He did the mash. The Geller mash.

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Thread 4. Wow. Thank you for putting up with my ramblings thus far, and for all the support - I couldn't have done it without you all.

Previous thread here

I can confirm he has purchased a masher. He sent me a picture of it and asked if it was alright

Agree. Court.

OP, he's a waster.

He has utterly failed at his THIRD marriage and has IMO displayed total disregard for his children's wellbeing.

He is NOT a good man.

I don't think for a second he wants his children.
He just doesn't want to pay for them either.

You need to remove ANY emotion and focus on his jugular via your SHL.

You have proof.

His texts that your child has MH problems, yet he wants you to work longer whilst somehow looking after a child he deems to have issues.

He is a Class A fxxker.

Stop engaging and get your SHL to prepare a case for court.

Time to head to court. Mediation will accomplish nothing. He'll always think of a reason to turn down your proposals. He gets great joy in it!

As far as you 'working more' (remembering that I'm in the US) my cousin's lawyer told her specifically NOT to increase her working hours. He said that her ex had no right to demand that she change one single thing about the way she worked or lived as a divorce settlement is based on 'past practices' and the life the children were used to living (she was a SAHM, worked 1 day/wk). Obvs I don't know if UK law sees things the same way, but you need to discuss all this with your solicitor.

yes to court.
also bear in mind that the solicitors letter will all be bastard gellers words, not an ich of legal standing.

but yes. get your solicitor to get a water tight proposal. mention all the stuff you havent, and take this useless unkind fucker to the cleaners

This is now outright war.

Picked the kids up this afternoon, only to find out that following DD1s meltdown and then her refusal to get in the car that he had allowed her to travel 7 miles to a play date without a car seat or booster. In the middle seat. She was at least wearing a seatbelt.

I am so SO done with this SHIT.

Well if you worked more, your salaries might be level. then he wouldnt have to pay as much.
Not sure if this is how it works, but the motivation is to pay less.
Change nothing.

Bloody hell!
I reported a family at DD school who put the child in her class in the car without a seat (to the school). I'm not necessarily suggesting this but would the playdate family confirm?

Crossed post. What I would have done was, tell her "no seat, no play date."
Point.
What a pathetic specimen. plus now she will continue

@WallaceinAnderland

You can't negotiate with him. There's no point even trying. You can, however, ignore his letters, emails and messages and just be guided by your lawyer. Go through the courts as mediation has failed.

I agree. I wasted so much time and money trying to negotiate with my exh. If I had my time again, I'd have gone to court sooner.

Incidentally, it's part of the process to provide property particulars to support your claim for a certain proportion of the assets. You may also have to provide particulars of properties for him (if he hasn't bought somewhere already). In my case it was ... interesting ... to see the kind of places my ex thought I should live in!

He's pushing you to go for "full custody" because he can't be seen as a failed parent

I think this is quite possibly the case but either way he”s still a failure x either he’s a shit parent who is damaging his children or a Court has deemed him an unfit parent. I’d bloody well let a Court deal with him.

I would recommend keeping a diary of everything that happens - money that he’s hiding, children travelling without car seats, things they say when they come home from his - everything. Including dates, times and any witnesses.

Out of interest, who got custody of the children from his previous three (!) divorces? And what was the percentage split of custody between him and the ex wives?
And, how much did he pay each one on divorce? Was it fair, do you think?

I agree our daughter has some minor additional issues which require attention and care. You state these issues are unchecked and embarrassing and you don’t know how to manage. Do I understand that your solution is you continue working 50-60 hours per week AND that I be putting all my efforts to up my working hours so I also can’t care for my daughter as I have been. (Not even going to start with the 10 messages a day I get while I’m trying to work telling me how you can’t cope with parenting).

I have accepted no money from relatives. You have and have not declared it.

My housing details are none of your business.

It is clear that 50/50 custody is completely inappropriate for our daughters. You are not able to care for them, to support them in schooling, in learning emotional regulation. You damage them by losing your temper and shouting abusive things at them and have not sought therapy to better handle your own emotions and not do this.

You poor poor thing. Court is the only answer here, and as others have said discuss everything in the agreement.

Do not reply to him until you have consulted your solicitor.
Keep thinking ahead and imagining the future that you hope for.

@TheSilveryPussycat

Do not reply to him until you have consulted your solicitor. Keep thinking ahead and imagining the future that you hope for.

This.

Although, for the sake of your own sanity, I would write (but under no circumstances send) a response based on how you feel now and completely pull the wanker apart.

Do you even need to acknowledge this? Go straight to solicitor and get her to do this. Everyone’s been expecting this. It just happened sooner rather than later. While you’re furious, channel the rage and ride it straight to the shore! He’s clearly fucked in the head and has shot himself in both feet by sending all these messages to you about your kids. You have the teachers on your side, etc. Just don’t return them to him until mandated by court. They will be calmer, more settled, obviously any signs of MH issues will be much diminished as a result of NOT hanging around with that grub of a man. Send Dd to a counsellor and she can discuss her feelings with them and this can be used to show a) good parenting from you and b) how shit he is.
You’ve got this.

