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Original poster

I’ve been a stupid gullible idiot..

277 replies

Therewere5inthebed · 07/03/2021 19:06

I’ve had a rotten time recently, marriage broke up in October due to EXH affair, DF passed away three weeks ago and I was feeling so bloody lonely, I did a stupid thing and joined Tinder..

Got talking to a lovely man, lots of messaging going on, he seemed really genuine and respectful.

We met on Monday and had the most wonderful first date, really special, we just clicked, walked and talked for 4 hrs! Things progressed as the chemistry was zinging and we spent another hr kissing, again he was very respectful and so lovely.

We had the week of tension building with messages and hr or two hr chats every evening. We arranged a date for last night (if you’re going to moan that I broke lockdown restrictions please don’t, I know I was stupid and don’t need to hear it again).
He arrived, we started kissing, dinner was forgotten and we headed to the bedroom pretty quickly, we had the most amazing night, he was so considerate in bed and we both had an amazing time. He was anxious to leave at 10 this morning as he said had arrangements with his children during the day.

He left saying that we’d meet again on Saturday, I sent him a text an hr or so later saying thank you for a great night.. he’s not even read the message.. usually he’d return my text within 30mins or immediately.

For the record, I have never been so reckless, I’m always sensible but I’m now having a major wobble that I’ve been taken for a ride.. so to speak.

I’ve slept with him so quickly and I’ve allowed myself to get emotionally involved, he was telling me the old chestnuts about how amazing things were, so intense so quickly and that it all felt so perfect and how happy he was and I got swept along with it.

Please give me some wise but gentle advice..

OP posts:
littlepattilou · 07/03/2021 21:21

@Therewere5inthebed

I agree with a couple of previous posters, what are you doing meeting random men when we are in the middle of a pandemic, and in the middle of a national lockdown?

And no, don't anyone tell her to ignore me. I am pissed off with people breaking the rules. I haven't seen my DD since Christmas day, and I've had a bellyful of people breaking the rules because they think they're somehow more entitled to, just because..... Hmm

This man was not in her 'support bubble' FFS. She doesn't even know him.

Also, in answer to your question, you were just a booty call, and as some posters have said, that is what 99% of men on tinder are after. Surely you're not that naive.

Borntohula · 07/03/2021 21:24

[quote littlepattilou]@Therewere5inthebed

I agree with a couple of previous posters, what are you doing meeting random men when we are in the middle of a pandemic, and in the middle of a national lockdown?

And no, don't anyone tell her to ignore me. I am pissed off with people breaking the rules. I haven't seen my DD since Christmas day, and I've had a bellyful of people breaking the rules because they think they're somehow more entitled to, just because..... Hmm

This man was not in her 'support bubble' FFS. She doesn't even know him.

Also, in answer to your question, you were just a booty call, and as some posters have said, that is what 99% of men on tinder are after. Surely you're not that naive.[/quote]
Aw, so sensitive to a poster who has recently lost a parent. Nice.

Op, ignore this one.

Roszie · 07/03/2021 21:25

I wouldn't try tinder again. It's full of married men wanting a fuck.

littlepattilou · 07/03/2021 21:32

@Therewere5inthebed Sorry, I was a bit insensitive. I am sorry you have had such a rotten time with your dad dying, and your DH having an affair.. I'm a bit of a pillock; I skip read and didn't see your first paragraph!

Apologies.

I still stand by some of my post though. I really don't think you should have been meeting strangers in the current climate.

Wiredforsound · 07/03/2021 21:33

Hey, you got a great shag out of it. I did what you did when I did OLD and my shagger was crap in the sack. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, don’t treat it as a search for your happy ever after, but as a chance to get out, have a laugh, and meet some people you’d never otherwise get to meet. If someone special shows up, that’s your bonus prize.

JovialNickname · 07/03/2021 21:34

Don't feel bad, you did what felt right at the time. At the risk of you punching me in the face Smile we do learn more from our mistakes, if in hindsight you feel you moved too far too fast you will know for next time! And if it does turn out he mislead you as to his intentions then that makes him the bad person, not you.

However he does have his kids today so I wouldn't write it off just yet. Either way hope you feel better soon x

Givemeabreak88 · 07/03/2021 21:35

Tbf I had a brief look on tinder and I was surprised at just how many men were openly in relationships and married, literally admitted it on their profiles, even one guy who I know irl (family friend not an ex) was on there with his age 5 years younger than he really is. So when you think about how many men are openly admitting to being married, imagine all the ones that aren’t honest.

