Page 7 | He did the mash. The Geller mash.

StuckInPollyannaMode · 2021-03-12T15:55:09+00:00

Thread 4. Wow. Thank you for putting up with my ramblings thus far, and for all the support - I couldn't have done it without you all. Previous thread [[https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a4152048-Don-t-mention-the-jasmine here]] I can confirm he has purchased a masher. He sent me a picture of it and asked if it was alright [confused]

RandomMess · 15/03/2021 08:06

@SpringCrocus tbf therapy cats are just regular pet cats treated like regular pet cats that deign to like the people they were bought for and spend time with them.

Those breeds are known for bonding with their humans rather than being aloof.

No cat could or should be trained to spend time with a human they don't want to.

Mix56 · 15/03/2021 08:13

Vizzla....
We have had 3 german pointers, essentially same kind of dogs.
Ours love our children, they were all babies, toddlers, & young'uns together... but we are dog people, I was home alot to limit the damage & we live in open countryside, they were never "walked round the block" they were working dogs, highly intelligent ( also used a guard dogs & sniffer dogs) & an absolute joy. ( have one sleeping here 13 year old lady now)
But they incredibly strong, fast, & big teeth! need training, if not they dominate, they need to run, a lot. They can create havoc.

Clutterbugsmum · 15/03/2021 08:58

He doing it again isn't He.

Whatever Polly does she going to be blamed for not getting a dog.

I would do two things.

I would explain to DD that IF and it's a big IF that daddy get a dog then it is solely his responsibility and it will be living with daddy fulltime and will not be at your house. Use the fact that because it is a rental an not your own house that you can not have pets.

I would also send him an Email stating that you and DD will not have responsibility, looking after or costs of any dog that he choses to buy.

I would also ask your lawyer about this issue, just to make sure he can't force you to look after it at anytime.

But hopefully your friend can explain that Geller would not be a good dog owner and they don't give him the dog.

VettiyaIruken · 15/03/2021 09:21

Oh yes, totally agree with pp, he'll be expecting to get the initial gratitude and brownie points from the kids but try to Palm The Dog That Daddy Got Us on you.

You need to say that any dog he gets, he keeps. It will not, under any circumstances, set foot in your house, nor will you contribute to its care in any way.

RandomMess · 15/03/2021 09:29

I don't think Polly should say anything to him, it's not her business she just makes it clear to the DC that it will be Daddy's dog and it can't come to her house as it's rented and not allowed plus Mummy doesn't have the time or money to have a dog at the moment. You can even be "lucky Daddy that he can get a dog"

Saying something to Gellar is acting as if they are still a couple.

CommanderBurnham · 15/03/2021 09:49

I think he's bluffing about the dog. I'm concerned he's doing it to wind you up and get a reaction. It's attention seeking behaviour.

Hopefully as soon as he realises about inoculations, puppy training etc he'll back off.

Try and prepare the girls for that. Maybe temper their expectations a bit.

Try to rise above it. Sounds like his twattery is something that can rear it's ugly head anytime, and the only thing you can do is control your reaction to it.

You are doing amazingly. He knows it and can't handle it. Just keep going.

Pippapotomus · 15/03/2021 10:10

Hello, long time lurker here.

I suspect the mention of a puppy is to force a reaction, his new masher didn't do the job so he's doing more to get attention.

Ignore and ignore.

purplecorkheart · 15/03/2021 10:15

I bet the breeder is going to be very surprised when she hears about the puppy. Most likely he has heard about the puppies and is just saying that to get a reaction from you. Sadly I can see him in a few weeks him saying to your dds in a few week that some perceived bad behaviour will cause him not to get the puppy.

drspouse · 15/03/2021 10:18

@SpringCrocus

Really uncomfortable with the talk of animals as somehow being "support" aids. Animals have autonomy, individual personalities and should not be used to support children (or adults) in this way. An yes, have children With ASD and other diagnoses, still not comfortable with this re. Animals

We have a cat because we want a cat*, and we chose cats that would get along with our family - cats are well able to absent themselves and make their wishes plain if they are uncomfortable, and both of ours have done so. Nevertheless, our DCs learning how to get along with cats is good for them.

*We actually got our first cat because we wanted a rat-free house and I'd been nagging for years to get a cat.