Oh, go back to the school and show the head teacher this message from the fuckwit and explain everything. Tell her that you can no longer continue to send them to him as it’s just cruel. She will be on your side. Let them know you’re going to have to take it to court.

Found you again. I lost this thread (as I see many of us did).

OK so looks like Geller is of the same mould as twatface (hereby tf for typing convenience).

I got accused of having millions hidden (in a super secret pension pot apparently) by tf’s solicitors. Luckily I had pension statements and letters from my pension company stating exactly the amount of my pension.
I remember the judge asking tfs barrister so where is this money you allege she has, barrister shrugged and said we believe she is hiding millions. Both the judge and I shared an exasperated ‘moment’. I’d submitted all my financial documents tf had dragged his feet. So...

I was actually thinking it would be in everyone’s best interest (for you and your girls), if you went for majority of the childcare. He’s really an utterly shit parent. He is causing the girls anxiety and is unable to parent at all.
This latest court document proves it.

Also Polly, go for everything you possibly can including half his pension. Playing nice doesn’t work. Unleash your shit hot solicitor on him. Do not go back to mediation Geller is abusive.

And do not submit any documents about anything to him. If it helps tf demanded I submit proof of how I got legal aid at one point, and ranted about how I was rich so very rich🙄 and I just submit (list of paperwork) directly to his solicitors so he could prove I shouldn’t have got legal aid for the non molestation order. My solicitor told me to ignore it and responded politely that he should get to fuck.

Change the child contact situation using his evidence he isn’t coping. And that he is having a detrimental affect on the girls mental health due to his inability to effectively parent.

Also apply for child maintenance.

Polly seriously in terms of finances go for the jugular, take it to court and aim for getting as much as possible.

He can fuck off about increasing working hours, 25 hours a week is only ten hours away from full time.

He clearly needs to set his sights to cheaper housing if he can’t afford a mortgage on his chosen residence.
His wants are not your problem.

And yes disclose everything you know about him financially.

The £10k should show up in a bank statement somewhere, circle it in pink highlighter and send to your solicitor. Tell your SHL Geller has access to additional funds you do not. And as you’re the main carer and the only one who is able to safely care for your joint DC, you will need to be properly housed. Geller can live in a studio or two bed property he has chosen to move away, you can suggest properties in areas that aren’t as expensive as he would like to live in.

Basically, what @frazzledasarock said... chiseled onto Geller’s face (by your Solicitor, of course!)

Oh, and Geller can live in a mobile home. It doesn’t matter. He won’t affect anyone’s lives for too much longer, I suspect.

DO NOT REPLY

I know it's hard, but try not to get angry. He's lashing out and ramping up the behaviour you left him for.

Your SHL can pop and application into court stating that the parties have been unable to agree financial settlement.

Court is a very blunt tool, but it looks like he's forcing your hand. He won't play fair.

Sending my very best wishes to you and your girls. This will be over soon.

@Mix56

Well if you worked more, your salaries might be level. then he wouldnt have to pay as much. Not sure if this is how it works, but the motivation is to pay less. Change nothing.

yes exactly. the 50-50 starts looking at the total money in the pot, including both wages.

Id be pushing bloody hard and fast to get a diagnosis, even going privately with the most experienced person you can find, because if it turns out that she has big difficulties (my own daughter has PDA ) you may find that secondary school is right off the table and you may need to home educate, which is going to seriously impact your earning and could put you in the spousal payment sphere.

I dont know where you are, but we travelled halfway across the country to get a private diagnosis in Lincoln.

So yes, if your wages are up, it means he pays l;ess.

And as for dictating where you live - that really isnt his business. As if you could just walk into a council home too! You need to REALLY emphasise that you HAD your own home, and he has taken it, by making it impossible for you to live with him. You were self sufficient until he has pulled the rug from under you.

@Justilou1

Oh, go back to the school and show the head teacher this message from the fuckwit and explain everything. Tell her that you can no longer continue to send them to him as it’s just cruel. She will be on your side. Let them know you’re going to have to take it to court.

Just be aware that school cannot refuse to let him pick up the children unless there is a court order in place. Other than sympathy and keeping a close eye on the girls, they will not be able to take sides. Regarding your dd's needs, is she getting any SEND support at school? If not, it would be worth talking to school about what they can do for her in that respect. Ask if you can speak with the PFSA as they can offer lots of advice and support.

I was just thinking about allies in the back pocket

I got letters from school from the class teacher, the head teacher and the school SENCO. Which spoke about my girls behaviour following contact (and days leading up to contact), school SENCO was able to give a very detailed explanation of my DC’s anxiety surrounding contact and how she was working with her to cope.

It basically built up a picture showing that contact was detrimental for my girls. And ultimately stopped direct contact. Which is what was necessary for my DC’s well-being.

I would request a meeting with the head and class teacher and factually explain what is going on and ask if the school has concerns or help to push for a diagnosis for your DD if that’s what you need etc.

It’s best to work with school to ensure the DC are the focus and their needs are met and they’re getting the support they need.

Maybe I'm wrong and will happily stand corrected if this is the case - surely what the RP earns has nothing to do with the expectation that NRP pas towards the upkeep of their children. Polly could be earning £10k per hour for her 25 hrs per week and Geller would still be expected to contribute.

sorry if I'm missing the point....