I’ve been a stupid gullible idiot..

[Therewere5inthebed]

I’ve had a rotten time recently, marriage broke up in October due to EXH affair, DF passed away three weeks ago and I was feeling so bloody lonely, I did a stupid thing and joined Tinder..

Got talking to a lovely man, lots of messaging going on, he seemed really genuine and respectful.

We met on Monday and had the most wonderful first date, really special, we just clicked, walked and talked for 4 hrs! Things progressed as the chemistry was zinging and we spent another hr kissing, again he was very respectful and so lovely.

We had the week of tension building with messages and hr or two hr chats every evening. We arranged a date for last night (if you’re going to moan that I broke lockdown restrictions please don’t, I know I was stupid and don’t need to hear it again).
He arrived, we started kissing, dinner was forgotten and we headed to the bedroom pretty quickly, we had the most amazing night, he was so considerate in bed and we both had an amazing time. He was anxious to leave at 10 this morning as he said had arrangements with his children during the day.

He left saying that we’d meet again on Saturday, I sent him a text an hr or so later saying thank you for a great night.. he’s not even read the message.. usually he’d return my text within 30mins or immediately.

For the record, I have never been so reckless, I’m always sensible but I’m now having a major wobble that I’ve been taken for a ride.. so to speak.

I’ve slept with him so quickly and I’ve allowed myself to get emotionally involved, he was telling me the old chestnuts about how amazing things were, so intense so quickly and that it all felt so perfect and how happy he was and I got swept along with it.

Please give me some wise but gentle advice..

[Turnedouttoes]

Also I presume he left at 10 and went straight to pick up his children? If so, he may just have been out with them all day, driving etc and not had a chance to look at his phone but will reply tonight when they’re in bed and he’s alone.
I’d give him more than 12 hours to reply

[HollowTalk]

Has he replied?

Some men are such utter creeps, to string women along like that and then fuck off afterwards.

[goodbyelenin]

The first rule of OLD is that 99.9%of men just want sex, they will literally do and say anything to get you into bed.

bit of an exaggeration to say the least!

And most women will probably agree, it's actually a lot worst to have a one-night-stand trying to be more serious and gluing you than one who just disappears before breakfast.

[Northernsoullover]

@FeckTheMagicDragon

I used to have a rule about not shagging too early, until someone pointed out it was a good way to get rid of the wasters. And hopefully have a decent shag before emotions are too heavily involved.

Ha ha! Me too. I used to wait but at my age the opportunity for a shag doesn't come along often. I'm in a relationship now but my take was to fully expect for them NOT to contact you.
Don't be cross with yourself OP. Get cross with him. If he just wanted a shag he didn't need to bullshit the romance.

[bangheadhere40]

Has he replied?

[Itsjustaride8w737]

I'm sorry you've had a shitty time op.

For what it's worth I'm currently pregnant to my DH who i slept with on the first date. It wasn't the first time i did it either!

Obviously if you struggle emotionally in regards to sex maybe it's best to wait a few dates.

I've had some pretty disastrous dates/relationships in the past, but i can confer they are some good men out there!

Hang in there op, onwards and upwards

[BehindMyEyes]

Look you had sex and hopefully enjoyed it . You got back on the horse which is not always easy ! Finding a man you want to have sex with is a major accomplishment . It's far too early for him to reply if he is occupied with teens . My now H had teens when I met him and he would not message during his weekends with them. It was only recently that he said that as time went on the weekends with his kids were not enough for him without me too and that is something that takes time . Just see how it plays out .

[Neverspeakofthisagain]

OP.

Worst case scenario is as PP have said - you had a good night out of it and have learned a lesson quickly enough that you won't get really hurt. If he is ghosting, it would have been so much worse if this happened six months down the line when you are so much more invested.

Yes, you feel worse NOW but in a few weeks time, I think you'll be glad you had the night you had. Disappointing if he turns out to be a fuck boy, but no real harm done.

[MintyMabel]

Think of it like the Pfizer vaccine. It's just a small prick and you won't be needing a second one

Since when don’t you need two Pfizer shots?

[Juancornetto]

ONS's can be great but maybe not when you've just lost your beloved Dad. I'm so sorry you've been going through such a shit time recently, it makes it hard to understand what's just fun and meaningless. Don't beat yourself up xx

[cantgetmyheadroundit]

@NoMackerelInSwindon

Think of it like the Pfizer vaccine.

It's just a small prick and you won't be needing a second one.

😂😂

[emmylousings]

Agree with PP who says nothing lost (even worse case scenario - as in you never see him again) - you went OLD in a random moment; found there are other blokes out there / you are attractive / can get laid if you fancy: all good. Doesn't mean you want to do it again / often; or maybe you do. Whatever, nothing to ashamed of, just be safe.

[Coffeeandcocopops]

You had fun OP. Just next time don’t allow strange men into your house.

[PegasusReturns]

Don’t be cross with yourself that’s a wasted emotion.

