Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@BelladiMamma Sorry to hear Mr Ginger ended things but hopefully it will stop all the angst over his messaging style.

It is difficult when communication is an issue although if he has his kids then he might want to give them 100% of his attention. How old are they?
It sounds like he compartmentalised his life so he put you out of his mind when you weren't together.

Hope you are okay craving. I was in asimilar situation a few weeks ago and got put on AD. They are really helping me actually and I feel a lot brighter, hopefully they will for you too.

@havecourage8bekind - hope date goes well

@BelladiMamma ❤️

Good luck courage don't forget the loo update 😁

Wise words spring I will remember that ' like signing up to hit your own heart with a hammer".

I'm done with flaky men now - it's really not worth the angst which I'm prone to. If one becomes flaky in the future I'm just going to leave it I think. I'm hoping that if it's right you don't feel all anxious 🙂

Good luck for your date. @havecourage8bekind ❤️

Sending you love and hugs, @craving 💕

Good luck @havecourage8bekind gorgeous weather so nice time to be out. Was just out and thinking there’s a nice socialising vibe on the streets!

@cravingthelook slowing down a bit and giving yourself healing time sounds like a plan - I think we’ve all been there or close at times with our emotional although. Keep posting to let off steam and get thoughts out if you need.

Gorgeous? It's absolutely freezing here! I went to a friend's for brunch in her garden and nearly froze. I'm meeting another friend later for a walk and I'm going to put long johns on!

Look after yourself @cravingthelook - strip out pressure points from your life.

@VanGoghsDog it’s like sunny but cold - still coats and winter gear needed but the sun makes it feel cheerful?

I was out on my own and spent a ridiculous amount on hipster artisan doughnuts. Sat down for a bit and yes could have done with more layers if I’d been there any longer.

Ah, it's not sunny here, it's grey :(

Enjoy your walk @VanGoghsDog

[quote SortingItOut]@BelladiMamma Sorry to hear Mr Ginger ended things but hopefully it will stop all the angst over his messaging style.

It is difficult when communication is an issue although if he has his kids then he might want to give them 100% of his attention. How old are they?
It sounds like he compartmentalised his life so he put you out of his mind when you weren't together.[/quote]
They're 12 & 15, more or less same age as mine. And yes I get the compartmentalising but absolutely no warning other than the silence in between meet ups that he wasn't happy. I mean, quite the opposite. I'm flummoxed.

@noodles44

That sounds promising *@VanGoghsDog* I had a decent text exchange too with MrG on Wed/yesterday and then a video chat last night which was lovely. I’m feeling way more positive again now. A bit frustrated though as he won’t meet for a walk as thinks keeping the 2m distance will not happen, I have pointed out that we could resume our bubble again to get around this. I changed the subject and left it there, I am hoping once he has sorted his hair (which he is hugely conscious of - it looks fine and really would not put me off) he may change his tune regarding resuming our support bubble. Fingers crossed anyway.

Also agree @BelladiMamma that it is better to find out sooner than later, sorry though as it is tough. Especially when getting mixed signals. At least it has saved you lots of second guessing and overthinking/analysing his contact. I’ve been doing that whilst MrG has been in touch less during this lockdown and it has been miserable some days.

Sorry you are struggling @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards at the mo. Hopefully as the restrictions gradually ease it is the boost you need. I met one of my best friends for a coffee in the park last week and we laughed and chatted for the entire meet. I haven’t seen her this year and have missed her so much. It did me the world of good. I think any dating issues are highlighted all the more due to the lack of everything else at the moment.

Good luck to anyone having a date over the Easter weekend 😁

Thank you @noodles44. You're quite right

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

It’s mental isn’t it I agree? I think a few of us have had similar experiences?

Guys who are perfect in company so we get attached but then.....

Like MrMilitary my flaky one, when we’re together it’s like perfect chemistry/he’s a gentleman/great at conversation/attentive/eager to make me happy. There’s no reason for me to doubt.

Then by messages it’s just flakiness and terseness and although we’re still in touch and it’s cool, I’ve just given up expecting any decent contact tbh? It is what it is and he is who he is.

He suggested meeting before he goes away for work and I KNOW it would involve lots of last minute changes/me having to chase him up/him not responding if I tried to confirm/not taking my phone calls. I’m not high maintenance or wanting a posh date, just some advance planning.

So I said no - he’s still on my books

but trying to manage a full time exclusive relationship with someone who can’t communicate like this would be like signing up to hit your heart with a hammer![/quote]
That is a brilliant way of putting it. I love the collective wisdom here!!

I hope that everyone who has meet ups is blessed with good weather and well disposed irons!

I will see my other 2 irons over the next week or two. I'd felt bad staying in touch with them but seems like that was the best thing to do.

I've blocked MrGinger because I don't want to be tempted to start firing off self explanatory messages or desperate ones either. Sometimes I find it's best to block them for my own sanity.

Not that it's deterred the last love bomber I was involved with who seems to get a new pay as you go every week and loves to send me a heartbroken 💔 I miss you 😪 message, despite the fact that we broke up over his drug and alcohol use & it was a pretty definitive break up because of that.

Just back from my walk with Mr Feminine. It was lovely! We walked for two hours, no awkward chats..laughed loads & just got on really well. Physically he's a good looking guy but there was no massive spark. Is that even a thing? He's already text me since leaving and said he would love to see me again, that I'm beautiful and win the competition for the best eyes (we'd spoken about eyes before as we've got very similar colour hazel eyes). Come home feeling a bit giddy! Xx

@havecourage8bekind

I’d say definitely worth a second date if he’s kind and decent and you think he’s a 6 for attraction rather than a 9?

See how it goes?

My iron MrC made the same impression on me first time - overall good looking but his voice and presentation and “vibe” didn’t suit me.

But I had a lovely time dating him as he was/is a total gentleman and attraction grew and knowing him really increased my confidence and self esteem

(we split over me not wanting marriage/kids not personality differences).

@havecourage8bekind - yay, so pleased it went well for you - how lovely you got on so well - definitely go for the second date!

@springlikebunk This isn't MrGorgeous (9/10). But yeah I know what you mean about the attraction growing. I think because I haven't dated in so long I'm out of the loop with how I'm meant to feel on a first date! He's definitely gentlemanly and really lovely! Glad to hear yours grew and worked out (until it didn't, lol) xx

@havecourage8bekind yay! So pleased to hear the date went well. Hoping that a second date is in the cards for you 💕

havecourage lovely to hear about a delightful date - definitely see him again!

craving so sorry you're feeling 'like a rotten potato', as my DS would say. I think it's very telling that even when you were on here saying you have to stop being everything to everyone, you still left supportive comments for others... I hope you manage to look after yourself before anyone else. The meds can make such a difference. Onwards and upwards 💐

@wewantthefinestwines @onwardseverstridingonwards thank you so much, I feel really giddy still which must be a good sign. We're about to put the same film on at the same time so we can text about it as if we were watching it together. Apparently the way to do movie night in lockdown hahaha! X

[quote havecourage8bekind]**@wewantthefinestwines* @onwardseverstridingonwards* thank you so much, I feel really giddy still which must be a good sign. We're about to put the same film on at the same time so we can text about it as if we were watching it together. Apparently the way to do movie night in lockdown hahaha! X[/quote]
What a lovely thing to do ♥️

@havecourage8bekind that sounds like a lovely date and a lovely idea for spending the evening ‘together’. And I would say if you are feeling giddy then there was some kind of spark. Excited for you
@cravingthelook just echoing the others in wishing you well. Putting yourself first and slowing it all down is the right thing to do.