Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I looked at ok cupid but not sure if I'm doing something wrong ? It showed me 5 men in the whole of the UK then started showing American ones. Maybe I've got a filter set wrong somewhere.

I signed up to hinge yesterday (before my no app April) , and got 6 likes of guys around age 27-30. You can only put a filter on if you pay - but being in my fifties I was like Um nope.

I might try okcupid next month then.....

I’ve hidden myself on tinder and bumble too.

@bangheadhere40 - 5 men in the whole of the UK!? Not too promising 🤣

I know 😄 I checked my settings and preferences but I must have missed something. Might try again later!

gara I found Hinge full of younger men, mainly in cities too and I'm quite rural. I didn't see many in their 40s on there.

@bangheadhere40

I looked at ok cupid but not sure if I'm doing something wrong ? It showed me 5 men in the whole of the UK then started showing American ones. Maybe I've got a filter set wrong somewhere.

It took me a while to understand it - so far I've got 39 likes and 8 chats going - got a phone call with someone tonight but he lives in France!! The others are all in the UK I think. Will fill an hour I suppose. The nice thing is you can introduce yourself to someone you like, even if they haven't matched. I suspect it will die down by the weekend though.

I posted this on the wrong thread earlier:

I'm quite liking Badoo. In a way, not being limited to women messaging first and only messaging matches is interesting (though obviously you get the weirdos, I had one who just said "be a no", I said "I don't know what you mean", he said "byes". Nope, no idea).
They do have three free filters.

I hadn't noticed the filters had gone from Bumble, explains why I now keep seeing smokers, so I'll have to keep an eye out for that, it's a deal breaker for me, any smoking at all.

"be a no" equates to "I'm sorry but you're not for me - good luck with your quest" if someone could spare a moment to write in complete sentences and have some decency.

@bangheadhere40 Switch off the global thing in OkCupid perhaps ? You will be shown everyone that has matched with you globally before everyone locally (sheer weight of numbers).

No messages from Mr France since midday on Monday.
Mr Dimples from last February keeps popping up every week with the same hi, how are you? Never goes further than that

@GaraMedouar

I signed up to hinge yesterday (before my no app April) , and got 6 likes of guys around age 27-30. You can only put a filter on if you pay - but being in my fifties I was like Um nope.

I might try okcupid next month then.....

I’ve hidden myself on tinder and bumble too.

I think you need to fill out your whole profile (6 photos and 3 answers) and then you should be able to filter by age for free?

Speaking of Hinge I was having a lovely chat with someone yesterday, got a notification that I had a message in Hinge, went on the app and there was nothing there. I left it an hour then messaged him saying I think my app was playing up but still haven't heard from him, I'm now worried somethings gone wrong and our chat has somehow been disconnected even though I can still see it so he hasn't unmatched. Nothing I can do about it I guess.
I did log out and back in, and even deleted and reinstalled the app but still no message. I did however get a flurry of new likes so maybe doing that boosted my visibility a bit, worth a try if anyone is finding it a bit dead (which I do a lot of the time).

Match is the quickest waste of £60 I've ever spent!

The format just does not work for me. Bumble with a couple of free filters was the best... I could just pay for it I suppose but I'm waiting out the remaining wasted months on Match!

Also boo to those people who chat away quite interested for a while and then just unmatch mid convo as someone recently posted. That sucks.

Non-vanilla is always a swipe left from me. And couples... so many 'Ethically non-manogamous' profiles. Eww.

@GaraMedouar

Yay *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* 🤞good luck - I have pauses my apps for the month of April - and I’m set to go for a walk each morning !! 30 days of 30 walks - then when everything opens up again in May who knows ......

@GaraMedouar thank you ❤️ sending a huge good luck to you too 🙂

"be a no" equates to "I'm sorry but you're not for me - good luck with your quest" if someone could spare a moment to write in complete sentences and have some decency.

Weird, we hadn't matched, I hadn't spoken to him, so he took time out of his day to tell a complete stranger I'm not for him as if I care about that!

It's like walking down the street and telling random people that you don't want to date them.

banghead and havecourage it's not a temporary thing. He is a self-confessed procrastinator and squanderer of opportunities in life. That's why he wants to study now. Such a shame, he's is so intelligent and interesting to chat to and men like that are very very hard to come by. So I'll keep chatting, he knows I'm not impressed with his situation but enjoy our chats so it can just be that.

