Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Sadly so common,I'm sure the guys on here aren't like this but I find men either love bomb us and over txt,or it's an out of site out of mind thing. Like they cant multi task and think of us when we arent with them. I've given up working them out.

Sight

@kerkyra

Sadly so common,I'm sure the guys on here aren't like this but I find men either love bomb us and over txt,or it's an out of site out of mind thing. Like they cant multi task and think of us when we arent with them. I've given up working them out.

Ha. Yes I'm with ya. Had too many love bombers to mention and now this. All so strange but basically cba to figure it out. I always try to be genuine, honest and in touch with people I care about

@BelladiMamma

And as MrGinger has just dumped me over WhatsApp when I got in touch to firm up our plans over the weekend. So even though I'm totally jaded, disappointed & upset I'm going to try not to give up.

@BelladiMamma ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Sorry to hear @BelladiMamma it's shit isn't it.

@cravingthelook

Sorry to hear *@BelladiMamma* it's shit isn't it.

Thanks to you all for your sympathy. Trying not to feel cynical here 🙁

I think the reason that I'm struggling as well, just thinking about it, is that the only person I've actually dated was my ex, and I thought I was going to make a life with him. I never thought I'd be down this road again.

It's just so difficult sometimes ❤️

Well, I had a brief text exchange with MrWG yesterday, I messaged, he answered immediately, and we exchanged a few messages (he's away at the moment), then today I messaged asking for some help with a technical issue (he's a techy) and he replied quickly and spent ages on it, then later on the chat got quite flirty. I left it with the last message being from him.

@VanGoghsDog

Well, I had a brief text exchange with MrWG yesterday, I messaged, he answered immediately, and we exchanged a few messages (he's away at the moment), then today I messaged asking for some help with a technical issue (he's a techy) and he replied quickly and spent ages on it, then later on the chat got quite flirty. I left it with the last message being from him.

Sounds promising, @VanGogh 👍🏻❤️

@BelladiMamma

I guess it’s better you know now the situation rather than wasting time months down the line?

One of my irons is a bit last minute/flaky (and was early on) and I’m glad decisions were made early on so I never took him as a steady 1-1 prospect and was able to meet others?

We’re still in touch but I’ve had some great dating experiences with others, whereas if I was waiting around for him to up his game I’d just be very frustrated and sad.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

I guess it’s better you know now the situation rather than wasting time months down the line?

One of my irons is a bit last minute/flaky (and was early on) and I’m glad decisions were made early on so I never took him as a steady 1-1 prospect and was able to meet others?

We’re still in touch but I’ve had some great dating experiences with others, whereas if I was waiting around for him to up his game I’d just be very frustrated and sad.[/quote]
Yes you're right 😞

I just found the disconnect between how lovely he was and loving when we were together to the silences really hard to read.

I hate second guessing ... & now I won't need to with him I suppose

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I think the reason that I'm struggling as well, just thinking about it, is that the only person I've actually dated was my ex, and I thought I was going to make a life with him. I never thought I'd be down this road again.

It's just so difficult sometimes ❤️

I've woken up this morning deciding that these experiences only need to make me thicker skinned. That's what I need too! So if we haven't had lots of dating experiences before we can decide how we use these ones. Sending you love and hugs ♥️

Sorry to hear that @BelladiMamma hope you're alright about it. @cravingthelook how are you doing? I wanted to drop you a WhatsApp but wasn't sure if you'd find it weird.
@SpringlikeBunk massive thank you for this:

*One of my irons is a bit last minute/flaky (and was early on) and I’m glad decisions were made early on so I never took him as a steady 1-1 prospect and was able to meet others?

We’re still in touch but I’ve had some great dating experiences with others, whereas if I was waiting around for him to up his game I’d just be very frustrated and sad*

It is EXACTLY what I needed to read re Mr Polo. I am totally in the frustrated/sad phase but this has really hit home. I don't even know if I'd want to be in a relationship with him so why the hell am I so hung up on him?! Ahh this is why I love this thread!

