and small button nose sort 😄 more angular features and pointy nose! I quite liked the new look though and thought yes I could kiss him if I got to know his personality and the whole package worked.He is a grower. I'm not giddy but quietly excited?

Hurrah! So pleased for you ☺️♥️☺️

MrWG is offering a FWB type scenario, where he comes and looks after me and does whatever I want, without any expectations in return. A submissive dynamic for him.

I'm a bit perplexed by this and how to react. I've certainly had FB (just the functional, no "friend" part) in the past, but I already have feelings so not sure it's honest of me to accept that.
I'm also not sure I can just sit around while someone does stuff. I mean, it seems like the ideal, right? But......how? It seems so selfish.
I suspect he's not interested in a relationship as he is genuinely too busy. Though I fully accept that he may not see me as relationship material.

But I would certainly get something from such an arrangement (if only my dinner cooked!).

I have no clue how to reply.