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Original poster

Handhold whilst I figure out what to do.

229 replies

BlackOutCurtain · 10/03/2021 19:18

I have been with DP for 7 years now, we are currently undergoing fertility treatment due to PCOS and he has poor sperm.

About five years ago, I found him on FabSwingers after picking up his iPad that was linked to his phone. Loads of disgusting messages but he didn't meet anyone apparently. All the messages were sexting as such and each message spoke about meeting but then he always came up with an excuse. Either way, it doesn't matter he was disrespectful and a piece of shit to do it. Anyway we decided to work on it and we've been happy. We've just had our mortgage in principle, we've started fertility treatment (which he is paying for out of his own savings and it is £6k a round)

I've just googled his username for everything - Xbox, Instagram, literally anything you need a username for, he uses the same on each time.

It's come up with sextingonkk.com and his profile has been active since 30th September and he was last online yesterday. I feel sick, it's definitely him because the account registered is his date of birth.

He promised me he wouldn't do this again. I feel sick, why would he pay for our treatment if he wasn't interested in me anymore? I love him so much it physically hurts. I know he's going to say it's not him and I can't even prove it because there's no photo.

I'm sorry if this is a rambled mess, I'm logged on to my evening course in the office whilst he's on Xbox and I want to just confront him. I need the evidence but how.

I can't stop shaking.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
gallileofigaro · 13/03/2021 08:33

I think your plan of printing the screenshots and leaving them on the side and walking out is better. Don't engage with him. You already know he will minimise his behaviour and deny it's serious.

trevthecat · 13/03/2021 08:56

Just read your updates from yesterday afternoon. Sorry you are going through this.

Journeynotdestination · 13/03/2021 08:57

I just looked at the website, it looks legit to me.

Treacletoots · 13/03/2021 09:22

Why do you need proof to leave him OP? It changes NOTHING.

You know he can't be trusted. He's likely been doing this throughout your relationship. He is a lying cheating shit and you don't need "proof" to end this relationship.

You know. He knows you know. (Or will very soon) this is enough. Walk away with your head high.

harknesswitch · 13/03/2021 09:57

If Kik isn't on there, go to the App Store and you can see if he's previously downloaded it. Download it and tell him to put his password in.

My friends ex used to delete the actual app each day and reinstall it

oreo2020 · 13/03/2021 11:12

Hi OP. So sorry you are in this position. I know you want evidence, but really you don't need it. The trust is gone and you will never be able to trust. Never. There will always be something else and something else. Believe me I've been there. I caught my boyfriend of 4.5 years on Fabswingers, Plenty of Fish, bumble, Swingers Heaven, Swingers UK .. maybe more I cannot remember anymore. The evidence was hard .. but to be honest I should have left in the very beginning when I just had the gut feeling. I did leave him several times at the times I found out, but he did a great job luring me back and even proposing.

So now I am due to move house and he is due to move in in my new house to live together, and we should get married at some point. On paper he is perfect- helpful, kind, gentleman, generous, good with my kids, very 'family oriented'. My kids love him. Makes it only harder to leave. I am long past looking evidence - it doesn't matter anymore.. he might not be doing it now but I know he will not stop.

My prayers goes out to you. I hate my life and my relationship (which is great bar the cheating) and been gathering my strength to leave. You don't need the evidence. You already know him. You cannot trust him and it will be harder when you have a baby or married or live together.

autumnalrain · 13/03/2021 11:19

@oreo2020 how does telling OP you’ve decided to stay with him and potentially get married despite him cheating help?

goody2shooz · 13/03/2021 12:20

@oreo2020 - why on earth GET MARRIED to a liar and a cheat??? I’d be booking an STI check personally. After I’d thrown him out.

Appledrop · 13/03/2021 12:21

@oreo2020

Hi OP. So sorry you are in this position. I know you want evidence, but really you don't need it. The trust is gone and you will never be able to trust. Never. There will always be something else and something else. Believe me I've been there. I caught my boyfriend of 4.5 years on Fabswingers, Plenty of Fish, bumble, Swingers Heaven, Swingers UK .. maybe more I cannot remember anymore. The evidence was hard .. but to be honest I should have left in the very beginning when I just had the gut feeling. I did leave him several times at the times I found out, but he did a great job luring me back and even proposing.

So now I am due to move house and he is due to move in in my new house to live together, and we should get married at some point. On paper he is perfect- helpful, kind, gentleman, generous, good with my kids, very 'family oriented'. My kids love him. Makes it only harder to leave. I am long past looking evidence - it doesn't matter anymore.. he might not be doing it now but I know he will not stop.

My prayers goes out to you. I hate my life and my relationship (which is great bar the cheating) and been gathering my strength to leave. You don't need the evidence. You already know him. You cannot trust him and it will be harder when you have a baby or married or live together.

I wouldn't say a partner who treats you in that way is good for your kids, do you? What kind of example are you setting them by staying with the cheat? Why can't you leave? You are not married, nor do you live with your partner yet so you have a great opportunity right now to kick him to the kerb.
Kelly345 · 13/03/2021 12:40

Any update op?

Ammy85 · 13/03/2021 13:10

Forget kik the guys been in sex sites fab badoo etc etc - A leopard never changes its spots , if he takes his phone to toilet what additional proof do you need? you have all the proof you need- please have a little self respect and leave , confront him if he has nothing to hide he would give you his phone but chances are that he won't do that. Whatever you do praying for you but you deserve so much better.

Ammy85 · 13/03/2021 13:13

@oreo2020 I don't know how you have the strength to continue - best of luck to you also he sounds awful so praying you get the courage and emotional energy to leave .

WisnaeMe · 13/03/2021 13:49

just a thought OP but you would know if he's deleted Kik messages because Jojo's message will also be deleted right 🤔

you know this message should be there 🌺

Kelly345 · 13/03/2021 16:45

Wonder if anything happened today?

LadyLolaRuben · 13/03/2021 19:12

@BlackOutCurtain hope you're ok OP? X

Kelly345 · 14/03/2021 08:11

I suppose no news is good news?

trevthecat · 14/03/2021 12:31

Any update? Hope you are okay x

Notsure21 · 14/03/2021 19:56

Hope you’re okay OP! Fingers crossed you got out without too much confrontation

Name99 · 14/03/2021 21:46

If he is deleting the app and reinstalling the messages will be gone

seriouslystressedoutmama · 14/03/2021 22:50

Oh thinking of you, keep your cards close to your chess until you are ready to play your hand

Jodielaa · 15/03/2021 07:18

Hope your okay OP x

Kelly345 · 15/03/2021 07:53

Seems to have gone cold here?

Holyhonestyjj · 15/03/2021 09:54

@Kelly345 I know, quite frustrating when you spend time giving advice and don’t hear what’s happened

Itstimetoquit · 15/03/2021 20:05

How are you op x

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 15/03/2021 22:10

[quote Holyhonestyjj]@Kelly345 I know, quite frustrating when you spend time giving advice and don’t hear what’s happened[/quote]
Sorry you've not received the gossip you require 🙄 there could be a hundred reasons she hasn't come back, you're not entitled to know.