We've got a mega app thing that also extends WiFi around the house. I can limit the types of sites, block particular sites, add overall limits and bedtimes. I can also just press pause. It caused no end of rows to start off with, but it helped it was The App doing it and not me trying to grab screens off them or whatever. I'm also fairly negotiable - they can always ask for more.
It sounds like there's an awful lot going on in your DD1's head. I'm betting Geller would not have allowed last night's shenanigans and that's half the issue. You are dealing with her normal as well as the effects of his reaction to it. And all on no sleep.
My DS has ADHD/ASD and was a shitty sleeper, loads of attachment issues so as a baby/toddler was velcroed to me all night, had a few years of mostly sleeping in his own bed but for the entirety of primary school he came in every night. We'd managed to get him off to sleep - generally with someone else in the room but then at some point around 1-2am he'd come in until he was up for the day at 5am. We tried rapid return, a bed on the floor in our room, going into his room/bed, antihistamines, melatonin. In the end we bought a super king and tried to sleep through it and assumed he'd grown out of it. He has 
I'm not allowed even to hug him, he has lie ins and everything.
Channel the Serenity prayer- accept the things you can't change etc. Her behaviour is her reaction to her life, she can't help it, and she can't articulate what's going on. For me accepting it wasn't my fault, I couldn't change it, and just to roll over and make space at 2am was much better than getting up at 2am and trying to deal with it.