@BelladiMamma

It’s mental isn’t it I agree? I think a few of us have had similar experiences?

Guys who are perfect in company so we get attached but then.....

Like MrMilitary my flaky one, when we’re together it’s like perfect chemistry/he’s a gentleman/great at conversation/attentive/eager to make me happy. There’s no reason for me to doubt.

Then by messages it’s just flakiness and terseness and although we’re still in touch and it’s cool, I’ve just given up expecting any decent contact tbh? It is what it is and he is who he is.

He suggested meeting before he goes away for work and I KNOW it would involve lots of last minute changes/me having to chase him up/him not responding if I tried to confirm/not taking my phone calls. I’m not high maintenance or wanting a posh date, just some advance planning.

So I said no - he’s still on my books

but trying to manage a full time exclusive relationship with someone who can’t communicate like this would be like signing up to hit your heart with a hammer!

That sounds promising @VanGoghsDog
I had a decent text exchange too with MrG on Wed/yesterday and then a video chat last night which was lovely. I’m feeling way more positive again now. A bit frustrated though as he won’t meet for a walk as thinks keeping the 2m distance will not happen, I have pointed out that we could resume our bubble again to get around this. I changed the subject and left it there, I am hoping once he has sorted his hair (which he is hugely conscious of - it looks fine and really would not put me off) he may change his tune regarding resuming our support bubble. Fingers crossed anyway.

Also agree @BelladiMamma that it is better to find out sooner than later, sorry though as it is tough. Especially when getting mixed signals. At least it has saved you lots of second guessing and overthinking/analysing his contact. I’ve been doing that whilst MrG has been in touch less during this lockdown and it has been miserable some days.

Sorry you are struggling @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards at the mo. Hopefully as the restrictions gradually ease it is the boost you need. I met one of my best friends for a coffee in the park last week and we laughed and chatted for the entire meet. I haven’t seen her this year and have missed her so much. It did me the world of good. I think any dating issues are highlighted all the more due to the lack of everything else at the moment.

Good luck to anyone having a date over the Easter weekend 😁

That was supposed to be a smiley face not a grimace above btw!! 😄

God I think I need to get my eyes tested! 🤔🤣

@Heartbeats0708 thanks

I reached out to him because I felt so bad and he wasn't there for me. I didn't tell him.

I hit the floor this week, I called the dr. I got signed off and I started ADs yesterday. I'm just hoping for some respite from being everything for everyone. From having to be ok. My cup is now empty.

The only way is up right!

@SpringlikeBunk perhaps it's a military thing Mr HT was 24 years in and only 7 years out.

Got a date planned for this afternoon, all being well! Very last minute, with Mr Feminine. He's hilarious..we bounce off each other and conversation is very natural. He's really lovely! Loves a face mask and pamper hence the name haha! First date in 11 years so I'm very nervous!!!! Wahhhhh!!!

Sending a hug and lots of positivity your way @cravingthelook. So sorry to hear that you have hit a bit of a physical and mental wall. Hopefully with plenty of rest , the meds and self care you can start to feel a bit better soon. Well done for recognising that you were struggling. You and your nearest and dearest are your priority now, everything else can wait.

@havecourage8bekind, ooh that sounds good. Always nice to get a positive buzz when chatting to someone. We'll be looking out for the update later

@onesmallstep67 thank you! I'm confident that even if the attraction isn't there in person, we will have a good laugh so that helps the nerves I suppose!

@cravingthelook that is tough and draining being everything to everyone and not having support when needed. Look after yourself xx

Good luck on the date @havecourage8bekind - sounds like it will be a fun one

@cravingthelook I'm really pleased you recognised that your cup was empty and got help. You are right - the only way is up. Take your time and just be, no pressure from anyone💕💕

@havecourage8bekind Good luck with your date.