Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Not harsh wewantthefinestwines in my last LTR he was very silly with money and was in a load of debt. Any holidays we had i had to pay for him etc, he moved into my house and there was no chance of him ever buying with his credit rating.

I'm more bothered about if someone is sensible with what they have, rather than how much they have.

Also not come across anything like that on the videos...I've only watched a few though.

@WeWantTheFinestWines and @bangheadhere40 same! After years of financial abuse/supporting a a family of 4/paying exes debts when he was perfectly capable of earning but chose not to and now a knotty divorce looming I will a) never merge finances or marry again and b) never date someone insolvent

Mr G is hardworking and has a full time job and runs a business. It is one of the things I respect about him. Mr Bike I remember was always broke and didn’t drive and it just turned me off because of my past experiences.

[quote havecourage8bekind]@onwards So you told him about your CP, and he's not even had the decency to reply?! Even if it changed things for him, he should have the balls to own it. I feel angry for you! I absolutely hate ignorant people. X[/quote]
Yes, that's exactly what's happened.

I don't know why someone would find someone else having a mild form of CP that shocking. it's not as though i've just told them I'm a murderer!

I feel quite angry too, (but feeling better with everyone's lovely words of support on this thread!)

I really don't know why people like this are even on dating sites, I honestly don't.

@bangheadhere40

onwards sorry he hasn't replied, echoing everyone else though it says way more about him than you...x

dancer that guy sounds like an arrogant prick - good on you for making a stand and telling him it's unacceptable.

Glad you are liking the videos uttersocks and whoever else has had a listen. I was a bit dubious at first but I think his basic messages make total sense.

Still no irons for me - only potential day out at the weekend is with my friend iron Mr Spreadsheet but that's not really making me excited 😕

I completely agree with you @banghead. x

don't worry about your date, you'll feel more excited at the weekend and you'll have a great time. hope it goes well :)

@Shayelle2009

Another one just sending and *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* - you sound amazing and it could be anything why he hasn't replied, happens to me and everyone a lot and it’s the nature of OLD so don’t go taking to heart. Hugs 💗

Thank you so much @Shayelle that means a lot.

Giving big hugs straight back to you

Thanks onwards he's not a 'date', he's someone I went on a date with 2 weeks ago but there was no spark for me and I told him. He still would like to be friends though and has asked if I want to go out at the weekend.

@bangheadhere40

Thanks onwards he's not a 'date', he's someone I went on a date with 2 weeks ago but there was no spark for me and I told him. He still would like to be friends though and has asked if I want to go out at the weekend.

That's still cool. ❤️

As I said, I bet you'll have a great time

Can’t remember if I’ve posted these memes yet.

That said, I’m definitely coming to the idea that WhatsApp chats/replies and their frequency are a bit irrelevant to whether or not an interaction has legs or not 🤔

Interview went well and I'm excited by the job so hopefully I progress to the next stage. I have a strong background in the area it's looking for (they said that in the interview)

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Sorry to hear you’re feeling low - you are clearly full of love and coolness no matter what your status.

Just thinking generally back to how I found the dating scene in your age range (please ignore me if I’m off the mark) how are you getting on with other things in your life like study/career etc?

I found retraining really opened up new social and dating opportunities for me/gave me a lot of confidence in myself?

Dating can be really very shallow and tough on the self-esteem (I know I’ve been “written off” for quite a few reasons at times and felt worthless) and me having an identity that wasn’t just based on guys liking or not liking me has really helped? So I take it a bit less seriously.[/quote]
(Sorry, @Spring. Posting again as I hit the 'post' button too early on my last post to you.)

It's funny you mentioned retaining, as that's what I'm doing right now. I'm a HR student, doing a foundation certificate. I had a job that caused a lot of stress and anxiety. So I wanted to help managers lessen that worry for other people.

It's going okay so far- all of the decent men on my course are taken, unfortunately 😂

@GaraMedouar

onwards - why can’t people have any manners!

cravingthelook - 12 matches , wow - surely one must be half decent ..... then again . I’ve exhausted my Bumble. Tinder - ooh apparently I have a super like (probably from an old age pensioner) but I don’t pay so wouldn’t be able to see - or maybe they’re just trying to entice me to subscribe !
Oh well two more days of swiping before my April ‘switch off the apps’

My thoughts exactly, @Gara.

Thanks for the help yesterday. Im still chatting to Mr Facebook mainly about the hobby though and I havent dared ask him if he wants to go for a drink lol

I cant tell if hes interested or just sees me as someone to chat to about the hobby

[quote WeWantTheFinestWines]@bangheadhere40 thanks for the video recommendation. I have just learned so much and had a real eye opener about my last LTR from this one:

@Dancerinthemoonlight shocking enough that someone would even expect you to go anywhere near their place, but then to get defensive - in light of everything that's going on?! I reckon you would have been justified in being a lot harsher than you were.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards sorry you're feeling sad... I often feel the same way and I'm in my 50s! I do have kids - because I 'settled' in my late 30s - but have still never had the loving respectful relationship that I think I deserve and am still looking for. Many others do find that though, and you have so much time.

@havecourage8bekind I know exactly what you mean. I can't imagine that someone who I think is objectively gorgeous would want to be interested in little 'ole me. But you must believe that you are gorgeous and for all you know he might be a dick so treat him and think of him as you would anyone else.

