Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Ooooh here’s a charmer..

.

It's " if you're a liar" 😁 delightful all the same, like is anyone going to swipe on him.

I’m sure ive seen his face before... probably on Crimewatch

@GaraMedouar

I have this exact issue. I don't mind an age age too much but it just seems the 50 year old men on the app look ANCIENT.

What I have learnt is men (generally )don't settle. They have a long list of wants and despite many otf those ive swiped left to not really bringing much to the table, they are incredibly passive aggressive or bluntly direct about no drama, no eyebrows, no filters blah. None of which I do but imagine I said, no short men, no dad bobs, no baldies... the uproar. pfttt

@Myfabby - I know!! I’d like someone my age preferably - but not someone who looks so old. I’m swiping on 40 year olds with kids already in their life, ie In the same sort of stage of life as me. But 40 year olds are no doubt discounting me.

Problem too is I’m early 50’s but have a primary school age DD, (and two older teenagers) , so I can’t swan off on weekends away etc, as a lot of men my age say their kids are grown up now so they’re free and looking for someone to travel with !

I’m still in the juggling stage. And DD never has overnights with her dad so I’d need to sort babysitters , overnight at Grandma etc

i didn't think I looked ancient until the last few months. Pandemic aging is a thing apparently. Still, I swipe age appropriately - plus or minus 5 years either side, with apologies for looking ancient to the younger end of that range.

I don't see much point in wasting words on your profile stating what you don't want in terms of appearance and physique. There's a reason we all put photos up there !

I caved... I made a bumble account.
I have one match, ok chat so far.

Someone mentioned Fab up thread. It that an app or website? I can’t find it!

@Cocopogo Its a website, fabswingers.

Its a swingers site but people also use it for casual sex, a few of us on here went on to find a FB or FWB and ended up in relationships.

Its not a dating site and its not for the faint hearted but it is good for openness about sex and what you're into.
You just have to weed out the not single people (unless you're happy to have an affair)

Hey rejoining after an extended break, I couldn’t bare keeping conversations going last spring it was painful!
Nice to see some familiar faces, though sorry you’ve not wandered off into the sunset.
A week back on POF it doesn’t change, though I got chatting to a guy yesterday and ended up in the park freezing my butt off for an hour. He seems a pretty ok guy, right mix of lighthearted chat but also not one to dodge the difficult topics. He’s keen to meet up again but I think there’s expectations and I’m not sure I want to move that fast.
Chatting to another man for a few days, works in the same industry, also has a disabled child so feels like a lot of common ground but no move to take it off the app, don’t even know his name but he messages frequently , but he’s new to old and hasn’t met anyone yet so not sure that’s a good idea.

Hi @stuckinarut79 - I remember you! Nice to see you again (though obviously sorry you are still looking!) And yes chatting last spring was painful!

I'm still about though in a relationship for over 5 months now- but it is testament to my pessimism that I am expecting it to fuck up now I like him so I am hedging my bets by lurking around here! I still chat to a few men from the apps where it didn't work out - compulsively collecting friends - and I have noticed that when you don't give a crap the 'messaging uncertainty' goes away and therefore they message way more often. Or maybe it is because you don't give a crap it just seems like they do as you don't notice the gaps as much? And of course no expectations...

Hope one of your irons works out for you! Must admit I hated POF but it may just be where I live that they are all neanderthals!

How come you don't know the other guy's name? Is he in witness protection or just overly cagey? 😂

I might have been overly harsh to a potential tonight but then I'm thinking if my safety and boundaries. He asked me to go round to his twice. I said no that a lady always meets in a well lit busy public area for the first meet. Apparently I have nothing to worry about. He massively backtracked when I mentioned the news articles. Because I have seen his Instagram it's fine and he is good stupid to get away with something like that. Apparently it's completely different and walks are so boring and he is over them.
@cravingthelook gave me the best line which I used. I have basic safety requirements and if you don't respect them then I won't be meeting you.

He is now unmatched and blocked on Instagram.

Down to 0 potentials as I haven't heard anything since midday from Mr French do I don't think he is that interested in me. I'm matching the effort he is putting in.

I don't think that's harsh @Dancerinthemoonlight - I think it is totally fair. Arrogant prick!

Good on you for matching Mr French's effort. I'm off to listen to the You Tube videos recommended up thread by @bangheadhere40

@VanGoghsDog your inconsistent iron sounds like he is maybe hiding something? Do you think he is still pining for his ex maybe? I am super busy but no matter how tired I am I will reply to someone so work seems an odd excuse? Hope you get to the bottom of it!

I need to keep rewatching this one!

