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Original poster

So I’m 2 weeks postnatal and he’s just had a go at me that we’ve not done anything sexual..

428 replies

Coveredindaisies · 19/03/2021 15:28

I’m gobsmacked. Apparently I make him feel invisible. I’m breastfeeding round the clock. I’m knackered. I lost my mum 2 months ago and feel down and full of grief. I thought I was doing ok: I cuddle him when I’ve finally got the baby down to sleep. I feel overwhelmed having a new baby but I’m just about keeping on top of everything. He said he runs around all day and I should want to do something for him. Sat in tears wondering whether I should be considering breaking my family up before my son even turns one month old because it turns out my husband is an arse. What would you do in my situation? All I could do when he said this to me was burst out in tears and tell him it was massively unfair. But in actual fact I genuinely feel like this is LTB stuff. Sorry for the rant. I’d just like some perspective on whether it’ll right and it is indeed outrageous.

OP posts:
anameIcallmyself · 20/03/2021 09:01

@Coveredindaisies

He got more worked up when I burst out in tears. Apparently doesn’t have to be full sex but I could at least touch him... Angry
"Lets put things into perspective. I've very recently popped a human being out of my fanny and you want me to touch you? At the moment I'm more likely to cut off your balls than satisfy your needs. My needs are more essential right now. I need to recover physically, mentally and emotionally. I'll let you know when I'm recovered and ready. These two things may not happen at the same time. So for now piss off."
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 20/03/2021 09:07

if my daughter in law told me this I'd totally lose my shit at my son. But he wouldn't do this because he is a sensitive man and understands boundaries and being considerate of other peoples feelings.

VerityWibbleWobble · 20/03/2021 09:33

How are you doing this morning Op?

I can't believe the volume of women on here with such low bars, it's incredibly sad that women are being coerced into sex because they believe their useless, shitty partners deserve it.

frazzledasarock · 20/03/2021 09:36

Don’t leave your house, pick his bags tell him to go.

Get yourself a shit hot lawyer.

He’s not a keeper

Benjispruce2 · 20/03/2021 09:38

Your gut reaction was right, he’s an arse! I’m sorry for you.

raincamepouringdown · 20/03/2021 09:41

@fedup078

I could have written this My mum died unexpectedly a week after my baby was born About a week later I'm crawling into bed after finally getting the baby to sleep and dh asks me when I think we can start having sex again and then he gets all upset and says he's sad and I need to make him feel better I could have put him through the wall
Wow. Can't imagine a marriage surviving that level of selfishness. Just wow.
fedup078 · 20/03/2021 09:48

@raincamepouringdown hes moving out in 2 weeks

MyOtherProfile · 20/03/2021 09:48

Hope you're feeling stronger this morning OP. Also hope you send him off to give you a break rather than you having to do it.

jellybe · 20/03/2021 09:51

OP I hope you have gone to your mums flat for some space a nd made it clear to him why you have gone.

In the long term you need to think about what you want. Is this a man you want to be raising your child with?

Cokie3 · 20/03/2021 10:08

@jellybe No way, the last thing she should be doing is leaving, HE should be staying with some friends and give her some space. Why the hell should she leave the house? Especially when she has everything for the baby at her house? I'm bewildered by people saying she should go to her mum's flat. She needs to stay put, right where she is!

Cokie3 · 20/03/2021 10:10

@frazzledasarock

Don’t leave your house, pick his bags tell him to go.

Get yourself a shit hot lawyer.

He’s not a keeper

Exactly.
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/03/2021 10:17

[quote fedup078]@raincamepouringdown hes moving out in 2 weeks [/quote]
Well I would say I'm pleased to hear this, but of course it's sad that he's such a selfish prick.

Well done you for offloading the sack of shit though. Thanks

GothamGirl1970 · 20/03/2021 10:22

What the ACTUAL F*!

Ask him to go get circumcised and then demand sex.

Seriously thought that’s horrible you poor thing.

He has to go.

Deadringer · 20/03/2021 10:28

I would touch him all right, with a fucking hammer!
It's his whole attitude isn't it, to you, to sex, it's disgusting. And no most men aren't like this, most men understand that sex is something you enjoy together when you both want it, and not a service that he is entitled to or can earn.

