He did the mash. The Geller mash.

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Thread 4. Wow. Thank you for putting up with my ramblings thus far, and for all the support - I couldn't have done it without you all.

Previous thread here

I can confirm he has purchased a masher. He sent me a picture of it and asked if it was alright

I agree with above.

An abusive fxxker.

His "you win", gives you confirmation that this is a game.

A game he is playing to get at you, using his children.

He cannot bear that you have free time.

He cannot bear that you are not under his thumb.

He cannot bear that you aren't working or consumed by the family under his useless gaze.

This is difficult OP, I do understand that.

But you need to get with the programme and stiffen your spine to him.

He is a lying manipulative fxxker.

Those hidden bank accounts is who he is.

Keep reminding yourself of what a duplicitous prick he is.

Do not collect the children.
Do not manipulate the children.
If he returns them, fine.

You need to inform the school and your lawyer of what the children are being put through.
But you have to see this out.

It is a game, he will use ANYTHING, including his children to win, even telling you that you have won.

Don't get sucked into this.

I expect they were refusing to get out of bed, he probably said "time to get up you have homework to do". & when they didn't jump to it he started shouting.
DD2 wouldn't get up on Thursday.
I expect he is at the end of his tether, he has never been actively involved & now they are older are harder to boss about.
i think he would jump at the chance to EOW & one week day evening rather than do a course on raising your own children. It would make him look inept !
I hope it all cooled down Polly, Once again he has drawn you into his w/e due to rubbish parenting.

@RandomMess is absolutely right!

I agree with RandomMess and billy1966 that this is his new way of abusing you, and their advice is absolutely sound. Let him weep and wail and be incompetent.

Posting to add my support to what @RandomMess and @billy1966 said.

I know it's hard, but please, don't go and get them. If he really cannot cope it's up to HIM to return them early, and make sure this is documented.

He's a nasty, abusive shit.

I agree with @WallaceinAnderland’s response “If you are not coping, please return the kids to me.” Keep a diary of EVERYTHING.
This “You win...” bullshit tells you everything you need to know. Arsehole. Absolute fucking arsehole. He is abusing your girls as much as he is abusing you - how can he not? He knows no other way. This man see people as pawns anyway. You have seen the way he talks about friends, etc. His children are no different, except they require him to take time out of his very busy and important life to do odious things like homework and put on a show at the school gate. How exhausting for him. Ugh!

The children are refusing to do what he says - annoying for him but to me it suggests that they are coping with things. They are not cowed into submission. (It must be so hard not to go and get them!)

You might want to wonder:
-why he goes to such lengths to tell you every little thing. You are still a kind of audience for him. He isn't allowing you to have left.
-what he means by 'win'. Is he seeing this as some kind of competition/game with you? These are his children - not a game.

The ring used to be on my finger, not through my nose.
Keep going Pollyanna, we're all getting there with you. Does he still not get it? He's the Common Denominator? DO NOT give way to this, please. I wish I knew how to send you hugs and cakes and gin.
My EXH told me that I needed elocution lessons, but when I asked if that was so I could tell him to FUCK OFF!!! in a posh voice, he decided against it. Strangely. Keep going. Keep strong. We're all here, willing you, cheering you , admiring your pants, lol, we're jogging with you, (except me, I don't do jogging) and we're all walking with you. We are commiserating with you, on the crap stuff, but we're here also, celebrating the wins. It still makes me grin, the gin left on your path . You have brilliant friends! AND! even more scary, you have US! The MN peeps! What A bloody TEAM!! When it gets a bit tough, look on here. We've got your back. And your front.
Oh. And sides.

Oh! The clock in my car will be correct for 7 months! Yay! Oh. Another job fail. Never mind. I have, in my stead, Perfect eyes and perfect facial. It might work. Probably not. Hey ho. Shit happens. Sorry, completely off thread.

@BobISMyUncle

The ring used to be on my finger, not through my nose. Keep going Pollyanna, we're all getting there with you. Does he still not get it? He's the Common Denominator? DO NOT give way to this, please. I wish I knew how to send you hugs and cakes and gin. My EXH told me that I needed elocution lessons, but when I asked if that was so I could tell him to FUCK OFF!!! in a posh voice, he decided against it. Strangely. Keep going. Keep strong. We're all here, willing you, cheering you , admiring your pants, lol, we're jogging with you, (except me, I don't do jogging) and we're all walking with you. We are commiserating with you, on the crap stuff, but we're here also, celebrating the wins. It still makes me grin, the gin left on your path . You have brilliant friends! AND! even more scary, you have US! The MN peeps! What A bloody TEAM!! When it gets a bit tough, look on here. We've got your back. And your front. Oh. And sides.

What @BobISMyUncle said! ^^

I also don't jog - but do drink lots of great hot cocoa and I'll raise my huge cup with both hands in toasting you (only because it's too early to toast with alcohol... 🌹

I would say he’s doing it on purpose. He’s sending you these messages to worry you. You then say you’ll pick them up and he will always say no and then for the rest of the time you’re sat there worrying about them. He’s accomplished what he set out to do.
You’re doing amazing, you’ll not be able to change him all you can do is work on your reaction and your coping strategies. Remember just because he’s saying it doesn’t mean it’s true. The girls might be absolutely fine even if he’s saying they’re not.
Good luck!

Has everything settled today or did he bring them back?

If he can’t cope, have it clearly in writing what percentage care you’re both doing.

He doesn’t get to not pay child maintenance then do no care of his children.

@BobISMyUncle

Oh! The clock in my car will be correct for 7 months! Yay! Oh. Another job fail. Never mind. I have, in my stead, Perfect eyes and perfect facial. It might work. Probably not. Hey ho. Shit happens. Sorry, completely off thread.

Yeah. I've managed to change every clock apart from the cooker. I only use it for the timer anyway

He's still treating you as staff, you are staff and the girls a wayward project.

Hope you and the kids are snuggled on the sofa and decompressing.

Huge love op. He's messing with your head. Xxx

I have 2 cars (DH doesn't drive 😂) finally the clocks are correct again.

Dog has adjusted to new clock instantly and wondering what she hasn't been out to bed yet 🤣

Cat is on old time and didn't turn up demanding supper and to be put to bed had to go find her!!!

Gosh, your poor daughters, money means so much more to him than their happiness.

Sorry OP, it sounds awful BUT this is the evidence that is needed to show that 50:50 doesn't work. I think you and the girls may need to stick it out as planned for the foreseeable, as the payoff will surely be in everyone's best interests (ie the evidence shows everyone is happier if they are with you for the majority of the time).

It is hideous while it's happening though. Hope you are all OK

@StuckInPollyannaMode are you ok?

?

Sitting in the sun with a cup of tea - I’m absolutely fine - broadband went down! Joys of rural living!

I turned my phone off yesterday. Decided I need to withdraw and become more remote and factual. Been thinking a lot about what you’ve all said and you’re right. I’m enabling him by being contactable.

Stream of messages this morning but I’ve ignored.

I get the girls back in an hour so will know more then - I spent yesterday feeling sad and reflective and rereading How to Talk So Kids Will Listen. Going to keep things calm and peaceful for them. The house is spotless - worked out my angst in a barrage of cleaning.

Anyone know how long it’s reasonable to give him to come back on the financial stuff? Been six weeks and no word.

Good for you OP. Don't engage with him when he drops them off either. The sooner he realises you're not interested, the sooner he will stop using them for his own devices. Enjoy the sunshine!

Good job Polly, I got spring cleaning fever today and washed the skirting boards and everything

Good for you! I got spring cleaning fever, in the garden