Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@TheCatWithTheHat have you selected the "Profile must not contain any references to teeth, house, fish or beer" option? That would probably leave about 4 guys in the whole of the UK this really made me laugh 😂
@kerkyra yeah I'd be on the lookout too (and a bit paranoid!) just don't shit on your own doorstep as my father would say.
Mr Polo still blowing hot and cold, I'm rapidly giving up hope but so far successfully sitting on my hands and offering him the same as he is me. Mr Dog still messaging but I can't fit him in for at least 10 days 🙄
Anyone got anything lined up this weekend?

He has replied he is in the top part too. I've asked where abouts .My neighbour four doors down dated the woman across the road from us for a year,then she dumped him.He told me he is reminded of her and how much it hurt everytime he goes out the front door.Poor bloke.
Definitely don't want to shot on my doorstep!

I saw a bloke from here 2yrs ago,the local butcher,for a few weeks and then he stopped messaging and that was embarrassing enough. I was on here at the time,i spoke to him on pof then met in the local pub but his wife had just left and he was all over the place. Do not want a repeat of that!

I've been following this thread on and off for 2 years and like lots of you

1. I'm a successful solvent not bad looking woman
2. I've had an emotionally abusive marriage of 20 years and the first two car crash post divorce relationships I had were future faking love bombers who evolved into stalkers (go me 😣)
3. I'm gradually learning to be thick skinned on the apps and move on relatively quickly
4. I'm cis gender bi with an open mind / not 100% vanilla but then who is

I love reading about your different tales and scenarios and how you deal with things. Currently I am dating an ex colleague I matched with on Hinge, let's call him MrGinger, friend zoned but still intrigued by MrCypriot & can't quite let go of chatting to MissHotSpaniard. Genuinely they're all lovely and if I could morph them into one SuperIron I would. mrGinger and I have DTD & have discussed being exclusive but then he's very hot and cold on communication plus there's a bedroom issue which I think bothers him more than me. Otherwise I would genuinely think of him as a potential life mate. With MrGinger I have just decided to suck it up the days he disappears as they genuinely coincide with when he has his girls.

My question is when and how do I raise going exclusive with him again given his crappy communication style & that actually I can only really see him for sleepovers once every two weeks. Plus we've only been seeing each other a few weeks! Any words of wisdom gladly received!

Ok,hes new to village and when I asked if he lived in a few roads,he thought they were the new wimpy home houses.im safe!
Going to give it a few hours to reply,dont want to look too keen and bugger this up.

@kerkyra

Ok,hes new to village and when I asked if he lived in a few roads,he thought they were the new wimpy home houses.im safe! Going to give it a few hours to reply,dont want to look too keen and bugger this up.

Good luck, @kerkyra! 🤞🏻 for you x

My question is when and how do I raise going exclusive with him again given his crappy communication style & that actually I can only really see him for sleepovers once every two weeks. Plus we've only been seeing each other a few weeks! Any words of wisdom gladly received!

I think I'd leave it a few weeks. It's unlikely he's seeing anyone else really, isn't it. And if he's multi dating and meets someone he prefers, well, so be it.
If you've already mentioned it and not had a positive response I think it's best to leave it a while.

Am having a okay time on Bumble. Swiped right on lots of people. It's a bit quiet at the moment, for me, but then I've only just joined. Hopefully more irons will pop up soon 🤞🏻❤️

Helps to know I'm in good company cat 😔

Nice to keep it local kerkyra but definitely be extra careful in case he turns out to be a dodgy geezer.

Belladi it sounds very soon to make it exclusive, do you not think it might come up again naturally in a few more weeks?

Thanks Onwards.
I know you are struggling a bit with all this but just remember you're not alone. For all I know this new iron could be anyone and may just want a pen friend and my hopes will be dashed. It's just that I'm 10 miles from any town and want someone local so I'm probably just excited that hes local. I havent even thought if I'm attracted to him 😄.
I hope you're getting a few chats in today x

@VanGoghsDog

My question is when and how do I raise going exclusive with him again given his crappy communication style & that actually I can only really see him for sleepovers once every two weeks. Plus we've only been seeing each other a few weeks! Any words of wisdom gladly received!

I think I'd leave it a few weeks. It's unlikely he's seeing anyone else really, isn't it. And if he's multi dating and meets someone he prefers, well, so be it.
If you've already mentioned it and not had a positive response I think it's best to leave it a while.

So we spoke about it before we DTD but now I'm paranoid because he just disappears when he's with the girls whereas I am way more chatty. But yes, in the end there's no rush

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Helps to know I'm in good company cat 😔

Nice to keep it local kerkyra but definitely be extra careful in case he turns out to be a dodgy geezer.

Belladi it sounds very soon to make it exclusive, do you not think it might come up again naturally in a few more weeks?

