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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So I’m 2 weeks postnatal and he’s just had a go at me that we’ve not done anything sexual..

428 replies

Coveredindaisies · 19/03/2021 15:28

I’m gobsmacked. Apparently I make him feel invisible. I’m breastfeeding round the clock. I’m knackered. I lost my mum 2 months ago and feel down and full of grief. I thought I was doing ok: I cuddle him when I’ve finally got the baby down to sleep. I feel overwhelmed having a new baby but I’m just about keeping on top of everything. He said he runs around all day and I should want to do something for him. Sat in tears wondering whether I should be considering breaking my family up before my son even turns one month old because it turns out my husband is an arse. What would you do in my situation? All I could do when he said this to me was burst out in tears and tell him it was massively unfair. But in actual fact I genuinely feel like this is LTB stuff. Sorry for the rant. I’d just like some perspective on whether it’ll right and it is indeed outrageous.

OP posts:
Lara53 · 19/03/2021 21:29

What an arsehole!!! My mum died almost 8 years ago and I’m still grieving - he sounds like an insensitive pig who does not value you as a person.

Scottishskifun · 19/03/2021 21:31

Personally if my DH said anything like that 2 weeks after having my son he would have been out of the door!

Its completely unacceptable and horrific behaviour! Pull him up on it!

chopsticksgalore · 19/03/2021 21:34

Wow! He is an absolute tosser! Open door, foot up ass, out he goes

Lbnc2021 · 19/03/2021 21:36

OP my exhusband was like this, went in a full on strop because I didn’t want to have sex with him 3 weeks after giving birth via c section to twins. I done it just to shut him up, I feel sick now thinking about it. Was just one of the many reasons he’s an exhusband. He was an absolute creep. I’m so glad I got rid of him.

winterchills · 19/03/2021 21:38

I would definitely leave the bastard he sounds vile. Sorry OP 🥺

AdaFuckingShelby · 19/03/2021 21:41

Men are such selfish pricks. 2 weeks post natal and all he can think about it his ego. IME men can't cope when your attention is elsewhere, even if it's is on their children. Pathetic.

VaryCherry · 19/03/2021 21:44

Everyone is different. I have had 4 children (all boys) and my sex drive I found actually increased during my pregnancies at times. We had intercourse during all 4 pregnancies, and found giving him daily blowjobs kept both of us happy and satisfied. I have friends who were the opposite and had no sex drive at all during pregnancies. It just works different for everyone.

speakout · 19/03/2021 21:44

Men are such selfish pricks.
Such a sexist statement.
AdaFuckingShelby I feel very sorry for a life experience that has led you to this attitude.

Tootyfilou · 19/03/2021 21:44

Oh OP I am so so sorry for you. Reading this has brought me to tears. So sorry for the loss of your mum, you must miss her so much at this time. Congratulations on the birth of your son, it's unbelievable that your partner is causing you even more anguish. Have you any siblings to support you?

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 19/03/2021 21:47

I'd probably have killed him by now.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 19/03/2021 21:47

At any rate if he was mine he'd regret the day he was born behaving like this.

georgarina · 19/03/2021 21:51

Oh God I remember a similar situation with my ex. I was on a really demanding job with a horrible boss, new baby, and completely exhausted. Meanwhile he would demand intimacy but not in a way that made me into it at all...just made me turned off like it was something I had to do.

We actually broke up.

Hope you're ok OP, and good luck x

ArabellaScott · 19/03/2021 21:52

Plenty of good men out there who are perfectly capable of respecting their partners. Nobody should settle for shit behaviour because they think it's a male trait. It's a dick trait.

jessstan2 · 19/03/2021 22:04

@VaryCherry

Everyone is different. I have had 4 children (all boys) and my sex drive I found actually increased during my pregnancies at times. We had intercourse during all 4 pregnancies, and found giving him daily blowjobs kept both of us happy and satisfied. I have friends who were the opposite and had no sex drive at all during pregnancies. It just works different for everyone.
The op isn't talking about pregnancy, plenty of people enjoy sex whilst pregnant; her husband wants sex two weeks after her giving birth, stitches and all! She hasn't healed yet.
Wishihadanalgorithm · 19/03/2021 22:12

Oh OP, you poor thing.

I would be telling him to get to fuck!

At the moment you are the most vulnerable you are ever going to be in your life and you need support not this shit.

You need people around you who can support you so I’d suggest turning to friends and family right now and asking for help. As for this Prince among men, TBH, I wouldn’t even acknowledge his presence.

Go to your mum’s flat if you think it will help you and just focus on your newborn and yourself.

I’m not saying LTB yet but once you feel stronger it might be time to think about whether you want to stay with this man.

Tavannach · 19/03/2021 22:23

He’s bang out of order. I wouldn’t put up with that.
Go to your mum’s and use any quiet time to have a real think about how you want to move forward. Would he go to counselling? Do you have to sell your mum’s flat? Could you rent it out to provide extra income?
The problem is if he thinks like that it’s difficult to see how he’ll be able to be a real partner. The pestering for sex would be bad enough two weeks after a new baby but with your mum’s death as well I think it’s unforgivable.
Flowers

Tubs11 · 19/03/2021 22:28

Bloody hell, 2 weeks post birth I could barely walk let alone think about sex!

Casade · 19/03/2021 22:29

Tell him to have a w@nk and get used to it cos that’s all he will be getting! Terrible behaviour! Sending 😘

Druidlookingidiot · 19/03/2021 22:33

I didn’t want sex for months and months, after giving birth. Two weeks is nothing. I’m so sorry about your mum @Coveredindaisies🌺

caringcarer · 19/03/2021 22:35

You should tell him you are still sore and he can sort himself out for a few more weeks.

Druidlookingidiot · 19/03/2021 22:35

@VaryCherry

Everyone is different. I have had 4 children (all boys) and my sex drive I found actually increased during my pregnancies at times. We had intercourse during all 4 pregnancies, and found giving him daily blowjobs kept both of us happy and satisfied. I have friends who were the opposite and had no sex drive at all during pregnancies. It just works different for everyone.
Are you on the right thread? I’m sure the ‘no empathy’ thread is running smoothly somewhere else.
Druidlookingidiot · 19/03/2021 22:37

@speakout

Men are such selfish pricks. Such a sexist statement. AdaFuckingShelby I feel very sorry for a life experience that has led you to this attitude.
Quite correct in this context, actually.
Cadent · 19/03/2021 22:38

@speakout

Men are such selfish pricks. Such a sexist statement. AdaFuckingShelby I feel very sorry for a life experience that has led you to this attitude.
So we need NAMALT on every thread?
monicacat · 19/03/2021 22:40

Give him a dirty old dock and tell him to get on with it. Make sure it's his own sock.

monicacat · 19/03/2021 22:40

Meant sock

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