Drinking in the morning - everyone does it, right?

[fedup078]

Even when they have young kids?
Totally normal yes?

Well he's just told me to ask around. Don't fancy asking my friends so here we are
I'm being told this is totally normal and everyone does it, so why shouldn't he.

@unlikelytobe

Is the sun over the yard-arm? Not at 9.30am it isn't!

Ugh, this phrase gives me the creeps. My alcoholic first husband used to use it as his justification for starting to drink at about ten or ten thirty.

I have never had a drink in the morning, even when I could drink alcohol.

On Christmas Day I may have a glass of something fizzy with breakfast.

Certainly not normal.

Do you have a insight into his drinking pattern? If its always wine are you aware of him buying it or do you think there is some secret buying and hiding also going on? It is very hard to live with an alcohol addicted person but I think you are right to call him out and hold your ground.

So it's not just a recent thing then. You know what you need to do. You cannot live a happy life with him. You and your kids will be miserable. If he cannot see that he has a problem then he will ALWAYS put drink ahead of his family. Even if you are down to your last pennies, he will find a way to buy alcohol. Tell his mother. Don't hide it from other people as that is simply enabling him to hide it. Get some legal advice as to how to separate.

It’s not fucking normal and I say that as someone whose first thought on waking is “when can I start drinking?”

It doesn’t have to be “in the morning” to be problematic. My alcoholic sister stays up late drinking then rolls out of bed at about 2pm and then just pours a large glass of red.

[quote fedup078]@hullabaloo19 It must have been around 11am
However , last weekend I'm convinced he was half cut at 9.30am but I couldn't prove it
This morning I made a note of how much wine was left in the bottle . I shouldn't have to be doing things like that but I proved myself right .
He has just said he will leave but it will take him a while to find somewhere .
[/quote]
Thanks, that's useful info 👍 I agree with pp who said it's odder that it's wine. And if he was at 9.30 previously as well I also think it's indicative of dependency.

Alcohol issues have skyrocketed during the pandemic, and understandably so. I think what's most important is that he refusing to engage with you about it and admit it's an issue. Addicts are notorious for being defensive and attempting to avoid admitting they have a problem. And they can't be helped until they admit it and are ready to seek help.

I wish you the best and hope that the situation works out 'okay' for you, whatever happens x

Good for you, airing the issue. But you know, there is one person you can trust more than anyone else in the world.

You.

Nope, unless it’s Christmas, a stag/hen, or you’re a student and it’s end of exams or something. I don’t think I’ve ever drink before lunch except on those occasions. And drinking at lunch is only ever a very occasional thing for most people too.

Nope. only on xmas day I start on bucks fizz from when wake up, a particularly awful funeral I was attending of a young, close family member we all had a vodka before getting in the funeral car and at the airport I might have a cocktail or something with breakfast

I would never do it..not even at Xmas. My husband wouldn't either.

Some pps are saying things like 'i would never do it' not even on christmas as though drinking on special occasions isn't normal. Obviously a bucks fizz or champagne breakfast is fine on christmas/birthdays etc and perfectly normal. If it's not your thing fine but it isnt abnormal.
Drinking on ypir average morning like op's husband is doing is not normal however and a sign of addiction.

your*

Sorry op, it's a hard road. You don't have to justify, it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to tolerate it. Give him notice and don't waver. Tell everyone. Good luck

Many of us have been where you are today - you have taken the first step, so courageous of you. Despite all the promises and denials, he will not change. Absolutely right to protect your children and yourself. I was in your position nearly thirty years ago. As others have said, we have walked in your shoes and will support you.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. My DH skated very close to alcoholism and lied to me on many occasions about not being drunk, but did go to AA. He maintains that he wasn't really an alcoholic but I do reckon the others there scared him into sorting himself out (not that he'd admit it).

It is horrible to know you're being lied to, esp by your spouse I hope you're OK.

fedup078 I think context is everything here. How much is he drinking over a week? Does he only drink once per week but starts early? Is he drinking every night and you are now suspecting it's through the day to?

I had a friend once who worked nights in a nursing home. At the end of her fifth consecutive night shift each week, she would come home at 8am, prep herself a full roast dinner and have a few drinks. She was single at the time with no dependants and I likened it to a Friday night for those of us that finish our working week during daytime working hrs.

Likewise, I love a few glasses of wine but it would never cross my mind to consume alcohol in the day, with the exception of all inclusive holidays. If we are on site at the time I would possibly have a cocktail at 3pm, but that's a strictly holiday thing. It wouldn't cross my mind at home.

Buck’s Fizz on Christmas morning is my only morning drinking.

I applaud you on being so clear and decisive OP.

Buck's Fizz or champagne on Christmas Day, mimosas with brunch (when) if we eat at the fancy brunch place but would be around midday then. Glass of wine with Sunday lunch around 2pm. No drinking in the morning is very unusual (celebratory) unless you work nights!

How about instead of taking the kids your MIL take her husband?

No. It is really not.

@fedup078

I've read all your post, and I'm sorry it's come to this.

I think you are right to ask him to leave. He seems in denial that he has an alcohol problem, and I wish you the strength you'll need to find a life away from his alcoholism. Your DC deserve a life without the drama an alcoholic parent brings.

My mum was alcoholic at one point, although in her final decade at least she was very much sober. I think she drank to deal with stress.

@likeamillpond

I have lots of friends who drink wine whilst cooking the Sunday roast. It's relaxing. So I would say: Christmas Morning normal.. Sunday roast mornng normal. Any other morning just no.

Your friends are alcoholics if they are drinking alcohol regularly (weekly is regularly) before lunchtime

The only person I knew who drank alcohol regularly in the morning was my alcoholic ex-boyfriend, who died as a result of his condition.

@Aimee1987 Kenco do a box of latte sachets which have Baileys flavouring in them but without any alcohol - so so nice!!