MangoBiscuit · 15/03/2021 10:18

Eugh. ExH did some shit like this. I wanted a dog for years, but he always said no. Then I upped my hours to fulltime, which ruled it out.
I said we could get a rescue cat in our new house. Ex says they'll be able to get a dog. I totally ignore it. We get our lovely, fluffy rescue boy, and Ex is cross! And they get a hamster. (which mysteriously disappeared a few months later 😞)

He never wanted a pet, just wanted to get one up on me, and was furious when I stuck to what I said, and got my cat. Dickhead.

drspouse · 15/03/2021 10:20

No cat could or should be trained to spend time with a human they don't want to.
Oh gosh yes, good luck to anyone trying to train a cat to be a support animal!

Theunamedcat · 15/03/2021 10:22

Strange how they break out in dogs isnt it? My ex got a dog neglected it got rid of it now he has a puppy he doesn't even have a permanent address or a job (according to hmrc) but he can get a Romanian rescue dog? Tries to tempt the children with her they are scared of dogs my eldest will play with her but the youngest is a flapper and a squealer which means the dog thinks he is playing dog jumps up he freaks and runs its a recipe for disaster

crackingcrackers · 15/03/2021 10:26

I'm not sure he's bluffing about the dog. I think he's doing what he always does and will jump head first into something he thinks he can handle, but can't. By the sounds of things the outcome will be that he'll be completely puzzled as to why the dog isn't doing exactly as commanded with no real effort on his part to train it. Many texts will be sent to Polly about how HARD it is and how SAD he is that the dog has let him down. That it's the dog's, DDs', Polly's (anyone else's) fault that he has to give the dog up because he either got a dud puppy, or nobody bothered to make him aware of what's required to be a good dog owner. I obviously do not believe this to be true, but very much believe that's how he'll react. Just imagine the email he will send the the original owner. I'm cringing in anticipation.

But I also see your worry about safety for your DDs when it comes to an untrained dog. I just don't think he'll get that far though. There's always proffesional behaviour training for dogs, which might be worth suggesting via someone else if he does. But perhaps prep the girls for the dog not being a permanent fixture in their lives if he goes ahead and the word from the friend to the puppy bestower doesn't come off.

I am also sorry to hear how he hurt your daughter with the way he received his gift. It's ridiculous, and sad, that he did that. Maybe just remind your daughter about the fact that giving a gift in itself is a wonderful thing to do (and maybe leave it hanging that people who don't graciously accept gifts from their gorgeous and kind kids are self entitled jerks).

frazzledasarock · 15/03/2021 12:08

I think he’ll get a dog as well, just as a means to babysit the kids, so he won’t need to entertain the girls himself. In his head at least that what he thinks will happen.

Only reason I think speaking to SHL about finances is a good idea is because a 3k dog will eat into finances and ex cannot keep spending from the family pot. It’s not all his to do so. In Pollys shoes I’d ask what can be done to prevent unnecessary large expenses which will affect the final financial settlement.

I don’t think there’s any harm in the friend speaking to the breeder either. Mainly as ex seems to be using Polly and the girls as a way of getting Polly’s friends to run around after him. Finding out exactly what’s going on can’t hurt.

Peace43 · 15/03/2021 12:24

My ex husband is a “let you down” sort of guy. When we split up I spent 12 months trying to stop him letting our DD down. It culminated in my booking and paying for the summer holiday they were to have last year. He chose it and up until the week before he wanted to go. He took DD down his mums (holiday place was nearby so they could see relatives). They never went on the holiday. When he dropped off DD she burst into tears and cried all the way home. He’s forgotten to pick her up from school, ruined her school uniform in the wash, promised to take her places then backed out, not washed her clothes that fit so she has to wear old stuff or not change for the weekend. Now he’s quit his job so he’s running out of money.

It took me a year to realise I couldn’t control him when we were married and I sure as hell can’t do it now we aren’t. I do my best to manage DDs expectations and to support her when things go wrong but I have taken a big step back from trying to help ex-H.

DD (10) gets let down and one day may not want to go anymore and when that day comes I’ll support her as best I can.

You can’t fix Geller. You can’t make him do and say the right stuff for the kids. All you can do is give them a safe place to come hone to.

