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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He did the mash. The Geller mash.

938 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 12/03/2021 15:55

Thread 4. Wow. Thank you for putting up with my ramblings thus far, and for all the support - I couldn't have done it without you all.

Previous thread here

I can confirm he has purchased a masher. He sent me a picture of it and asked if it was alright Confused

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
katmarie · 16/04/2021 06:36

I suspect his diatribe in person is because he's not getting the response he wants any more from his emails and texts.

drspouse · 16/04/2021 06:45

Good point @katmarie.

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 16/04/2021 07:39

He turned up because he ‘assumed’ we had a meeting in the diary. The meeting I had refused to have.

He is convinced they will end up at the school within walking distance of his house. Let me say this now, over my dead body are they going there. They are sitting for 2 grammars and he hadn’t even thought about catchment when he moved. He could have moved one village over and they could have got into a super secondary. I’m trying to hedge my bets and keep options open in case they don’t get into the grammar. The secondary I found thanks to someone in the village recommending it is 11 miles away (so I’d never even thought of looking there) and they take from out of catchment as we’re rural with not enough children to fill their places. It sounds super. All I asked was for him to consider it.

Parenting split currently 65% to me. I’m not shifting on that at all except more in my favour.

In light of that, is his proposed split of summer activities and additional costs fair? He only wants to pay half. Given he earns over 4x what I do...

Suspect SHL on holiday this week as not heard from her. Well, I’ve my bags packed and I’ll be heading off myself shortly. Only positive thoughts allowed.

Having said that, I’m still fucking RAGING about the holiday. Not his place at all. Just goes to show I can’t trust him at all, but we knew that, didn’t we?!

Right. Time to get my game face on and then Thumb time.

OP posts:
harknesswitch · 16/04/2021 07:49

Have a lovely time OP Thanks

RandomMess · 16/04/2021 07:50

Any future meeting demands I guess you need to reply "No and do not come to my home". I can see you ending up needing to a non harassment order against him - same old MO he doesn't listen and just carries on doing what he wants!!

You can move (within reason) to where you want to abs perhaps into the catchment area of great non-selective secondary school? How realistic is Grammar school for both DDs? The one here is so competitive.

School holidays I would give him 45% of the time in full weeks (or is he supposed to have more) and you each pay for the childcare you use? I assume you will use some leave to spend time with them abs he will likely use non?

I would be having full weeks/fortnight splits of the school holidays rather than the chopping and changing and switching between homes, better for the DC. I thought the plan was 50% each of the school hols?

SenselessUbiquity · 16/04/2021 08:04

Oh gosh I had never seen these threads before. i haven't read the lot but I have read enough to say GO POLLY. And now my breff is all bated about the FWB sitch

timeisnotaline · 16/04/2021 08:44

Re paying half for the holidays, does that mean he can just book expensive stuff Monday through to Friday on his weeks, while you are probably spending some time with them on your weeks. So you’re basically paying his childcare? If the split isn’t 50/50 it isnt quite fair on you to say you each pay for your own either so not sure what is the best solution here...

frazzledasarock · 16/04/2021 09:49

You need a bigger financial settlement than splitting everything 50:50. I think also increase contact time the girls spend with you, his parenting is so shit.

For school choose the one that is best for the girls needs and where they will thrive. Geller can tell you whatever he wants about where he wants them to go. Ignore him.
Your girls will need a school they can eventually commute to themselves, and nearer to their main living place because they will want to do sleepovers and attend parties of school friends. The parent who lives nearer the secondary school will end up being the main carer by default as the girls will prefer that household as it's near friends (IME).

Do you think Geller will stick to the contact or reduce it because he's soooo super duper busy and important and unable to organise anything?

Holidays split them and each of you make your own arrangements, you do not want Geller enrolling girls into activities next door to him and then expecting you pay for half and also run them to the activities on your contact time.
Also it keeps your need to communicate with Geller down.

Enjoy your break.

Lougle · 16/04/2021 10:01

I think you need to reply "I'm sure the girls would love some activities in the holiday. Let's get the arrangements sorted ASAP so you know which weeks you're having them and can book activities - they book up so quickly!"

