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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He did the mash. The Geller mash.

938 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 12/03/2021 15:55

Thread 4. Wow. Thank you for putting up with my ramblings thus far, and for all the support - I couldn't have done it without you all.

Previous thread here

I can confirm he has purchased a masher. He sent me a picture of it and asked if it was alright Confused

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
frazzledasarock · 01/04/2021 08:56

Actually I think I needed to send in my divorce certificate and my marriage certificate to change my passport.

I got a copy of my marriage certificate by applying online I paid a tenner I think (at the time), I keep that marriage certificate safely as I’ve needed it for other official documents.

Got the marriage certificate from here

Justilou1 · 01/04/2021 09:21

Um... We’ve been proud of you all along @StuckInPollyannaMode!!!

DartmoorDoughnut · 01/04/2021 09:25

@frazzledasarock why do you have to send your divorce certificate? Surely your maiden name is still your name so you could revert at any stage if you wanted to?! That is so unfair!

Newestname001 · 01/04/2021 09:25

I’ve woken up filled with impatience to change my name back to my maiden name. Suspect it’s part of reclaiming my identity. How long do I have to wait? What do people normally do?

Great idea @StuckInPollyannaMode! Another step in taking yourself back - and making sure everyone, including Wotsisname - knows it!! 🌹

LadyDanburysHat · 01/04/2021 09:37

Well done for ignoring his messages. It will become easier the more you do it.

WallaceinAnderland · 01/04/2021 09:44

Yes, brilliant job on ignoring his messages. Over time you will see how much this benefits your girls and also how much better it is for your own mental health.

Have you considered getting a new phone and keeping the old one just for contact with him? That will limit the time you are even aware of him messaging which will help all the more.

frazzledasarock · 01/04/2021 09:46

[quote DartmoorDoughnut]@frazzledasarock why do you have to send your divorce certificate? Surely your maiden name is still your name so you could revert at any stage if you wanted to?! That is so unfair![/quote]
Because the divorce certificate granted a divorce as Mrs XH name, the passport agency wanted to see my maiden name and a birth certificate would not do as it did not show the maiden name and new name, and the wedding certificate does, or at least it shows my maiden name marrying twatface.

RandomMess · 01/04/2021 10:08

You can change your name by deed poll anytime you want to anything!

Do a free deed poll and the divorce papers etc when you need a new passport/driving licence.

TigsytheTiger · 01/04/2021 10:14

I changed back to my maiden name by deed poll, it was the simplest way to do it and literally took minutes online.

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 01/04/2021 10:19

Not to go too woo and Christian on you all, but it’s just occurred to me - Easter is the time of rebirth and all.

Looks like changing it legally will be a pain til I have the divorce papers. Do I just email school etc and say I’m now going to be known by my maiden name? Just start using it again.

My maiden name is double barrelled and I love it so I won’t be triple barrelling it. Passport valid til 2025 so I think I’ll leave that one for a while!

Funnily enough, I’m more scared by LinkedIn and Facebook reaction from people who don’t know than anything!

OP posts:
Sicario · 01/04/2021 10:32

You can go ahead and inform people immediately that you are reverting to your maiden name. It's a piece of cake and everyone will quickly get used to it.

Then you can change it on official stuff as and when you get around to it. The only inconvenience I ever encountered was the occasional cheque made out to the wrong name, but I was still able to bank them by taking proof to the branch to demonstrate that it was still me.

Dumping the name felt fabulous.

Sicario · 01/04/2021 10:33

Also my DDs changed their names by deed pole to mine as soon as they turned 18. That was a proud moment.

pointythings · 01/04/2021 10:34

Not to go too woo and Christian on you all, but it’s just occurred to me - Easter is the time of rebirth and all.

Don't worry about that, Easter is another of those pagan festivals that were co-opted by Christianity, so we can all do rebirth, no matter what our beliefs!

But seriously - name changes matter. My youngest is starting the process and it's complicated - she has to change it officially in the Netherlands first because that is her nationality, and it's much harder than in the UK. Then she has to do a deed poll here. We're not even going to try it in the US system. But she needs to do it in order to exorcise her abusive father. She's taking my maiden name as a surname.

NettleTea · 01/04/2021 10:50

@pointythings

Not to go too woo and Christian on you all, but it’s just occurred to me - Easter is the time of rebirth and all.

Don't worry about that, Easter is another of those pagan festivals that were co-opted by Christianity, so we can all do rebirth, no matter what our beliefs!

But seriously - name changes matter. My youngest is starting the process and it's complicated - she has to change it officially in the Netherlands first because that is her nationality, and it's much harder than in the UK. Then she has to do a deed poll here. We're not even going to try it in the US system. But she needs to do it in order to exorcise her abusive father. She's taking my maiden name as a surname.

absolutely. Its rebirth time in ALL the religions.
RandomMess · 01/04/2021 11:14

Yeah just do it and enjoy Smile

frazzledasarock · 01/04/2021 11:18

@Sicario do your DC have issues with school certificates? are they issued in their chosen name or their birth certificate name?

My eldest is desperate to change her name to mine, but I'm worried ait will be complicated with school and university

Sicario · 01/04/2021 11:34

@frazzledasarock - school was prior to 18. University was post 18 so had their new name.

frazzledasarock · 01/04/2021 11:37

SO if my DC changes name now before starting university she can ask for uni to change her name to her chosen one?
Sorry I'm asking so many questions, it is causing my DC so much anxiety, she really hates having her fathers surname.

RandomMess · 01/04/2021 11:39

@frazzledasarock has she already got her place at uni

frazzledasarock · 01/04/2021 11:53

Yes she has a place at university, ideally she wants her name changed now (poor kid was counting down to her eighteenth birthday to be able to do it), so her A Level certificates and university are all in her chosen name.

RandomMess · 01/04/2021 11:55

I would get in touch with the uni and say she has changed her name to xyz, they may ask for evidence of deed poll which presumably she can provide once she's sorted it?

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 01/04/2021 12:44

The UNi will change her ‘known as’ name on their systems. They may need the deed poll to change the rest, but will happily start using the name she wants to go by for communications, etc. in the meantime.

frazzledasarock · 01/04/2021 12:55

Very sorry for the derail. I think we’ll pay for an official deed poll change, and provide the deed poll to everyone.

Think the sooner we do it the better.

RandomMess · 01/04/2021 13:04

I think you should because she may have to prove she is eligible for UK fees and want see official documentation in her name accordingly.

I work for a uni and the hassle I had because there HR couldn't understand the rules around proving your right to work in the UK!!! They wouldn't accept my photo driving licence in married name when my expired passport was in my previous name - even though I had become double barrelled? They started banging on that I needed to provided a court stamped deed poll - erm no when you get married you can change your name to anything you want - arghhhhhhhhhh

I sent numerous links to them from the Gov.UK website in the end Hmm all because they send out the incorrect information on their email for your first day:
They asked for a passport or birth certificate instead of

Current valid passport or FULL birth certificate - although that would be in my maiden name and not match my name anyway talk about head on brick wall.

frazzledasarock · 01/04/2021 13:57

I worked in a university in the dim and distant past.

Each department had a their very own very different guidelines and 'legal' requirements. Was pretty awful for some of our students who came from overseas.

Thank you all for your help.

And many apologies for hijacking your thread Polly.