Guiltypleasures001 · 15/03/2021 14:39

I think he's going to get a dog, then say he can't keep it, then tell the girls ask mum if you can take it home.

Muuuuuum, tantrum tantrum 😱

billy1966 · 15/03/2021 16:12

@Guiltypleasures001

I also think that the dog could be used to mess with the OP if he goes ahead with it.

The OP stating clearly it is nothing whatsoever to do with her on a loop IS the best way to manage it.

At least the owner can be informed is the poor dog is being poorly looked after.
He can't look after himself, his daughter's, not to mind a dog.

What a tit!🙄

TigsytheTiger · 15/03/2021 16:17

I don't think he'll get a dog, I think he's future faking your DD's to keep their interest, attention, excitement as if he is some sort of best parent competition with you (someone tell him he lost that one a long time ago).

Next it will be looking at holidays and getting them all excited before he decides he can't afford it, and on it goes ....

Guiltypleasures001 · 15/03/2021 18:07

I think the op should start gently telling the kids that the dog will not be living at the house should it go tits up. Manage expectations, future proof the idea with the kids

Ide put money on him getting one, or reverse psychology the op by saying oh my work hrs mean I can't get one after all, ask mum.

Original poster

StuckInPollyannaMode · 15/03/2021 18:09

Stand down, folks.

There is no dog.

Well, there is, but her puppies were all spoken for ages ago and when Running Friend gently enquired as to whether a hound was going to Geller, Mrs Vizsla snorted and said an emphatic no.

Geller does not know that I know this. So he’s either trying to play with my mind or play with the kids.

I have a cat, I’m not getting another animal, she’s high maintenance enough as it is!

Been an up and down day. This morning I decided to step away from the thread as I was actually pretty upset. Then I realised just how much of a support you have all been over the last year - all comments, both positive and negative - have really helped me to get some perspective and enabled me to vent when to do so in real life isn’t the right thing to do.

To the naysayers, thank you for keeping me balanced and giving me an alternative view. I do appreciate it. I’m still learning how to do all this!

OP posts:

RandomMess · 15/03/2021 18:14

Thank goodness that dog owner snorted!! He clearly does not have people fooled.

It does demonstrate how much you just need to parent the DDs and only "control" things in your home. Let Geller sink or swim with your comment to the DDs being very non-committal and just listen and let them pour out to you.

You will always being carrying the emotional mental load for the DDs but you know that as Geller truly believes only his needs matter.

CongealedCrags · 15/03/2021 18:20

So is he just lying about the dog, or does he actually believe he's getting one, or is he messing with you?

Worra twat. Because it's the girls that are going to get upset.

toolatetofixate · 15/03/2021 18:21

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Stand down, folks.

There is no dog.

Well, there is, but her puppies were all spoken for ages ago and when Running Friend gently enquired as to whether a hound was going to Geller, Mrs Vizsla snorted and said an emphatic no.

Geller does not know that I know this. So he’s either trying to play with my mind or play with the kids.

I have a cat, I’m not getting another animal, she’s high maintenance enough as it is!

Been an up and down day. This morning I decided to step away from the thread as I was actually pretty upset. Then I realised just how much of a support you have all been over the last year - all comments, both positive and negative - have really helped me to get some perspective and enabled me to vent when to do so in real life isn’t the right thing to do.

To the naysayers, thank you for keeping me balanced and giving me an alternative view. I do appreciate it. I’m still learning how to do all this!

Mumsnet can be champ for support. Just remember that this is your life, not other people's entertainment- although the way you write is very entertaining!

billy1966 · 15/03/2021 18:27

Well if he knows the puppies are already gone but has told you he's going to be buying one, then he is trying to mess with you and doesn't care if he upsets the children.

If true, he truly is a fxxkwit.

LannieDuck · 15/03/2021 18:52

I don't believe he has any idea the puppies have gone. He just assumed everyone would facilitate it for him... just like he expected you and your friends to provide him with a masher.

And I have a theory that he didn't particularly want a dog. But he wants you back (hence the constant messages), and he remembers that you wanted a dog...so when he heard about the puppies he thought he'd get one. And bonus points for happy kids.

I doubt he's given it any more thought than that.