Yes I think I will. This is a much more health relationship than I've been in for a long time so I need to just chill I think!

@kerkyra

Thanks Onwards. I know you are struggling a bit with all this but just remember you're not alone. For all I know this new iron could be anyone and may just want a pen friend and my hopes will be dashed. It's just that I'm 10 miles from any town and want someone local so I'm probably just excited that hes local. I havent even thought if I'm attracted to him 😄. I hope you're getting a few chats in today x

@kerkyra that's okay and thank you so much for your kind words ❤️

I think you only know what a potential iron is like once you start talking to them. If they just want 'friendship.' Or to 'have fun.' and that's not what you're looking for, just say your goodbyes and good lucks and move on. If it doesn't work with this guy, that's okay, because there's someone out there for you. Sending you and lots of love 😘

I think this iron is just after friendship,we are chatting about the history of the village and places of interest around.
He is actually quite attractive! I would ask if he fancied a dog walk,but I've done this a few times and nothing ever came from it so would prefer him to ask.

This is what annoys me about OKCupid - my Premium subscription just ran out an hour or so ago, so I'm now not able to see my likes.

Over the last month I've probably had about 1 like every couple of days. When I checked a couple of hours ago, I had none. Now I have 22! I bet if I paid to see the, they'd all be from people living 1000s of miles away - it's such a scam.

@kerkyra

I think this iron is just after friendship,we are chatting about the history of the village and places of interest around. He is actually quite attractive! I would ask if he fancied a dog walk,but I've done this a few times and nothing ever came from it so would prefer him to ask.

@kerkyra that's Cool 🙂 he sounds lovely- I would continue talking to him. You never know where it might lead after all ❤️

Okay I've got ok cupid workimg ( not that there's anyone remotely nearby). Shame as I like the setup and questions they ask and matches being based on this.

Just got off the phone with Mr France - blimey he can talk - lives in a very remote area and is basically lonely. Obviously no future but he is fun to talk to and we are both from the same part of London so have a lot in common. Think he might be a lovely phone mate.

@bangheadhere40

Okay I've got ok cupid workimg ( not that there's anyone remotely nearby). Shame as I like the setup and questions they ask and matches being based on this.

I am only on hinge. Which apps do other people use? I'm not so sure about ok Cupid or match given what others have said about them.

BelladiMamma I joined tinder for the first time in the autumn. Previously only on pof for years. I'm finding tinder ok,thought it would be dull of weirdos and sex pests and apart from one convo where we were talking about what we were having for lunch and out the blue he said 'tell me your fantasies',everyone has been so friendly and respectful. Not that chat to many,probably about two or three new guys a week.
Pof was ok but unless you hid your profile and then no one messaged( unless you messaged first),you can often get all sorts and some not good.Then you have to decide to ignore 0r say no thanks,which I find would be more hurtful.

@kerkyra

BelladiMamma I joined tinder for the first time in the autumn. Previously only on pof for years. I'm finding tinder ok,thought it would be dull of weirdos and sex pests and apart from one convo where we were talking about what we were having for lunch and out the blue he said 'tell me your fantasies',everyone has been so friendly and respectful. Not that chat to many,probably about two or three new guys a week. Pof was ok but unless you hid your profile and then no one messaged( unless you messaged first),you can often get all sorts and some not good.Then you have to decide to ignore 0r say no thanks,which I find would be more hurtful.

Thank you ☺️ Is it mainly the same people across the apps or do you get more choice?

And as MrGinger has just dumped me over WhatsApp when I got in touch to firm up our plans over the weekend. So even though I'm totally jaded, disappointed & upset I'm going to try not to give up.

Tinder has fresh faces which I never sw on pof 🙂 was a nice surprise after spending years on pof.Actually,this was due to me still being in ancient times and having no smart phone( I still only have a Nokia and love it,no worries about WhatsApp ticks as never had it) but then I tried tinder on my tablet and it worked. I'm a bit slow to the party 😄
Mr village has given me his number and asked for a walk!

Oh no,sorry,I never saw your last post. What a wanker,so sorry to read that.

@kerkyra

Tinder has fresh faces which I never sw on pof 🙂 was a nice surprise after spending years on pof.Actually,this was due to me still being in ancient times and having no smart phone( I still only have a Nokia and love it,no worries about WhatsApp ticks as never had it) but then I tried tinder on my tablet and it worked. I'm a bit slow to the party 😄 Mr village has given me his number and asked for a walk!

Good luck on your walk!

Yes I'm quite the iPhone girl so happy to embrace the tech.

@kerkyra

Oh no,sorry,I never saw your last post. What a wanker,so sorry to read that.

Yeah. I found the disappearing acts kinda weird. From the closeness of what we had when we were together to almost ghosting in between meets. People are strange.