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Original poster

I’ve been a stupid gullible idiot..

277 replies

Therewere5inthebed · 07/03/2021 19:06

I’ve had a rotten time recently, marriage broke up in October due to EXH affair, DF passed away three weeks ago and I was feeling so bloody lonely, I did a stupid thing and joined Tinder..

Got talking to a lovely man, lots of messaging going on, he seemed really genuine and respectful.

We met on Monday and had the most wonderful first date, really special, we just clicked, walked and talked for 4 hrs! Things progressed as the chemistry was zinging and we spent another hr kissing, again he was very respectful and so lovely.

We had the week of tension building with messages and hr or two hr chats every evening. We arranged a date for last night (if you’re going to moan that I broke lockdown restrictions please don’t, I know I was stupid and don’t need to hear it again).
He arrived, we started kissing, dinner was forgotten and we headed to the bedroom pretty quickly, we had the most amazing night, he was so considerate in bed and we both had an amazing time. He was anxious to leave at 10 this morning as he said had arrangements with his children during the day.

He left saying that we’d meet again on Saturday, I sent him a text an hr or so later saying thank you for a great night.. he’s not even read the message.. usually he’d return my text within 30mins or immediately.

For the record, I have never been so reckless, I’m always sensible but I’m now having a major wobble that I’ve been taken for a ride.. so to speak.

I’ve slept with him so quickly and I’ve allowed myself to get emotionally involved, he was telling me the old chestnuts about how amazing things were, so intense so quickly and that it all felt so perfect and how happy he was and I got swept along with it.

Please give me some wise but gentle advice..

OP posts:
LaceyBetty · 07/03/2021 21:53

men don’t respect women who sleep with them so easily.

Barf.

Anon778833 · 07/03/2021 21:53

@Candidly what a load of nonsensical, internalised misogyny Hmm

Borntohula · 07/03/2021 21:57

@LaceyBetty

men don’t respect women who sleep with them so easily.

Barf.

It's bollocks as well. If a guy is keen, he's generally happy to have sex with you early on AND continue seeing you after. Not that complicated.
WinterIsGone · 07/03/2021 21:58

men don’t respect women who sleep with them so easily.
Eh? I say better to weed out that sort of man by sleeping with him, than to "save yourself" for several dates, and then he disappears.

FWIW I propositioned my now DH 30 years ago, and it never put him off, because he's not a misogynist.

Happycat1212 · 07/03/2021 22:00

Candidly

Absolutely agree, I’ve spoken to men who have said they judge women who sleep with them on the first date, and when women are telling other women to be grateful they got sex can you really be surprised? Like a woman needs to be grateful for getting sex? Yes some men won’t mind if you sleep with them the first night and there will always be exceptions to the rules ( for those who say they slept with their husband straight away) but that’s rare and most men will disappear once they’ve got what they wanted.

Somethingkindaoooo · 07/03/2021 22:00

OP
You " broke the seal'

You had years of being with the same guy, he treated you poorly, and probably dragged your self esteem down.

You got back on the horse, you were brave enough to chat to and meet with someone.
Your ex didn't break you 🙂

Yoh learned a lesson, but my word, I think you were so brave!.
I'm terrified of dating, and feel like an unfuckable walrus after my last relationship, so I think you are awesome.
😊😊😊😊

Twobirdsinatree · 07/03/2021 22:01

Well I dont respect men who don't respect women who sleep with them easily

Happycat1212 · 07/03/2021 22:01

Why would you sleep with loads of men in hope it weeds out the ones that will stick around? I actually find that a bit sad, maybe get to know them first so you can judge their character rather than sleeping with every guy you meet to weed out the bad ones.

Original poster
Therewere5inthebed · 07/03/2021 22:02

He has messaged, said he had a fantastic night and asked how I am.
He told me that he had told his adult children that he was spending the night with me when I asked where they thought he was. I’m going to proceed with much more caution in future and not allow myself to get in a position where I feel so vulnerable.

Despite this I am positive he was meeting someone else this afternoon..

