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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He did the mash. The Geller mash.

938 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 12/03/2021 15:55

Thread 4. Wow. Thank you for putting up with my ramblings thus far, and for all the support - I couldn't have done it without you all.

Previous thread here

I can confirm he has purchased a masher. He sent me a picture of it and asked if it was alright Confused

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Sunbird24 · 09/04/2021 01:43

Happens to me too - usually when I’ve just commented on a thread!

Justilou1 · 09/04/2021 05:54

My watching page keeps coming and going!

SpringCrocus · 09/04/2021 07:16

Same here

DartmoorDoughnut · 09/04/2021 07:47

Found you! Happened to me too.

Hope you’re doing ok Polly

FelicityPike · 09/04/2021 08:05

Me too

Starbonnet123 · 09/04/2021 09:12

Thanks all , I'm glad it's not just me . I would hate to loose Polly after all this time Smile

Starbonnet123 · 09/04/2021 09:21

Omg what is wrong with mn site at the moment you all keep disappearing ? I commented this morning only for the thread to vanish again .

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 09/04/2021 15:15

Oh. My. God.

I am so SO angry.

The nisi has been granted - thank god.

He has rejected my financial proposal. He wants to go back to mediation. His solicitors letter is extraordinary.

It includes a demand for me to work more, and evidence the efforts I have made over the last 6 months to increase my hours and earning potential. That I should supply property particulars of houses I consider suitable to house myself, including shared ownership properties and council properties. An allegation that I have income from other sources including family and that I am not declaring them (not true).

He has sent me frankly unbelievable messages about the children today. He states that DD1 is a problem. That her mental health issues are unchecked and embarrassing. That she is destroying his house. That he literally doesn't doesn't know what to do and he is so frustrated.

I'm inclined to take him to court. He's not going to listen. He won't compromise or negotiate or see what is fair. HE has accepted money from HIS family - 5 figures worth - NOT me.

I also think I need to start thinking about whether I go for primary custody or whatever it's called and remove the children from him. This is happening all the time. It's not fair on the children - last time he lost his shit he told them they were responsible for the divorce.

OP posts:
Pashazade · 09/04/2021 15:26

Oh Polly that must be so maddening. I think I'd be considering sole custody too, can't help thinking he must be saying some awful stuff to the girls, given what he's happy to say to you and has said to them in the past. It's obviously all still about control, the stuff about housing is bizarre. Glad the Nisi is granted. But sounds like he's content to play around otherwise. Not having done it I don't know if court is the best route but sounds like it might be the only way to get things settled. GinThanks

Belleende · 09/04/2021 15:28

Yep time to head to the courts. Fuckers like him will just drag things on and on and on. My sisters ex H did this, he reneged on 3 negotiated settlements, she gave in on practically everything to just get things done, and then in the middle of the last set of negotiations he petitioned the court directly, without informing either his own solicitor or my sisters - because he wanted to buy a house, and things weren't moving swiftly enough for him (it had been dragging on for 8 years at this point). Take matters into your own hands, it will cost, but it will be worth it.

I bet you my bottom dollar his solicitor is telling him that what he is asking for is total bollocks and no court in the land will grant him it, but he, of course, knows better.

In terms of your girls, I think only you know best there. Maybe getting some professional input would help you decide what is best for them. He is clearly not a perfect dad, but being on your own with 2 kids full time and no respite is no cake walk. Perhaps there is a middle way were you have them 80% of the time and him 20. Limits the damage and gives you a break so you can be the mum you need to be.

FelicityPike · 09/04/2021 16:07

Definitely time for court!

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 09/04/2021 16:09

I’ve accepted no money off anyone. In spite of it being offered. I am not viewing nor have I viewed any properties as until the financial statement is agreed I will not know what is sensible. He, on the other hand, has accepted over 10k from family which he has not declared. Apparently his mortgage is due to go up by £200 pm shortly.

I work 25 hours a week. Given its part time and fits entirely around the children as I am primary carer, I earn a decent wage. If he would care to explain how he expected me to work more hours during a global pandemic whilst homeschooling the children so that he could work 50 / 60 hours a week, I’m all ears. I am working more and trying to win new contracts but that is none of his business and doesn’t affect what I bought into the marriage. Which included MY house which HE moved into. He didn’t have a house when I met him, he was in rented.

Frankly he can fuck off to the far side of fuck and when he gets there, fuck off some more.

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 09/04/2021 16:26

Why do you have to work more?
I don’t get it..

DartmoorDoughnut · 09/04/2021 16:40

Tell him to get to fuck and fight the fucker for everything you and the girls deserve and need. Bollocks to mediation that only works with reasonable people not narcissistic twats like him

Mix56 · 09/04/2021 16:48

Fuck him. I agree that there is no point in trying to justify or reason with him
He is completely unreasonable, call your sol, tell him/her that you are going straight for the throat.
make sure the SHL knows about the house belonging to you originally & that he has had this windfall.
As for the girls, has he been saying this stuff in writing? if not try & get him to respond to an email with his allegations... use it against him.
He is incapable, unkind & realistically is doing them harm

FelicityPike · 09/04/2021 16:52

@Mix56 “ He is incapable, unkind & realistically is doing them harm”

I absolutely agree with this.

RandomMess · 09/04/2021 16:53

Yep he can fuck off.

Reply that has failed to declare the £10k and that it is clearly apparent he is incapable of parenting the DC evidenced by his endless barrage of messages whenever they are in his care that it's clear that shared care will be 80:20 and you therefore need even more money than originally requested.

He acknowledges that DD has huge issues and therefore it's obvious it will be many years before you can work full time if ever due to her needs.

Dick Head

SpringCrocus · 09/04/2021 17:12

Fucker.

Court. Now. No more negotiations. And yes to minimal contact for the DDs with him. Fucker.

Hang on, so he is still living in the house which was originally yours?
Fuck me, he's even worse than I thought!

Mix56 · 09/04/2021 17:22

I was going to write that Random, but honestly why bother...

Crocus, He moved out, to a new build ? I think

RandomMess · 09/04/2021 17:33

I missed part of my letter out 😂

There is nothing to mediate over my stance is x y z (more than initial request) so see you in court.

I hope you really do have a SHL.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 09/04/2021 17:35

Take the cunt to court.

Whilst you're at it, he can also increase the maintenance to account for your position as parent with care and to provide ongoing support for her additional needs as he is incapable/unwilling to provide effective and safe care for her.

WallaceinAnderland · 09/04/2021 17:35

You can't negotiate with him. There's no point even trying. You can, however, ignore his letters, emails and messages and just be guided by your lawyer. Go through the courts as mediation has failed.

PanamaPattie · 09/04/2021 17:41

He's pushing you to go for "full custody" because he can't be seen as a failed parent - and at the same time he is giving you what you want. No more talking. Court.

pointythings · 09/04/2021 18:01

I second everyone who's saying no more mediation, straight to court. The judge is just going to love him - they don't get a lot of good laughs. The only thing wrong with your DD is that she has a completely useless tosspot of a father.

No more nice Polly.

SpringCrocus · 09/04/2021 18:09

So is the house you both lived in sold, now? I can't remember (long covid brain fog!)