If he disappears following a shag then you’ve avoided him doing the same after you got more emotionally involved.

[feistyoneyouare]

Sex on the first date happens. DH and I did it and we've been together 21 years.

OP don't beat yourself up, you've had a really rough time and you wanted something nice to happen for a change, it's perfectly natural. So sorry for the loss of your DF.

Hope it all works out.

[MmeLaraque]

@Therewere5inthebed

I’ve had a rotten time recently, marriage broke up in October due to EXH affair, DF passed away three weeks ago and I was feeling so bloody lonely, I did a stupid thing and joined Tinder..

Got talking to a lovely man, lots of messaging going on, he seemed really genuine and respectful.

We met on Monday and had the most wonderful first date, really special, we just clicked, walked and talked for 4 hrs! Things progressed as the chemistry was zinging and we spent another hr kissing, again he was very respectful and so lovely.

We had the week of tension building with messages and hr or two hr chats every evening. We arranged a date for last night (if you’re going to moan that I broke lockdown restrictions please don’t, I know I was stupid and don’t need to hear it again).
He arrived, we started kissing, dinner was forgotten and we headed to the bedroom pretty quickly, we had the most amazing night, he was so considerate in bed and we both had an amazing time. He was anxious to leave at 10 this morning as he said had arrangements with his children during the day.

He left saying that we’d meet again on Saturday, I sent him a text an hr or so later saying thank you for a great night.. he’s not even read the message.. usually he’d return my text within 30mins or immediately.

For the record, I have never been so reckless, I’m always sensible but I’m now having a major wobble that I’ve been taken for a ride.. so to speak.

I’ve slept with him so quickly and I’ve allowed myself to get emotionally involved, he was telling me the old chestnuts about how amazing things were, so intense so quickly and that it all felt so perfect and how happy he was and I got swept along with it.

Please give me some wise but gentle advice..

"if you’re going to moan that I broke lockdown restrictions please don’t, I know I was stupid and don’t need to hear it again)."

you do know you need to isolate? Yes, you've been stupid. Isolate.

[Nancydrawn]

@Palavah

This is actually fantastic news.

You will meet men that you are attracted to and who are attracted to you. You will feel butterflies again. You will have plenty more great sex.

You will meet men who flake, ghost, disappear, and dissemble. You will dismiss men whom you don't find attractive, let down men who don't make you fizz enough, and ignore messages from men who don't make you laugh.

These are two sides of the same coin. And it means you are moving on, and forwards, into life again.

I love this.

Yes, OP, don't be hard on yourself. You had excellent, respectful sex with someone who liked you. He may not have been interested in commitment (and who knows!), but it sounds like you both had a very good time and a lovely moment of connection. And things may go up or down going forward, but it's just sorting through human stuff, so take what's good about the night and leave any shame, which you don't need to have.

[Givemeabreak88]

People are allowed to be upset if they’ve slept with someone then get ignored after; I don’t know why people are saying she shouldn’t be upset? Like you wouldn’t be! And to the posters saying “I slept with my DH on the first date” etc how does that help really other than to make the op feel worse that she slept with this guy and he ignored her? You’re just lucky that didn’t happen to you but it doesn’t exactly make someone feel better does It? As that’s not what’s happened here so obviously she’s going to wondering why it went wrong.

[Teddybear27]

I think you are being far too hard on yourself and him. Right, you have had a dreadful time recently and bravely decided to go back into the dating pool. You both rushed into things and you spent the night together. So what? You are both consenting adults. He may not have got back to you because he is busy with his family OR maybe he has moved on, 🤷🏻‍♀️ you both had an amazing night? He is only the first person you have met on Tinder so give yourself a chance.
He may get back to you, he may not. If he does you will also have to bear in mind that his family will come first so there may be other times when he doesn’t get back to you.. Good luck..

[HTH1]

@NoMackerelInSwindon

Think of it like the Pfizer vaccine.

It's just a small prick and you won't be needing a second one.

[Fairydustrust]

As I was reading your post, I was waiting for the part where you say you had lent him money, so at least it's not that... Onwards and upwards, OP.

[PursuingProxemicExactitude]

obviously she’s going to wondering why it went wrong.

The thing that went wrong was that the OP (perhaps understandably given the stress she's been through recently) had unrealistic expectations.

[Givemeabreak88]

Well I don’t see why anyone thinks saying their DH married them after sleeping with them the first night helps the op? Well lucky you but it just sounds like rubbing it in! For every man that married someone they slept with on the first night there’s thousands of more men that ghost the woman after.

[Jesskir89]

Ignore silly people telling you to isolate because you've been naughty ffs youre allowed a support bubble if youre single. Op if he doesn't reply just think of it as a night of fun, a release after a shit few month. If you see him again, great. If not, so what? You didn't fall in love, you had a bit of fun

[Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel]

Aw OP. Don't be so hard on yourself. Take it for what it was and be more cautious next time. You've been though a lot. Eat/drink something nice, have a nice bath, read a good book. Invest in yourself