Interesting to hear all the app experiences. I'm in a small town and the same people tend to come up no matter what I use. Might give Hinge a go again as I like the conversation opener questions.

I've had the thing on Hinge where I see the message notification but the message isn't there for a very long time - sometimes the next day. Great bug for a dating app to have isn't it? You think you've been ghosted and unmatch causing you to stay as a paying member!
Saying that I've had the same issue on here so maybe it's my phone or reception?!

Well, Mr. normal sounding has ended our Bumble chat- boooo!

Some people's profiles are a bit weird though- there was a guy that kept up on the swipe section and when you look at his profile, all his photos were pictures of himself up on mountains and people holding his hands, and all his answers were about hand holding- I just thought 'and that's clearly a no' 😂😂😂

@VanGoghsDog Nothing surprises me ! Maybe he thought he was 'negging' you ? In which case well-negged back at him.

Just popped by to say someone in my village has messaged me on tinder!! This is too good to be true. Attractive,similar age! Does love travelling and cycling though but I can look past that for now. He says he saw me the other day walking so must be very close( he could be pulling my leg). Will keep updated!

@WeWantTheFinestWines

So not only is Mr Polite aiming to be a poor student, he lives within his mum 😪 I may sound judgey and I've never walked a mile in his shoes, but I need someone with their own place. He's 45 ffs! He is super clever, interesting, interested, funny, communicative, hot-enough, book- and animal lover. Who can build a shed. Argh! Why is it so hard to find a nice middle aged guy, who is financially independent and have their own home? And more than two brain cells to rub together? And who is not obese, fish holding or covered in tattoos?

I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not asking for anything I'm not offering myself. I offer all that and more. Maybe it is true that all the good ones are taken... But I'm a good one! And I'm available. Look! Over here! Cooeeee!!!

I like to think I match all these criteria, and I have my own place - yet I may as well be a fish-holding sack of spuds for all the likes I get :(

Maybe it is true that all the good ones are taken... But I'm a good one! And I'm available. Look! Over here! Cooeeee!!! This is also me

@bangheadhere40 have you selected the "Profile must not contain any references to teeth, house, fish or beer" option? That would probably leave about 4 guys in the whole of the UK

Just a word of warning with OKCupid - when I joined up I had 200+ likes in the first day or two after joining, but despite lots of swiping didn't get any matches. I gave in and paid for the upgrade to see my likes - and most of them were from places like Vietnam, The Philippines and Thailand. Not sure if they were genuinely looking to meet someone from the UK, or are just fake profiles to boost your likes and tempt you to upgrade but it left a bitter taste in my mouth - it all seemed a bit too much of a blatant rip off compared to the other apps.

Also I noticed a friend's profile on there, and when I mentioned it to her she said she hadn't even used the app in almost a year, so who knows whether anyone you swipe on is actually active on the app.

Ha! cat If I'd added that option I don't think I'd be left with any in the UK 😁

@kerkyra Its great he is so local but the fact he mentioned seeing you out walking sounds a bit stalkerish.

Just be careful about letting him know where you live too quickly and also (unless you want an FWB) him inviting himself round because you're so near....

Good Luck 🤞

The American ones all looked great too - I thought this is a good site until I realised where they were. My area is not quite that wide!

@TheCatWithTheHat

I definitely agree with you about inactive profiles on okcupid - I don’t think I was able to delete my last account as it requires certain login stages etc to do it and it was VERY complicated and hard to do so I just never got round to it - so I suspect I may still be up there like your mate?

MrPM sent some unexpectedly flirty messages last night which was very nice (not dirty just enthusiastic) but also I want to “pace” any flirty messaging as there’s still a month to go?

Maybe I’ll check in in two weeks see what’s happening.

There’s not really much organising to do as I stay central he doesn’t have kids so if we do meet hopefully it will be straightforward (unless his work flares up)

Thanks SortingItOut yes I agree,when I first read it I thought he was just joking but now I'm thinking hmm. I only walk my dog down my road and straight into the woods which are 100m away so now thinking is he in my street 🤷‍♀️ my road has loads of 3 story skinny Victorian houses where I really only know my immediate neighbours so now when I go out the front I'm going to be looking around suspiciously. Hope he messages back soon,I've asked where in the village as I'm in the top part.
I really dont want another weirdo lol