JovialNickname · 07/03/2021 21:36

Oh and to the horrible "serves you right for meeting in lockdown" posters... yes God forbid she might have wanted a bit of human comfort having only lost her father 3 weeks ago. Does no one have any compassion any more

Laggartha · 07/03/2021 21:36

At worst, he had to make a lot of efforts for you to finally agree to shag him.

What??

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 07/03/2021 21:37

If he hasn't read it , hoe can he respond.
If he is with his kids maybe he has turned his phone off or ignores it
Give him a day or so
If you don't hear then just chalk it up to experience and don't feel bad.

FuckyouBrennan · 07/03/2021 21:38

I don’t think he could be considered her support bubble after she’s been talking to him online for 7 days ffs!!!! We don’t have to condone it, but let’s not bend the rules to suit. State it for what it is - she broke the rules?!

Have you heard anything OP?

AnaisNun · 07/03/2021 21:38

Ah OP. Tinder isn’t really where you look for a new relationship... particularly not at the moment. It is mostly for casual dating/ ONS and has been for a long time now.

Maybe he’ll be one of the exceptions, but if not, don’t beat yourself up.

PollyPocket245 · 07/03/2021 21:40

You definitely need a thick skin to use dating apps these days, keep that in mind. I’ve got some stories for the ages! Focus on loving and respecting yourself first, such a cliche but it’s honestly true.
What you’re feeling is disappointment.. and you’re allowed to feel that. If he gets back in touch with you remember how you feel now and don’t just buy any old rubbish he tells you Flowers

Anon778833 · 07/03/2021 21:41

I think it’s patronising to say that the Op should feel grateful.

It’s not actually a decent way to behave to make up lies and future faking to just get laid. Just because a lot of men do this now, that doesn’t make it acceptable.

NoProblem123 · 07/03/2021 21:42

Sounds like you had a great time !
Keep throwing yourself into things - get yourself back on Tinder and do some swiping. You’ll meet more of these, but also some really genuine guys.
You’re a bit wiser this time but you’re being way too hard on yourself !

Anon778833 · 07/03/2021 21:44

I had a brief relationship with a guy who told me he was single. He and his wife had separated he told me but the truth was he was trying to come home and persuade her to take him back. Whilst shagging me at the same time. She contacted me to find out exactly what he’d done with me and which dates.

LaceyBetty · 07/03/2021 21:45

@littlepattilou just wow. You can form an bubble for with anyone, you don't have to have known them for any specific length of time.

EstuaryBird · 07/03/2021 21:45

Look at it this way OP....you got a lovely date and a great night with brilliant sex...certainly more than I’ve had for at least 20 years from ‘D’H.

Now who’s the stupid, gullible idiot? ☹️.

Good for you, however it goes from here you had a good time and I may be a tad jealous.

LaceyBetty · 07/03/2021 21:46

@FuckyouBrennan

I don’t think he could be considered her support bubble after she’s been talking to him online for 7 days ffs!!!! We don’t have to condone it, but let’s not bend the rules to suit. State it for what it is - she broke the rules?!

Have you heard anything OP?

There are no rules regarding how long you need to have known the person in your bubble!
PollyPocket245 · 07/03/2021 21:47

@SugarbabyMilly

I think it’s patronising to say that the Op should feel grateful.

It’s not actually a decent way to behave to make up lies and future faking to just get laid. Just because a lot of men do this now, that doesn’t make it acceptable.

Completely agree. Such an awful message to give to women
Christmasfairy2020 · 07/03/2021 21:48

Tbh love u don't wanna settle yet anyway having come out of a relationship etc. Meet lots of men have lots of fun and use protection. Enjoy your self it will give u some confidence etx

wusbanker · 07/03/2021 21:48

I used to have a rule about not shagging too early, until someone pointed out it was a good way to get rid of the wasters

Amen!

Anon778833 · 07/03/2021 21:48

Yes @PollyPocket245 - Mansplaining at it’s worst.

Givemeabreak88 · 07/03/2021 21:48

I really do have to roll my eyes at the posters making out that the op should be grateful 🤪 surely no one feels that in irl? At least be grateful you had a good night and got sex? Come on 😑

Candidly · 07/03/2021 21:50

In the nicest way possible, you have allowed yourself to get used for a shag. “Dinner was forgotten”. You kissed on the first date, then next date he comes over and dinner was “forgotten” because you both “started kissing”, straight away basically. Google love bombing. It’s how a lot of men try to get women into bed. Yes a lot of people might harp on he it’s 2021 and women can have sex with who they want bla bla... but the reality is, men don’t respect women who sleep with them so easily. Sorry OP but you need to keep your guard up more

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