MaLarkinn · 20/03/2021 11:32

I have such rage reading this. What an utter cunt!!!!!
If I knew you in real life I would offer you my home to stay in, heal from birth and enjoy your baby without thus sex pest, bell end breathing down your neck.

updownroundandround · 20/03/2021 12:13

@Coveredindaisies

I hope you have either gone to your mums flat, or packed his bag and told him to leave your house, just so you can have some peace and time to think over the weekend. (not that 2 week old infants will let you get much rest)

You have said that, looking back, the relationship has always been based around his needs, and it is incredibly important that you recognize this now, because your life has changed because you have a new baby to consider. It appears clear that he still believes that you should be focusing all your love and attention on him. He doesn't want his life to change, or for your focus to be shared with anyone else, even his own son.

He will never truly believe that he is not the center of the universe, and he will continue to make both you and your DS miserable by making you both feel guilty because he is not getting his needs met, 24hrs a day, 365 days a week. This 'type' of men are usually the ones who manufacture arguments on birthdays/ Xmas etc, simply to ruin it for everyone else just because they are not the 'center of attention'!

E.g

  • Night feeds will be your problem to sort, and any lack of sleep he suffers will be your fault.
  • childcare will be your problem to find and finance.
  • you will be paying for all DC's clothes/ toys etc
  • you will have to take DC out when he wants peace/ quiet.
  • you will have to take a sleeping DC out at night to pick him up from nights out
  • you will never be able to have free time/ leisure time
-you will always be responsible for everything to do with DC, as well as the home/ work etc
  • If he's not the center of attention, expect retribution or manufactured arguments, because how dare you!

The list will be endless, but basically, he will never be a loving/ thoughtful partner who is prepared to put his own son before himself.

You need to give yourself time to adjust to motherhood, as well as a chance to grieve properly for your own DM. Unfortunately, he will not allow this, as it's not important to him at all. So get away from him for a few weeks (at least), to give yourself at least some time to consider your feelings, and to decide what steps to take next. You owe it to yourself and your son to take care of you first ! (and quite frankly, he can fuck off out the house, then fuck off down the street, then fuck off some more !)

tara66 · 20/03/2021 12:15

Tell him to leave your house. Who needs a man like that? Absolutely appalling.

raincamepouringdown · 20/03/2021 12:17

[quote fedup078]@raincamepouringdown hes moving out in 2 weeks [/quote]
Wishing you and your little one happiness. You deserve so much more than someone who is only about themselves.

LadyGAgain · 20/03/2021 12:47

Congratulations on the arrival of your son. I'm so sorry about your mum Thanks. It must be such a challenging time for you with a real conflict of emotions.
You sound lovely and like you're coping very well in such difficult circumstances.
Please don't leave your home. Tell him to go and stay elsewhere and he can explain why, 2 weeks post partum he has been asked to stay elsewhere. No reasonable human will think he is anything other than a total dick. He needs to give his head a wobble and rethink things. If unable to see any different perspective then he stays away. You are worth more. As is your son.

Trustisamust · 20/03/2021 13:27

I'm 10 months pp, bed sharing and breastfeeding throughout the night still with no intentions to stop until baby is at least three.
So husband doesn't get much of me at all still and won't for the foreseeable!
He is luckily very supportive and recognises our daughter needs.
2 wks pp is nothing OP. Be kind to yourself xx

Mwnci123 · 20/03/2021 21:35

I'm sorry you lost your mum op, and that you weren't able to share your lovely new baby with her and have her support. It must be so hard.

Your husband is of course behaving extremely badly. His behaviour isn't normal. I hope you're ok.

mathanxiety · 20/03/2021 22:47

@fedup078 - where is this posted?

mathanxiety · 20/03/2021 22:47

i.e. that he's moving out

fedup078 · 20/03/2021 22:50

@mathanxiety my h is moving out not the op's.

DeeCeeCherry · 20/03/2021 22:54

takingmytimeonmyride
Wow. You've just lost your mum and had a baby and all he can think about is how he hasn't had sex recently?

This

He is callous. I'd find this repulsive and not want to spend my life with someone like that. Unkind people are awful to be around.

Words can be wounds as much as actions.

Sorry for loss of your Mum OP. Hopefully you can find some comfort in your newborn baby