Definitely not harsh to refuse to go to a random stranger's house. I wouldn't even discuss it, I'd just delete and block as soon as they suggested it to be honest. Decent men don't make those suggestions.

@UtterSocks. Not pining, no. I know he was on Tinder over the summer, he showed me his profile though said he had come off it due to lockdown.

He has a lot going on, all true because we know each other through a group and have people in that group in common, many who know him very well, so he wouldn't lie. The stuff going on means he's away about half the week. And Covid adds a layer of not being able to meet up.
But I do wonder if the recent ex left him a bit "guarded" as HAM suggested. And I'm always guarded, so........

His messages were so defensive like I'd accused him of being a potential murderer or rapist etc.
If he was a decent man who had just made a mis-judgement I'd have expected him to say straight away " what was I thinking, of course we will meet somewhere public" or something along those lines.
It's just the way he went on the defensive that I thought maybe I was too harsh.

I think it just shows that some men still don't get what it's like to be a woman and feel vulnerable. To have to put safety precautions in place especially in light of recent events.
When things open up more I'm going to take some self defense classes (been thinking about it for awhile since Mr Caribbean was harrasing me)

Good strong move @Dancerinthemoonlight

I’m with @VanGoghsDog in that any hint of making me uncomfortable/being sexually pushy it’s a “straight block, no discussion explanation”

Actually last year I walked past a junior doctor who’d changed “agreeing to meet out” and “I can help with your assignment” to “meal and film at his” then “just come to his.”...I blocked him no explaining so lost that contact.

But I saw him in a cafe, was quite tempted to give him a bit of a roasting in front of his friends as he looked quite “nervous/geeky” and I do angry thirty something woman/“can I speak to the manager” quite well. Was in a rush though.

Definitely on the “My Irons Are Going Quiet” bench here which is fine as plenty of stuff to look forward to when lockdown eases - I’m basically booking in all the social stuff I want to do

then any dates can be a bonus on top.

Plus I have a killer UTI so the thought of anyone in that region is 🤮🤢🤕

Hi all,

Sorry it's late, but I just need to update and get my feelings down.

Mr GC STILL hasn't replied.

I know he's read my messages and has been online (WhatsApp) since as well.

I just feel really down about it all, to be honest. Not just with him, but the fact that nearly all the men I've ever known or have met online seem to like me for five minutes, and then treat me like dirt.

I know I had that nice thing with Mr Geek, but there was no spark between us and it would have been horrible for me to go along with things and mess him about.

Meanwhile, again, I'm just left thinking what's wrong with me and why can't a man just accept me for who I am, and will I ever get the love I want?

It's my birthday next month (I'm going to be 28) and I'm just picturing myself going into my 30's in a couple of years time without having that special relationship, especially as I want a family one day as well.

I'm really sorry for another sad post guys, I'm just really up and down with at the moment.💔

@onwards So you told him about your CP, and he's not even had the decency to reply?! Even if it changed things for him, he should have the balls to own it. I feel angry for you! I absolutely hate ignorant people. X

Anyone been on a date with someone they're 110% sure is out of their league!? I matched with someone on tinder, let's call him Mr Gorgeous because that is very fitting! Tall, dark, handsome..sure he has his pick on the apps! Young divorced dad. Get on well, he's asked to meet after Easter when he's next child free. I've obviously said yes but now I'm majorly overthinking it. Is this my low self esteem talking OR is this a sensible way to get out of being rejected lol!!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Mr GC not replying to your message says everything about who he is and nothing about you.

Even if your messsge was a shock to him a normal person would have thanked you for telling him and either carried on chatting and hopefully a meet or said that he was no longer interested.
Only a w⚓ ignores things completely.

OLD is brutal and you need a heart of stone, even then its hard not to take ignoring/ghosting as a personal affront.

One day you will meet someone who wants you for you, please do not give up hope.

What is your life like generally? Do you have friends and hobbies?
Hopefully with restrictions easing you will be able to get out to see friends.

💕💕

@Dancerinthemoonlight Definitely not overly harsh.
His comments about it all just go to show what kind of person he is.

Even before the recent case most men cared about womens safety, clearly this man is thinking with his dick and not his head.

@havecourage8bekind Its your low self esteem talking, how do you know he isn't thinking the same about you?
What if you're too good for him?

Do you know the reasons for your low self esteem?

Just opened Instagram @onwards and this quote popped up - "one day when you least expect it, you're going to crash into someone who is going to be so soft and gentle with your heart, and you are going to be so glad you kept it open. You are going to be so glad that you continued to fight - that you believed you deserved more" VERY FITTING! I agree with PP who said it says everything about him and nothing about you. Keep the hope & be glad this one showed his ignorant colours early. Xx