Handhold whilst I figure out what to do.

[BlackOutCurtain]

I have been with DP for 7 years now, we are currently undergoing fertility treatment due to PCOS and he has poor sperm.

About five years ago, I found him on FabSwingers after picking up his iPad that was linked to his phone. Loads of disgusting messages but he didn't meet anyone apparently. All the messages were sexting as such and each message spoke about meeting but then he always came up with an excuse. Either way, it doesn't matter he was disrespectful and a piece of shit to do it. Anyway we decided to work on it and we've been happy. We've just had our mortgage in principle, we've started fertility treatment (which he is paying for out of his own savings and it is £6k a round)

I've just googled his username for everything - Xbox, Instagram, literally anything you need a username for, he uses the same on each time.

It's come up with sextingonkk.com and his profile has been active since 30th September and he was last online yesterday. I feel sick, it's definitely him because the account registered is his date of birth.

He promised me he wouldn't do this again. I feel sick, why would he pay for our treatment if he wasn't interested in me anymore? I love him so much it physically hurts. I know he's going to say it's not him and I can't even prove it because there's no photo.

I'm sorry if this is a rambled mess, I'm logged on to my evening course in the office whilst he's on Xbox and I want to just confront him. I need the evidence but how.

I can't stop shaking.

@gutful your post is very kind, thank you for your understanding. It has opened my eyes, I deserve more than this but equally I am so happy with him. It's cruel.

I've just read another comment about me, again, thinking I'm entitled to money. I know i'm not entitled to any of it thank you very much. However, if you was to ever be in my shoes (I wouldn't wish it on anyone) then of course, you would feel the same way I do. It's ALL unfair. I've struggled with infertility and now my plans are probably going to be put on hold. We won't be able to offer on a house despite working SO hard to progress in my job to pass affordability checks. To work towards a future with someone for it to be pulled away and for what? I shouldn't look to buy a house, or even get excited about those things. I guess I'm not entitled to even think about any of those things above either then? Because I haven't gotten married yet, eh?

I'm really hurting right now. I haven't ate properly since I saw this website and I am about to explode. I don't want to have to validate myself to strangers on the internet who don't know me. An entitled grabby cow is NOT who I am. Hence me paying my proportion to everything. I don't have the energy to defend my character. I just need to focus on a solution to this mess rather than focusing on how I find the evidence.

I've found his Kik name. It's his picture. It's him.

I'm shaking.

Do I message it? Will he click on?

Message him. With an alias. Like someone said above. Ask if he's looking for pics?

I’m so sorry to hear that you know it is definitely him. Take a deep breath and make a plan. Don’t just react. Is there someone you can talk to who knows you both and can help

I'm worried he will find out it's me, i'm really not good with this stuff. He will click on that it's a random profile, created 2 days ago asking for pics.

I'm on kik if you want me to do it? DM me details. Up to you

Wasn't there a thread ages ago about a woman who built up a fake profile on a dating app to catch out her DH?

Like several have said, if the trust is gone, it's gone.

You don't need to justify any of your feelings.

I brought up landlords to show you how ridiculous your belief is that everyone in a relationship should be entitled to money from their partner if they split. Obviously it was lost on you.

@jojogoesbust PM'ed you.

I'm gonna kick this f#cker to the curb. Drop the evidence and go.

OP what do you mean it’s his picture? I thought he didn’t have a picture from your screenshots?

Read this thread OP about kik
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2646035-Kik-whats-it-all-about

Been following your thread today having been in a similar plave myself a few months ago.

Don't let him convince you you're imagining it. He's done it before, he will again.

Stay strong xxx

Been following this too OP, I’m sorry to see it is indeed him

Sorry OP, so awful when worries are confirmed. Hope you get the evidence you need to make a clear decision. Look after yourself ok, and definitely have some food-you need to eat to think clearly.

@Holyhonestyjj

I brought up landlords to show you how ridiculous your belief is that everyone in a relationship should be entitled to money from their partner if they split. Obviously it was lost on you.

Yeh ok

He has a picture on Kik. Under a slightly different alias, not sure why I didn't think to search this one initially. It's the same name he used one fabswkngers.

I searched it on kik the actual app and he's there, his pic (that I took!!)

Sorry my words are jumbled.

Is Kik a dating/hook up thing?

Ignore the golddigger comments, it's obvious that you're not. Some right goady people on here. OP just kick him out, I'm so sorry you're going through this, he's a twat. X

Kik is just a chat app, like whatsapp or snapchat and could be completely innocent. BUT knowing his history and that there are links to his swingers account I'd think he was using it as a cover to speak to/meet people and if you ever found it he could brush it off as just a chat app.

OP screenshot everything- his profiles, every search that comes up on google and anything else you find in case he catches on and deletes anything.

I'm so sorry x

Fucking bastard. If you’re feeling jumbled perhaps go on a walk so you can think straight and let out a cry (heck wail) if you need to.

I would suggest messaging him and asking a) how long have you been single for b) what are you looking for I.e. casual/long term and c) do you want to meet up? Then set a time and date so there’s a concrete plan.

That way when you confront him he can’t say he ‘just wanted a friendship’ and ‘he wasn’t actually going to act on it’.

Sorry you’re going through this OP.

Following
Hope u catch him out

He may have deleted Kik but his profile is still there... he has obviously used Kik for his Fab days. Be careful as when I made a Kik account it notified my contacts (who also had Kik) that I had a new account.

Get someone on here to message his Kik account.

I found my ex on Fab messaging people. He had the exact same excuses as your partner. They do not change!! He’s in another ‘loving’ relationship now, and guess what? Saw him on there again, active daily. This after saying it was a one off and he’d learn from this ‘mistake’ with me to be a good, decent partner to his next girlfriend. Riiiight.

Jojo is helping me and has confirmed he the message has been delivered but not read.

I've dashed home from work and I have taken my passport, my documents, my photos, some cash (god I'm such an entitled cow, I know) and my jewellery. My mums hoop earrings that I adore.

It's in my boot, these are such small items he won't notice missing but they are essential. The rest can be replaced.

I'm running on literally redbull, I can't even bare to think about food.

Fuck you, you wanker. Get your thrills at someone else's expensive.

I have also printed the screenshots of the site, his kik username and the recent photo.

He will be out tomorrow afternoon and that's when I'll leave them on the kitchen side and take the rest of my things.

Please please help me not explode tonight and act normal.

Thank goodness you are leaving him.

He cheated just 2yrs in!

Perhaps you need to be ill again tonight so that you can avoid hom as much as possible.