I’m 100% sure he’s not married —I have FB stalked him-- We’ve both been honest about our situations and he has no reason to lie about that.

However thank you to the posters who have made me not feel so stupid.. and put it into perspective.

I’m going to proceed with much caution, there will not be a round two as I’m now aware that I’m too vulnerable and really haven’t enjoyed feeling this way.

It was great fun (probably the most fun I’ve ever had) which almost made it harder and he was so considerate and thoughtful, but the warning signs were there, I just didn’t heed them.

OP posts:
Candidly · 07/03/2021 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

littlepattilou · 07/03/2021 22:05

@Candidly

Are you taking the piss? Serious question.

Candidly · 07/03/2021 22:05

@Happycat1212

Why would you sleep with loads of men in hope it weeds out the ones that will stick around? I actually find that a bit sad, maybe get to know them first so you can judge their character rather than sleeping with every guy you meet to weed out the bad ones.
THIS!!! Some serious issues from these posters it makes me fear for our daughters
apalledandshocked · 07/03/2021 22:06

Reading the thread title and the start of your first post I was worried you were going to have been scammed out of money or similar and was ready to tell you not to beat yourself up etc. The reality is so much better - worst case scenario you got manipulated into a one night stand when you wanted more. I know how shit it can make you feel - but almost all women have been in that position at one point or other. It doesnt make you a fool. I would chalk it up as a learning experience and move on. Best case scenario he is waiting a bit before replying - although I wouldnt focus too much (if possible) on this just because either way it isnt good for your own self-esteem to be worrying about this - it can be like handing over deciding your self worth to someone else and even if he is a really great guy it isnt worth it at this stagre. Easier said than done I know!

Candidly · 07/03/2021 22:07

This reply has been deleted

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littlepattilou · 07/03/2021 22:07

ooooooookay....... Confused

Teentitansonloop · 07/03/2021 22:08

It is an emotional roller coaster OP and you are totally within your rights to say that things moved a bit too quickly but that you'd rather take your time before you feel comfortable enough to date again.

sunnydaleslayer · 07/03/2021 22:08

Wow.

Candidly, the bus to 1955 leaves soon, better get on that.

Happycat1212 · 07/03/2021 22:09

Just don’t sleep with him again, give it a while. If you actually wait to get to know someone it becomes clear what men are just after sex, you don’t need to sleep with every man you meet on the first night to find that out Hmm

LaceyBetty · 07/03/2021 22:10

@Happycat1212

Candidly

Absolutely agree, I’ve spoken to men who have said they judge women who sleep with them on the first date, and when women are telling other women to be grateful they got sex can you really be surprised? Like a woman needs to be grateful for getting sex? Yes some men won’t mind if you sleep with them the first night and there will always be exceptions to the rules ( for those who say they slept with their husband straight away) but that’s rare and most men will disappear once they’ve got what they wanted.

But why would you want that kind of man to stick around anyway? I wouldn't want to "save myself" (barf again) for a man who would have pissed off if I had slept with him right away.
LaceyBetty · 07/03/2021 22:11

@Twobirdsinatree

Well I dont respect men who don't respect women who sleep with them easily
This.
NiceTwin · 07/03/2021 22:12

Wow Candidly, very unpleasant.

Candidly · 07/03/2021 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Borntohula · 07/03/2021 22:13

This reply has been deleted

This quotes a now deleted post so we are taking this one down now too

LaceyBetty · 07/03/2021 22:13

Yep exactly. It’s rare and the other ones who are barfing have clearly been fucked and chucked after opening their legs too soon. I find it cringe. If you want a man... act like a lady. Simple :)

Nope. Honestly slept with my now husband on our first date 20 years ago. He's lucky I didn't lose all respect for him for putting out so quickly.

shivermetimbers77 · 07/03/2021 22:14

I can understand that the emotional rollercoaster of today has made you wary OP, but are you sure you want to end it? He hasn’t done anything wrong as far as I can see.. Perhaps instead of ending it you could just explain that you like him and really enjoyed your night together but want to get to know each other before rushing into anything. Up to you of course, but seems a shame to throw it away if you like his company.