I've decided to bin Mr Music as his comms are rubbish. I'm still chatting to the smart nerd, who I will call Mr Polite. Don't know if he's just being... polite... with his quick replies as he is new to old and worries about hurting people, so is he interested or just... polite? There has been some very innocent flirting but it's hard to gauge interest - no suggestion of phone call or meet-up but he is over an hour away anyway. For now I'll just keep chatting and focussing on sorting out my domestic situation.[/quote]
@WeWantTheFinestWines thank you. Your message really made me smile 😃

You have so much time to find someone too- really hope you find someone wonderful one day

[quote UtterSocks]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards sorry you are feeling down but really you had a lucky escape if he is that rude and ignorant! The lack of manners on the apps is appalling.

I had a guy I had a park walk with pop up again (Mr Medic). It didn't lead anywhere at the time, he said he liked me but didn't think we were a match (which was fine, we all have a type!) but we continued chatting as 'friends' as we are both into fitness but last night a few months after we met he started saying he did really fancy me but didn't want to get involved with me because I was going through divorce issues and had said I wanted to move overseas but he kept thinking about me and could we start again? I am assuming he tried the rest of the apps, wasn't as desirable as he thought he was and realised he had lost out! 😂But who ever really knows what goes on in someone's head? (obviously I said no because of Mr G. I am still up for a park trip though if only to talk about weightlifting!)

@havecourage8bekind I'm sure you are gorgeous and not punching at all. And handsome guy might be thick or have a micro-penis or body odour 😂 (not trying to put you off hahaha! just saying you never know what you are going to get).

Right, another long day at work beckons. Hopefully as lockdown eases dating apps will get better and dates will start minding their manners when there is a more real prospect of meeting up somewhere decent![/quote]
I agree @Utter. I think some guys just sign up because they're bored and haven't got anything to do, it's so unfair. X

@noodles44

Good luck *@Dancerinthemoonlight*

Also echoing what everyone has said about the rude guy @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - it definitely says more about him and in many ways at least he showed his true colours early on before you got too invested.

I hope everyone is enjoying the sun today. I am going for a drive to the beach for a walk/picnic/read my book for a change of scene today. I am sick of muddy cold forest walks!

@noodles44 🙂❤️

[quote Heartbeats0708]@Dancerinthemoonlight absolutely not too harsh. I'd like to think you pointing this out to him would make him think twice in future about appropriate suggestions for meets. Agree re thinking with his dick, and as you're not looking for a hook up at least he's shown who is early on.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards it's basic manners lacking here, I'm sorry he hasn't at least said one way or the other. It's the typical cliche I know but you are still young and it only takes one guy! I'm a similar age to you and would want to roll my eyes at this (feel free!) but see how the summer pans out.
@havecourage8bekind I know this feeling well Mr Dog is way out of my league looks wise but I'm going to to arrange a date zero to see him in the flesh. Some people do photo better than others in your case, he might feel he has baggage?! Everyone has little esteem niggles, try not to let it spoil things!
I think Mr Polo is breadcrumbing me. I'm going to do the "match his effort" thing and give it til the end of next week to reassess someone please confiscate my phone[/quote]
@Dancer thank you 🙂 I definitely will ❤️

[quote WingingItAtLife]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I agree with everyone else here... How rude of him not to reply at all!! What an adult he is being 🙄

I agree you will find someone who likes you for you!![/quote]
@WingingItAtLife ❤️

[quote Mayzee]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards hope you got some sleep and are feeling better this morning. It’s all him, if your disability freaked him out or made him lose interest he could have been adult enough to say so, but what would have been more adult would have been to continue the conversation as you were getting on well. Presumably you didn’t go into detail in your initial text so he obviously made a snap judgment. I think even if he responded today (after what? 3 days) I wouldn’t feel the same because that text was not a normal one that you pace your response to, that text required some kind of reaction.
Your username has never been more apt [/quote]
@Mayzee thank you. I'm feeling much better now. 🙂

I never like to give out much detail. I always tell them I have it, and then leave it up to them to ask me about it. I think there's always a slight risk that if I tell them too much, they'll be put up.

Maybe I'm approaching that wrong?

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@onwardseverstridingonwards
Agreeing with everyone else saying that him not responding says everything about who he is and nothing about you.
One day you will meet someone who likes you for you and doesn't see any issues.
We are the same age (I'm turning 28 in may)[/quote]
@Dancerinthemoonlight ❤️

@havecourage8bekind

Just opened Instagram *@onwards* and this quote popped up - "one day when you least expect it, you're going to crash into someone who is going to be so soft and gentle with your heart, and you are going to be so glad you kept it open. You are going to be so glad that you continued to fight - that you believed you deserved more" VERY FITTING! I agree with PP who said it says everything about him and nothing about you. Keep the hope & be glad this one showed his ignorant colours early. Xx

@havecourage8bekind I adore that

onwards when my ex told me he was a w/c user I initially had a freak-out moment, then I asked some questions, which he had invited me to do, and then I thought there'd be no harm in meeting him for a coffee as we'd got on so well chatting - I could decide then whether it was a deal breaker or not. So to not even chat or meet is nothing but prejudicial and cowardly. There are good people out there. You'll meet one of those.

snowy give him a few more days maybe, hard to gauge. Maybe you could mention meeting up to do the hobby rather than a drink, that way it's not so 'datey' and you have that in common anyway so it's not like you are really putting yourself out there?

@WeWantTheFinestWines

onwards when my ex told me he was a w/c user I initially had a freak-out moment, then I asked some questions, which he had invited me to do, and then I thought there'd be no harm in meeting him for a coffee as we'd got on so well chatting - I could decide then whether it was a deal breaker or not. So to not even chat or meet is nothing but prejudicial and cowardly. There are good people out there. You'll meet one of those.

Thank you @WeWantTheFinestWines. I really hope so 🤞🏻❤️

Thanks banghead I might try that. Im getting frustrated all this chatting yet no asking to meet lol.