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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

BF growing weed in my house

344 replies

suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:06

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. I had a sort of FWB who came to stay temporarily on the 1st Jan because he got kicked out of home. Almost 3 months on he's still here - no money to move out and refuses to. Intact the council and present as homeless.

I have a 14 year old daughter and I have mental health issues (no polar). I'm absolutely useless at standing up for myself and now everything has got out of hand.

One night we were drunk he said he thought he'd like to grow weed in my attic and I kind of shrugged it off thinking it was pie in the sky. Then just like that the seeds and pots etc. Started arriving.

I wish upon wish that I'd spoken up then but fast forward and he's actually set up the plants in my spare room! He's got 6 growing strong. Says it'll be a slap in the wrist if he's caught and that nothing will happen to me but I can't find anything online with a direct answer to this.

I'm terrified, not sleeping, snapping at my daughter. He's a serious cocaine addict too. I guess I'm scared of him he has a terrible temper plus no where to go right now. I just want my home back but I'm scared and I don't know what to do.

I guess I just want some words of wisdom if anyone's out there?

OP posts:
CJsGoldfish · 09/03/2021 13:31

To the posters making jokes about the situation, a 14 year old girl and her mother are living with a violent, drug addict. Get a grip

I haven't seen any jokes?
A 14yr old gild and her mother are living with a violent drug addict because the mother moved a 'sort of' FWB (so likely a stranger really) into the house WITH HER CHILD. Everyone is glossing over that. What's to say it won't happen again?

At least phone the police so you can ensure your childs safety OP. Is there somewhere your DD can stay for a while to keep her safe while you work on getting yourself in order?

WildishBambino · 09/03/2021 13:32

OP, here are the sentencing guidelines for permitting premises to be used for drug cultivation. It's an offence in itself even if you had nothing to do with the drugs.

From what you've said you are looking at a Category 2 offence (lower culpability / greater harm) which is up to 26 weeks custody. Presence of children in the property is an aggravating factor.

Wanderlusto · 09/03/2021 13:33

Having read your updates op I'd get back there fast and get the weed out. Who is to say you wont return and find he has called the police on you out of spite? Maybe keep watch from a distance and as soon as he is out, get up to the attic and check they are gone. I wouldn't be surprised if he asks you to watch the plants for him until he finds a place. Don't agree.

lanthanum · 09/03/2021 13:33

Please don't be afraid of Social Services, or the police telling them. You're doing the right thing. They're there to protect your child, and they will want to do that by supporting you doing the right thing, not by taking her away. If they end up monitoring your daughter, that's good - you'll get the help and advice you need.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 09/03/2021 13:35

Jesus Christ OP this is so serious - a drug addict in your house, with your DD. I am so glad you've told him to leave. You need to be really strong in future and not let any other man take advantage of you. Keep your daughter safe, that is your job.

PricklesAndSpikes · 09/03/2021 13:36

@viques

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
Oh give over being so goady, what's the point of your post? Where did she say he was sleeping in the spare room? The OP admitted at the very beginning of her first post that he was a FWB so he would no doubt have been sharing her bed. No shock horror there, she didn't try and say he was a stranger. She probably has a 2 bed, one for her and one for her daughter. And even if he wasn't a FWB and was just a straight up friend, have you never heard of lending a friend your sofa to sleep on..?
Wanderlusto · 09/03/2021 13:36

*and dont reply to anything about having the weed in writing (eg: via text) either. You dont want him to be able to show you had weed in your house.

WhoAreYah · 09/03/2021 13:37

He needs to leave. Him and his plants.

ANewDawnANewDay · 09/03/2021 13:37

OP - you have nothing to be ashamed off.

Great that you spoke to him and hopefully he's packing.

Please call a locksmith and change the locks. He's a grown man and you are not his mother. Seriously - you are not. He can crash on a friends sofa. Or go to the council if he's homeless.

And do call the non emergency police number and tell them what's up (unless he's kicking off - in that case call emergency!)

Eddielzzard · 09/03/2021 13:38

He should be ashamed, not you. You're doing the right thing. Do it for your DD and your future life together without him.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 09/03/2021 13:38

She probably has a 2 bed, one for her and one for her daughter.

It's right in the opening post: "he's actually set up the plants in my spare room! "

UhtredRagnarson · 09/03/2021 13:38

Oh give over being so goady, what's the point of your post? Where did she say he was sleeping in the spare room? The OP admitted at the very beginning of her first post that he was a FWB so he would no doubt have been sharing her bed. No shock horror there, she didn't try and say he was a stranger. She probably has a 2 bed, one for her and one for her daughter.

He has set up his weed farm in OPs spare room.

Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 13:39

He's out dropping the majority of his stuff to his friend's. There is one plant left here in the house I assume didn't fit in the car. He's left some things he'll need so I know he'll come back. I won't be here.

He seems to be acting on what I've said and leaving. He doesn't have a key that I know of... but I'll change the locks just in case.

I'm shaking head to toe just can't wait for this to be over. I do take responsibility for being a bad judge of character (again!) it was all so insidious how little by little he's taken over. He was so charming. I need to be single for the longest time.

For the person who said about my spare room, it's not big enough to be considered a room. It's a rectangle the size of a single mattress

OP posts:
Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 13:40

Were friends for two years and started sleeping with each other occasionally about a year ago

OP posts:
pinkgin8 · 09/03/2021 13:41

@nimbuscloud

Is your daughter not in school?
I was just thinking that Confused
ANewDawnANewDay · 09/03/2021 13:42

Bag up the remainder and put it on the doorstep?

Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 13:42

@WildishBambino thank you - that's the info I couldn't find. Fucking hell thank god he's going.

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 09/03/2021 13:43

I hope you're calling a locksmith at least OP.

Crimeismymiddlename · 09/03/2021 13:44

Absolutely ring the police, the fact you are avoiding doing this so SS don’t get involved is short sighted, if he decided to stop packing and stay put, and the plants continue to grow you will have other undesirable people entering your home with your 14 yo, putting her in more danger. Your neighbours have probably already noticed this undesirable, and in a few weeks will definitely notice the smell-and you won’t have any choice with Police/ss involvement, someone else will ring them. You face the very real possibility of losing your home and a police record-even a caution shows up on police checks. Honestly, I think other pp are right, you are the victim in this and he has obviously targeted you but you do need to take responsibility for letting him move in for a stupid reason, and the next steps to getting rid of him safely. SS probably won’t take your child away at 14, but you need help-they are, sadly probably very experienced in this situation.

Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 13:45

My daughter is back to school tomorrow they're doing a phased return

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 09/03/2021 13:45

Yeh definately put the plant outside incase he is leaving it so he can phone and get you into trouble.

slashlover · 09/03/2021 13:46

Bag it all up and put it outside. If there is a plant there then he could be phoning the police right now to tell them YOU are growing the weed.

slashlover · 09/03/2021 13:47

Not important at the moment but you need to check your meter readings, growing weed can use a LOT of electricity.

choosername1234 · 09/03/2021 13:47

Don't leave him in your house to collect his stuff. What is HE changes the locks?

Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 13:48

I'm okay. He seems calmer. He's come back for the rest of his stuff. Praying all this will be over soon and I will be calling the locksmith. That's an expense I can't afford

OP posts:
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