MelissaVonStressel · 16/04/2021 10:15

Geller isn't going to waste his time doing research on different schools, or even doing the actual application because that's just admin/beneath him/wifework (take your pick) so I wouldn't worry about that. He's not going to go to court over it either, because money. You might need to get something regarding school choice in the CAO though - primary carer has final decision type thing.

As for holidays- do you mean you were both paying 50:50 into a pot? Or you have to pay your 65% of care whereas he gets away with only covering 45% of days? Either way this is why you need a larger financial settlement because he's a much higher earner who is a lazy twat has the lighter childcare load. Given his emotional abuse of the girls and his inability to cope with them, soon he'll be down to EOW (if that) until they can vote with their feet and you need wring him dry to be compensated financially in some way.

Justilou1 · 16/04/2021 10:20

Now I REALLY want to slam the door on his fingers!!!

Justilou1 · 16/04/2021 10:21

Oh, and he is SO transparent, you could use him for double bloody glazing!!!

timeisnotaline · 16/04/2021 10:36

@Justilou1

Oh, and he is SO transparent, you could use him for double bloody glazing!!!
Single glazing justilou, as if he has multiple layers Grin
Justilou1 · 16/04/2021 10:45

Yes... you are very right @timeisnotaline. And it would be very, very drafty!!!

savemefromsearches · 16/04/2021 12:10

Have the best weekend away @StuckInPollyannaMode !

Single glazing - genius 😂😂😂😂

Mix56 · 16/04/2021 12:39

You need to reply,
"the girls need to go to the best possible school possible .
Isn't that what any decent parent would
Want?"

As for a garden.. he simply does not get a vote. Tosser

Have a good w/e, he knows you are away, he will be in constant contact😡
Ignore.

Mix56 · 16/04/2021 12:40

1 too many "Possible"s !

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 16/04/2021 13:51

OMG my friends’ flat is beautiful! Little place by the sea my arse 🤣

Eating a hot pasty on the beach watching some rather inept paddle boarders managing to stand up only to immediately fall in again. Just the smell of the sea air is making me feel better.

He doesn’t know I’m away - I haven’t told him or the kids. I’ve made my social media private and blocked him.

Now if you’ll excuse me there’s a large Chelsea bun requiring my attention!

PS no word from FWB.

OP posts:
Justilou1 · 16/04/2021 13:58

Good for you for going! FWB probs chickened out. You’re too much woman for him @StuckInPollyannaMode! (Disappointed you’re not getting some though... 🥲 His loss....) So pleased the house and the bun are divine and the phone is blocked to Geller and his shenanigans! Very smart!!! Who knows who you will meet while wandering confidently along the shore? Tom Hardy? The bloke from Bridgerton? Idris Elba? All three?

AdaThorne · 16/04/2021 14:04

Sea air and a chelsea bun? Sounds blissful! Enjoy a well-earned break from all the shite!

KatherineSiena · 16/04/2021 14:04

Sounds great, enjoy your mini break. It was very wise of you not to warn Geller as to your whereabouts and restrict your social media.

He really is relentless though isn’t he? Utter incompetence coupled with the expectation that you will still manage everything for him and the girls. How you’ve tolerated him for so long is amazing.

WallaceinAnderland · 16/04/2021 17:54

He's not going to go part time. He's not going to make applications to school.

Just like he was never going to get a dog. It's all hot air. Ignore.

Grey rock and carry on regardless. Enjoy your weekend, sounds bliss.

Justilou1 · 17/04/2021 02:52

Should we place bets on how many missed calls @StuckInPollyannaMode will have from Geller when the phone gets switched back on? I’m going for 11 increasingly frantic calls about DD’s terrible behavioural problems and his inability to cope. He will probably panic and show up early wondering where she is.

Starbonnet123 · 17/04/2021 09:55

Hope you're having a perfectly fabulous weekend @StuckInPollyannaMode , it looks like it's going to be a lovely day . Hope you enjoy it Thanks

Mix56 · 17/04/2021 10:29

11 calls,
plus how many messages?
Will he drive over with the Dds in the car & upset them if Polly doesn't respond ?